Read what our participants have experienced with ayahuasca

Ceremonies with Ayahuasca in Germany: Experiences of our participants

You want to know more about our ceremonies with the healing plant ayahuasca? In the testimonials of our former participants you will get an insight into what to expect during your retreat. We would be happy if you would also like to share your experience with ayahuasca.

Review (November 2024, Amjad): “Since this retreat, I have understood what love, empathy and acceptance are”

I had already done a lot of healing work before I went on the retreat. My intention was crystal clear: I wanted to be free from all the pain. I wanted to find the roots of my suffering in order to heal them or – at best – get rid of them and make room for something new and pure.

I took the train – alone for the first time – and traveled to Siegburg. It wasn’t an easy journey, but I had faith and knew that I was traveling to myself and that the divine spirit was with me. When I arrived at the retreat and saw the house, I immediately felt an energy that released my sadness. I sat on the terrace with tears in my eyes and could not stop this pain and sadness.

Christian, Anika and Anna opened the door and greeted us with very warm hugs. This acceptance, just being there as I was at that moment, was something I had never experienced before.

After our performance, we had the cocoa ceremony. The spiritual music and the calm, mystical atmosphere helped me to get in touch with my inner child and bring my sadness to the surface. At the moment when I felt the pain of my childhood the most, I heard from Christian and Anika that it was okay to cry, that I am very loved and that everything is okay.

I have received a tremendous amount of love in the most painful memory of my life, and that love has masked a lot of hate and rejection. I have to smile when I think of that memory because it feels so different now. The tears of pain became joy and laughter – like when you hug a child and try to blow away their pain.

I have understood what love, empathy and acceptance are. I am no longer ashamed of my tears and don’t feel forbidden to show or talk about my feelings. Even the cacao ceremony was life-changing for me.

The ayahuasca ceremony was rather scary for me because I was fighting against the spirit of the plant. Ayahuasca showed me what would be most important to me if I were to die: my family, my husband and my children. It also showed me that I can overcome my social anxiety if I have absolute trust that people have good intentions (and not the opposite) and if I stop believing that people judge me, but admire me.

I also realized that I need to stop hating my body and wanting to change myself through treatments or surgery – something that comes from my society. Finally, ayahuasca has put a new word in my head that appears when I think someone is looking at me: “Don’t give a shit.”

My journey with ayahuasca was exhausting. I felt almost dead, waiting for it to end. I couldn’t talk much with ayahuasca, but a few words helped me realize that I judge people – and myself – so often. That was the root of my social anxiety.

Anna, Anika and Christian took very, very good and caring care of us during the ayahuasca ceremony. For example, they brought us new cups for purging four times, even when they weren’t even half full. I am very grateful for that.

A lot has changed since the retreat:I’ve started looking for a new job and I’m clearer than ever about what I really want to do and what conditions I have for it.I play with my children every day, I no longer have room in my head for social media and I laugh with them about their funny, childish mistakes.It’s just lovely to watch their little world. I am a very flexible and loving mother.Of course, there are times when I feel sad or disappointed, but I always find an appropriate response and no longer suppress my feelings.

The music that Christian shared with us brings me a lot of inner peace. I play it during my rituals – sometimes to dance like in the cocoa ceremony and feel this enormous amount of love and joy, and sometimes to fall asleep peacefully. Very peaceful.

Review (October 2024, Susanne): “Thanks to ayahuasca, I was able for the first time to let go of the defenselessness and powerlessness that had been stored in my cells for five decades. It was cathartic.”

Around mid-September, I decided to attend the 5-day retreat at the beginning of October 2024 with Christian, Anna and Anika, which was 3 weeks ago. I had only learned about the plant medicine ayahuasca a few months earlier! At the time, I was amazed at what people can be prepared to do. At the time, it was inconceivable to me that I would ever come into contact with this sacred plant spirit myself.

Within a few months, my opinion changed radically! It was triggered by personal events that (over)challenged me and threw me back on myself.

After I contacted Christian and told him about my intention (“There is a softness inside me that is pushing towards the outside.”), I found out about Syrian rue in comparison to the healing brew from the tropical liana and the Chacruna shrub. I immediately felt a connection with the steppe rue, partly because of the activation of the body’s own DMT.

Arriving at the seminar house was uncomplicated. We were warmly welcomed by Christian. The atmosphere was informal, free and authentic. Good and deep conversations developed between the 23 people and myself, with whom I would spend the next 5 days together. The first encounters with Anna and Anika were wonderful for building trust.

The cocoa ceremony with a short session of holotropic breathing on the first evening was intensely heart-opening. A deep sadness and great pain only allowed me to sleep for a few hours.

The next evening I had my first appointment with Mama Aya; Syrian steppe rue is known as Eastern European ayahuasca. The group exercises in the afternoon and the preparations for the ceremony itself were subtle and harmonious, yet my nervousness grew from hour to hour. Just a few days before the retreat, I read the book Taguari, an account in novel form of the training of a shaman in the Colombian rainforest, in which the sacred plant brew yagé (ayahuasca) is an elementary component. I remembered the reverence and humility, but also the trust and love of the prospective shaman towards all plant spirits. With this reminder, I opened myself up as much as I could and practiced my devotion.

We went to the altar one by one. Anna cleansed us energetically and Christian handed us the healing potion. Once we were all back on our mats, the candlelight was extinguished for a few minutes and the music turned off. Silence. At least on the outside. Inside, I felt the desire to keep the drink inside me for at least the next 10 minutes. I managed to do so, but a few minutes later I began an intense and exhausting cleansing process that would accompany me throughout the night. Before this happened, however, my body used a beautiful mental image to tell me how the plant was affecting me: I saw a narrow column of light that transformed into a luminous, delicate spine. In the next moment, this dissolved into an infinite number of points of light, which in turn dissolved into the periphery: Mama Aya had arrived physically and energetically in all my cells. A subsequent pleasant body tingling confirmed my perception. Start of the journey!

During this first journey, I had long dialogs with my heart. It told me that I should be very mindful and caring with it (with myself). And then something happened that I didn’t expect: I received hours of emotional lessons in non-violent communication.

On the way to the retreat, I listened to an interview with Marshall B. Rosenberg. This interview touched me because interpersonal communication would be so easy if we could listen compassionately. Unfortunately, our (my) reality paints a different picture.

And now this: my heart had dialogs with … yes, with whom? I don’t know. However, my heart retrieved an infinite number of situations from my life, old and very recent, in which conflicts escalated. And the person my heart was talking to gave me lessons. I was “only” an observer. I could not and did not want to intervene. Astonished and deeply touched, I felt spoken love, nurturing dialogs, connections through words, conflict-solving formulations.

I learned empathy, compassion, especially for myself. Every time I experienced deep realizations, my body cleansed itself. The intensity of detoxification was completely unknown to me. Somehow it reminded me of bad luck, which was now leaving my body.

Afterwards, words of love, warmth and benevolence were conveyed to me again.

One experience was extremely negative for me: the extreme physical weakness. For me, this represented a loss of control. This loss was worse for me than the strenuous physical cleansing. Because at least I wanted to exercise control over my body (I didn’t see the physical cleansing as a loss of control). But I no longer had any control. I was defenceless and at the mercy of others. Just like as an infant when I experienced sexual violence.

A sleepless night ended and a gray morning began. The morning was characterized by dizziness, nausea, more body convulsions, deep pain and grief. And the decision: Never again will I drink a healing decoction made from Syrian steppe rue!

But at the same time, I felt a deep serenity and certainty within me. Everything is right and good.

My weakness, which I perceived as extreme, lasted until the afternoon. After Anna’s very sensitive Rapé ceremony and Anika’s equally gentle and loving Sananga ceremony, I was amazed to find myself completely clear, safe, centered and free of pain. My calm and confidence increased. My decision to never drink anything like that again changed – unimaginably – by the next evening: I even drank 1 cl more!

After I felt the plant spirit inside me for the second time, I sat leaning against the wall and listened to myself. I wanted to travel to this defencelessness and being at the mercy of others. I wanted to integrate and transform both. I asked for all blockages to be cleared. For the highest good of all.

Mama Aya granted my wish. As I write this, I begin to cry. They are tears of relief and gratitude. (Dear Christian, your encouragement to share and write down the experiences is so valuable).

At first I found the music more and more pressing and oppressive. It frightened me. I found it terrible. Then my heart began to ache and I remembered my heart’s desire yesterday for gentleness and care. Did it already know yesterday what would happen today? The pain became more intense and finally I called Anna, who held me, who held my heart. I don’t know how long. I let go. I surrendered to the pain. Anna held me. So I could hold the pain. I let my body be. It twitched, it shook, it squirmed, it was out of control and so for the first time I was able to let go of the defencelessness, the powerlessness that had been stored in my cells for five decades. The process still touches me today. It was cathartic. Afterwards, my body purified itself in a powerful way.

Then calm set in. Rest. At some point, I felt that there was still a lump inside me that wanted to get out. But there was nothing I could do. A long time later, I asked Anna for help again. I needed a toilet. Sitting on the toilet, another intense emotional pain seized my whole body. It intensified, the physical pain became almost unbearable and strained my circulation. At the very last moment, I let myself slide to the floor, where Anna led me through another process that showed me images that were very upsetting. This process also ended in a liberating way and with an extreme cleansing, during which I ended up just babbling unintentionally – like a toddler.

A picture showed itself to me: a beautiful golden-brown young horse, powerful, lively, awake and attentively trusting life. “Why a horse?”, I asked myself, because I have no real connection to horses. The next moment I saw a very young part of me sitting on this horse. This part was whole and unharmed! This intelligent herd and flight animal had protected my part for over 5 decades. Deeply touched, I thanked this being and took my part back to myself.

Healthy feelings such as self-care, self-worth and self-love filled me and allowed me to accept the sleepless hours until the morning.

On the last day, we shared our experiences with each other again. The days and nights we spent together created a special kind of connection between us all. Souls searching and healing for themselves.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you, Anna!
Thank you, Anika!
Thank you, Christian!
Thank you all for traveling together!

Thank you Mama Aya, thank you to my heart, thank you to my soul. I will be back!

PS: The process and integration are still ongoing. It is very exhausting at times. Another journey with a helper substance has helped me to fill the energetically cleansed inner empty space with light in such a way that the dissociated part has come back to me and has completely filled this space with solar energy. We are currently growing together and this part is maturing. My body is almost pain-free, my heart reminds me daily of its sensitivity. I perceive the world more intensely, more warmly and more safely. Thank you for every day.

Review (October 2024, Barbara): “A fundamental transformation has happened! Syrian rue is truly sacred and creates healing”

Healing with Syrian rue was the culmination and conclusion of my long history of coming to terms with and overcoming my traumas (I was born in 1964, a boomer, grandchild of the war and everything that goes with it…).

To be more precise, I first had to consciously recognize a very important trauma in 2024.

And although I have been doing personality work for decades, which has led to a daily spiritual practice, I have not been able to see essential connections in their entirety for almost six decades.

I had a disabled brother with Down’s syndrome who I accompanied for decades. We were only a year apart and so I learned to help weaker and disabled men. Did I repeat this later in my relationships? Of course I did! But I really didn’t realize it. The old familiar blind spot! OMG!

And when I was led to the Aya retreat in September 2024, I was still terribly heartbroken because a man had said yes to me, so to speak, and then went back to his old life after all. His fear (= weakness = disability) had won out over our love. I felt set back and betrayed, even though I had given so much. “It’s not my turn, I always have to take second place. Others are more important than me!” That’s the pattern because of my brother!

We all know here that only when we see and acknowledge our wounds and come into real emotional contact with the feelings and unloved parts from our childhood… that only then do these parts feel seen and loved and become peaceful. And… that’s the main thing: they then no longer control us from the unconscious.

Over the weekend, I was able to heal these patterns and traumas with Syrian rue. I surrendered everything to the higher self… for one night.

The very next day I felt a change. My ego wanted to bring me into my old thought loops, but… I just couldn’t get into those negative feelings anymore. They were just a faint memory without the emotionally draining potential. I checked it over the next few days, but I (my ego) couldn’t dock anymore!

My soul had taken over… until today. My whole new attitude to life speaks the following within me: “I am free, free, eternally free!” So a fundamental transformation had happened! I can really feel that the rhombus has scraped the last remnants of my trauma from the corners of my cells. It is truly sacred and creates healing! Syrian rue… I love you!

I have a water bottle in the kitchen with the handwritten slogan: “I am always deeply anchored in God”. Trusting God in life has always been my greatest wish. Not to feel separate, but to feel whole. And thanks to this wonderful medicinal plant, I really do feel that way now!

However, it is extremely important to be well accompanied in this sacred process and I am very grateful that Christian and his whole team look after each individual so attentively and lovingly. Anna looked after me all night like a good mother. This connection was really important for me to feel safe and protected. This allowed my body to surrender to the medicinal plant and its cleansing in safety.

Review (September 2024, Jenny): “The plant still works, and it quietly and secretly heals the odd wound”

My intention for the ceremony was to shed more light on my lack of trust in men. I wanted the plant to show me which parts of me still needed to be healed so that I could gain this trust. Throughout the ceremony, Mama Aya held up a mirror to me and guided me into this mistrust. At first I surrendered to it, but when I got back home, so much pain that I had locked inside me since childhood burst out of me. A lot of tears were shed. The pain didn’t feel overwhelming, but incredibly cleansing and clarifying. Similar to the pain in the Rapé ceremony.

My father’s neglect had always weighed heavily on me, but at the same time I could now feel the deep childlike love I had always felt for him again. In the days that followed, I had a beautiful encounter in which I was held in love and pain – something I had never experienced before. In that moment I could feel something healing inside me and for the first time in my life I felt a deep conviction that I was safe and held.

From time to time I also feel in my everyday life that something has really changed in me. The plant is still working and it is quietly and secretly healing one or two wounds. Only recently have I noticed that my “father wound” no longer fills me with grief and anger, but that I feel love inside me and am grateful for the short and intense time I had with my father.

I also feel that something has changed in my contact with a man who interests me romantically. There is more trust in me and I generally feel more at ease. I’m even finding it easier and easier to open my heart and speak from my heart. I still have a way to go, but I see that it is a path of healing and I have faith that the wisdom of medicine will guide me well.

Review (August 2024, Johanna): “My entire reality is changing and every cell in me has been reprogrammed”

I can feel my process taking shape and becoming more and more apparent. Only since my return have I had the opportunity to rest. Like Stephi, I was also greeted by my period; and she invites me to take it slow. There is so much to process and the days after the weekend were still full of hustle and bustle. Now I have time and I’m taking it.

Very profound, world-changing processes are currently taking place that I can’t yet grasp. My entire reality is changing and internalizing. This is about time, the energies around us and how we actually interact with them as beings. My mind has already been able to grasp much of this, but it has never been so close, so tangible. However, my body needs time to process these light codes. Every cell in my body has been reprogrammed and that requires patience. I’m looking forward to seeing what else reveals itself here, because I’m only at the beginning, but I want to share it 1 week after the retreat.

Alongside this change, other clarities have emerged. My intentions that I shared with you on Friday. Which were: 1) my fear 2) my self-esteem 3) my sense of shame

I have just realized that all these intentions have been fulfilled. It sounds so simple, clear and logical. All almost somewhat factual, but they have been checked off like a to-do list by Mama Aya so that there is room for the cosmic change that is needed.

1) My fear: I was filled with confidence during the Aya ceremony. Every single cell. My ringmaster is finally a different emotion, a different outlook on life – and that’s exactly what I’ve been longing for!

2) My self-esteem: even though it is very hard for me, but I have hated myself for many years, due to my misunderstanding. Now through this process I am learning how much I have changed that and have finally learned to love myself. On top of that, you have all mirrored something so wonderful to me that I am also allowed to give space to my pride. What you have mirrored to me is so wonderful and enchanting that I can hardly believe who I have turned into. I am the person I always wanted to be when I started my journey. That was my longing, my intention – and it has been fulfilled.

3) My sense of shame: During the cocoa ceremony, I cried out of gratitude. I was and am infinitely grateful that I accepted the invitation. The fact that I can now see all of this as an invitation at all is absolutely magical. That in turn only came through understanding. I know why I am the way I am. Very well, in fact. For so many years, I judged myself for so many things. I was my strongest opponent. My strongest critic. But I now understand why I was like that. Understanding means forgiving, as my father told me many years ago. I forgive myself, and at the same time there is nothing to forgive. There is nothing to be ashamed of. And so this intention is also fulfilled.

I was afraid to come on Thursday because I felt it was going to be big. I was afraid of the size. How right I was and how magical that I accepted the invitation. I begin – here’s to a new life!

Review (August 2024, Rouven): “You are fulfilling a divine service”

I cannot thank you enough, dear Christian, for what you see as your mission in life and how wonderfully and absolutely valuable you fulfill your divine service.

You are magic and with your being and the magic of Mama Ayahuasca you conjure up the spark ⚡️ that allows us to BE magical. ✨

Thank you for being there for us, thank you all for being there, your whole team: your loving companions, who also do their wonderful divine service and look after us, protect us and enchant us.

You are truly a blessing to this world.

Review (May 2024, Sibylle): “My condition after the ayahuasca retreat is still now – months later – full of love, vitality and humility towards life”

Dear people,

I can tell you that Syrian rue is now my number one choice! I have also experienced other contexts, with other blends, including the classic South American ayahuasca, but I will choose exactly this Syrian rue again in October, it is as if it adapts to your body, giving you exactly what you need.

It was challenging, yes, but is there change without challenges? I have never been in such a state after a retreat before – and I have experienced many retreats. My state was – and still is – full of love, aliveness and humility towards life. I am so much more relaxed and confident that everything will fall into place as it should. And I’m looking forward to being allowed to come into my own even more.

The team around Christian is carefully and attentively chosen, with great energy and a lot of love and dedication. There was always someone at my side when I needed it. And I found the aftercare very useful: I was supported at all times afterwards. Christian responds to questions and concerns with dedication and great knowledge; regular Zoom meetings with participants under Christian’s guidance also give the opportunity to reconnect with others. An all-round carefree development package I would say … go for it!

Review (June 2024, Maurice): “Thanks to ayahuasca, I can finally let go of my inner pain”

As the son of a borderline mother and a narcissistic father, I suffered a lot as a child and teenager. I couldn’t develop roots or wings – I had both an insecure attachment, no safe home and no way to break free. Instead of rebelling like my older brother and thus experiencing a lot of violence and rejection from my parents, I chose adaptation and acquiescence as a survival strategy. I was only seen, accepted and “loved” by my parents when I showed myself the way they wanted me to. Cheerful, radiant, sweet, adapted, giving them all my attention. I was not allowed to show sadness and anger. Then I was punished by being ignored, ridiculed or devalued. I was also denied my feelings. “You’re sad? No, you’re just imagining it. You’re actually happy. I’m your mother, I know you better than you do. We are still connected by the umbilical cord.”

My mother was very moody – one moment I was her favorite, almost the messiah himself, doing everything right, saving her and being so great. The next moment I was devalued and completely let down. “Now I’ve seen your true colors. I don’t like you like that. You’re not my son like that anymore!” Or when she was very sad again and I wanted to comfort her and tell her how much I love her. “How can you love a worthless piece of shit like me? Then it can’t be true. You’re lying to me!” I had already promised my favorite grandma, my mother’s mother, as a primary school child that I would take care of my mom. “Maurice, please look after my mom. She’s so weak and unstable. I’m scared for her. And you’re already so sensible for your age. Spend time with her and be there for her. Protect her from your father. He’s a dangerous man.”

My father was very emotionally distant and cool. He never played with me, cuddled with me, put me to bed or read to me. He never asked me how I was doing either. Instead, he recited monologues to me and the family. On different topics: Migration, the differences between a petrol engine and a Wankel engine or how the human heart works. The weekend was the worst. Breakfast together in the dining room was a must. I had to sit at the table for 3-4 hours, being stuffed with food by my mother and listening to my father’s lectures. With full attention. Sometimes I didn’t even dare go to the toilet because I was afraid of interrupting him. I was afraid that I might hurt him and he would get angry and aggressive. When I came back from the toilet, I gave him the cue where he had stopped so that he could continue. He looked at me during his monologues but didn’t actually see me. He didn’t ask me anything. As a teenager, I often sat there with tears in my eyes and felt completely alone, almost invisible. I switched off all physical sensations and just felt dull and empty.

My coming out at 17 and then again at 19 was a nightmare. The first time I shot myself up with alcohol and pills. It wasn’t really suicide – I wanted attention. My mother always did the same thing and I think that’s why I copied it from her. I was admitted to a psychiatric ward for one night. When I got back home, my parents quickly agreed that it was just a phase for me and that I just hadn’t found the right woman yet. And I did them a favor. I thought I’d try again with a girlfriend. Of course, it didn’t work out. When I was 19, I had my hair bleached at the hairdresser. It was all the rage back then in the 90s.

When I got home, my mother started crying and my father became terribly angry. “Why do you want to humiliate us like that? Do you want everyone to see that you’re gay? You want to destroy us. But wait, we’ll drive that out of you.” I wasn’t allowed to use the shower, sit at the table with my parents or eat together for a week. They threatened to take me out of grammar school. I wasn’t allowed to do my A-levels. My father would find me an apprenticeship. I felt like a leper back then. Outcast from the family, inferior – almost dirty. What’s more, as a “homosexual” I would be alone and have no one in my life. After a while, they calmed down again and my father even apologized to me. In a conversation with my mother, which was mainly about the fact that she has no grandchildren to expect and is so sad about it, she said: “Why didn’t you say something earlier? Then maybe we could have done something with hormone injections.”

It was all a very long time ago (almost 30 years) and I have had my own life for a long time. Nevertheless, I still felt wrong, bad and inferior inside. I always thought that once people really got to know me, they would reject me and leave me. So I built up a pretty perfect facade, a false self that I thought people would like. Always cheerful, radiant, approachable and interested. I forbade myself to show sadness and anger. Which also meant that I didn’t show any boundaries. I let everyone go beyond my limits. I didn’t feel it or think I had to do it that way. In my early 20s, I started pulling my own hair out – trichotillomania – a form of self-harming behavior. The anger was directed at me. In states of inner tension or inner emptiness, I would pull my hair out, put it in my mouth, chew it up very finely and swallow it. I started behavioral therapy and later psychological psychotherapy with a focus on EMDR. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. I actually thought I had depression. But it was the trauma of my childhood and adolescence that was getting me down.

Then, six months ago, a friend told me about ayahuasca for the first time. She was very enthusiastic about the retreat and its effects. Two months ago, I had my own experience with this mysterious medicinal plant. I was very skeptical and also afraid of this weekend. Christian and Anna were incredibly warm and welcoming and gave me a big hug. They made me feel very welcome. Everything was perfectly organized and with so much attention to detail. I felt great appreciation and compassion from Christian and Anna. There was also this optimism and serenity that everything that will happen is somehow good and that in the end there will be freedom and happiness. At the first retreat in April, however, I didn’t feel any of that. On the contrary. At the rapé: nothing. At the ayahuasca: only emptiness, loneliness, shingles, ringing in my ears, despair, darkness, hopelessness. I thought I wouldn’t get through it. Even at the sharing the day after, I still felt disoriented. I was so confused that I couldn’t think straight. But then the next morning at home, I suddenly felt something like peace. Inner peace. The tension inside me was gone. It felt like peace after a long war. I woke up and it was May 8, 1945, I had left the battlefield and I felt warmth, light and peace. I was suddenly very clear-headed and had a very intense perception of my surroundings. The following days and week were acts of inner liberation. Quantum leaps.

After some initial hesitation, I shared my stories and experiences with the others in the chat group. I didn’t dare at first. Old beliefs like “I’m not as important as the others. Who cares about me?” were active again. But then, after Christian’s encouragement, I did share things. And lo and behold: the group listened to me, believed me and showed a lot of compassion, comforted me and built me up again. We built each other up. This exchange was as intense and enriching over 2-3 weeks as the best group therapy. I am so grateful for that! It was so incredibly important for me to be seen in my suffering, for other people to see what I had endured and gone through. Because I always pretended on the outside that I was fine and that everything was okay.

Two weeks ago I had my second ayahuasca retreat. After some initial hesitation, I decided to do it again after Christian’s recommendation in order to deepen the process of self-empowerment, liberation and healing. I had already made great progress, but I also noticed that the clarity was beginning to cloud over again. The strength waned, old structures and patterns once again covered up the new successes. The second time was completely different. Shortly before the rapé, I felt great excitement and also fear. I knew that something was coming this time, after I hadn’t felt anything the first time. And sure enough, I saw my father. He had a book in his hand and I couldn’t see his face properly because he was hidden behind the book. A typical situation from the past. I spoke to him. “Dad, look at me please. I’d like to talk to you. Maybe we can use the time we have left together (he’ll be 80 this year) to make up.” “Why would I want that? Why should I look at you? I never wanted children. Having two sons was the biggest mistake of my life. Leave me alone.” That hurt like hell and it still does when I write it here. But I really realized at that moment that there was no point in waiting for my father. Nothing will come of it. He doesn’t want to and has no interest in me. Probably never has been. He is not capable of love.

Freed from this unfulfillable hope for closeness to my father, my intention for the second ayahuasca ceremony changed. Whereas during the first retreat I had secretly wished to see my parents (my mother died 2.5 years ago and I had broken off contact with my father), to feel close to them and perhaps even to reconcile with them, this time I would not make them the subject. That didn’t work last time. There was nothing but emptiness and loneliness and the shock of it made me feel dizzy and sick, I had felt powerless and disoriented. So I decided to connect with myself this time. Maybe that would work better. I became very calm and was with myself. And suddenly I looked up and saw a steep rock face. Above it, two small streams of golden water flowed into each other and then flowed down the cliff in slow motion. On me. I stood naked under this waterfall of light. The water touched my skin softly and warmly, washing away my pain, shame and fear bit by bit. I felt the divine power – this love and care that was suddenly inside me; and the feeling of finally leaving the pain and the open wound behind me. Then I saw another man suddenly standing next to me under the waterfall. We were both naked and I was looking at both of us from an outside perspective.Change of scene. I was suddenly sitting in a small airplane, a Cessna.

I was flying over the Atlantic and saw the vastness of the sky in front of me and the water of the ocean below me. An indescribable feeling of freedom and weightlessness.It continued with the means of transportation and travel.Suddenly I was standing on the bridge of the dream ship as a cruise captain.I was wearing a smart white uniform with brass buttons and was once again looking at the horizon in front of me, where air and water meet.At the end, I saw all my dear friends in front of me – one after the other.Then I saw them all at once and we danced together.Everyone laughed at me and was happy for me.We celebrated my new freedom, my new lightness and simply life.

I realized that my parents couldn’t destroy me despite emotional and physical abuse. I suffered wounds – that’s clear. And these wounds were open for a long time and couldn’t heal because I didn’t want to see them.Ayahuasca showed me these wounds relentlessly, the pain and loneliness of my childhood. The inner child cried, then we cried together.I am still in this healing process.I give myself time and am gentle and good to myself.Scars will remain.But that’s not a bad thing.They remind me that my parents didn’t manage to destroy my inner core.They were traumatized children themselves and passed on a lot of their trauma to me.But now I say: stop!This has nothing to do with me! They didn’t actually mean me. I no longer believe these sick things about me. I now know that I am a valuable and lovable person. Today I’m going to celebrate my first birthday in my new freedom with a friend. And I’ll definitely manage to be a cruise ship captain one day.

Review (April 2024, Manfred): “My original zest for life has reappeared”

Dear Christian, dear Anna, dear Anika,
You hear it often, but I have to repeat it, you are doing an incredible, yes, it has to be said, wonderful job. And you guide us through the whole process with great care and circumspection, so that I always felt safe and understood. Ayahuasca is such a powerful healing plant that I didn’t think it was possible.
After the retreat, it was as if a gray veil had been removed from my life (after 74 years!) and my original zest for life had reappeared. Even now in the group sharing that followed, so much is still happening. I am currently realizing how I have kept every unresolved pain in my life deep inside me and locked it away. But the walls have become brittle and an old pain keeps breaking out of me – and I can cry.
It is a liberation, even if there is certainly still a lot in the “bunker”.
Many thanks to you and to Mama Ayahuasca.

Review (April 2024, Ela): “Ayahuasca is a medicinal plant that can change everything”

It was the best birthday present I could have ever dreamed of. I went there without any expectations. The whole stay was perfectly organized and looked after by wonderful, caring people. The ceremony took the last of my energy, but 24 hours later I felt like I was on vacation. I wish everyone could have such an experience. Ayahuasca is a healing plant that can change everything. I am grateful that I was able to meet such great people.

Christian, Anna, Iuliia, you are the heart of the place where the impossible becomes possible. I know that this is just the beginning. I am also sure that we will meet again soon. Thank you for that.

Review (April 2024, Katja): “The ayahuasca retreat was one of the most impressive experiences of my life”

From the registration, the preliminary talk, the preparatory information, the welcome on site, the support during the retreat and afterwards, I felt lovingly accompanied by Christian and his team. I am still learning what it is like not to be too much (which is my basic imprint), but to be welcome. I am experiencing what it is like when my counterpart talks to me and responds to me (instead of ignoring me, making me wait, putting me off).

My intention was to let go of my partner. We broke up 3 months ago, after which my partner stopped talking to me. That scared me so much that I was flooded with anxiety for weeks, wanted to save the relationship (which couldn’t change his mind) and thought non-stop about this 11-year relationship (which I had hoped would last for the rest of my life).

In the two introductory ceremonies (cocoa & rape) I cried and mourned a lot. In the group exercise I was still crying and then it slowly calmed down a bit inside me. The ayahuasca ceremony had a much more intense and profound effect on me: at first I was able to breathe in the altered perception and the spasm that moved down through my body. But eventually everything that needed to come out made its way out and I was just shaking and sweating. In the mornings, I felt like I was with the shaky little creature that had been isolated in the incubator sometime in the 70s.

After the retreat, I was finally relaxed again, liberated, had the feeling that I had really let go of my partner, no longer pondered the whys and wherefores and was confident that I could now continue on my life path alone again (and with my children) and that we could continue to cherish family moments. There have been setbacks in the meantime, but Christian, Anna and the group are helping to process the wave-like feelings and continue to connect with the intention and where I want to grow.

I am deeply grateful for this guidance and support in this huge change process I am in. I bow to Christian and his team.

Review (April 2024, Dorothea): “I feel like I’ve processed and let go of more in one night than I have in the last 10 years of therapy.”

I am very grateful to have chosen the Ayahuasca Retreat in St. Augustin. After an initial sensory overload due to the long journey and all the strangers coming together, I quickly felt at ease by my standards. And even as a very sensitive and rather introverted person, I can honestly say that I felt accompanied at all times. I was seen, was able to have very nice and interesting conversations and had no problem taking time for myself. It’s crazy how different the people are who came together here to experience healing. And how moving every single story is. It was very fascinating.
The schedule is just perfectly structured – on Friday the heart-opening cacao ceremony with Ecstatic Dance, on Saturday you start before breakfast with the Rapé ceremony, which prepares you for the highlight of the evening ayahuasca ceremony. Not forgetting the in-depth group exercise in the garden, where you look each participant in the eye for 90 seconds. The group dynamic is built up inconspicuously in the background without you really noticing it. The tour is very informal and caring.

I particularly enjoyed Anna’s Rapé ceremony. I have had previous experiences with rapé, but they were rather mediocre. The selected Rapé and the way Anna conducted the ceremony and administered the Rapé were simply inspiring for me personally. That’s when the first dam broke for me. I felt supported and accompanied by my male ancestors. My grandpa, who was always very loving towards me, came to mind – and it was simply a warm embrace that moved me to tears.

In the evening before the Aya ceremony, everyone was so excited that some people almost fell off their chairs. It’s completely normal to be excited. Or even get scared. But during the introduction to the ceremony, Christian answered all our questions and allayed our fears. We felt very safe and protected.

I can’t put into words exactly what happened inside me during the Aya ceremony. It is impossible. It was an incredible amount and there was so much that I couldn’t grasp with my mind. Whenever I tried to grasp something, it would just trickle away or melt away. Was it hours or days? I don’t know. I let old patterns burst like soap bubbles. Every time I surrendered, I said “I’m grateful” inside – because I was allowed to let it go. My body was shaking, shaking to the beat of the music and visually everything was shaking. Similar to too much MDMA. It was hardly possible to focus on anything properly. I kept letting go to get into the process.

Again and again I had to intervene with my breath to avoid panicking because my mind couldn’t grasp what was happening. Lie down. Sit down. Surrender. But not? Lie down. Dizziness. Sit down again. This was repeated often.

The music, the vomiting of the other participants and my thoughts merged into a maelstrom of colors, shapes and sounds. Birdsong, animal voices, knocking, giggling, everything was there somehow. I’d never heard anything so weird in my life before. The hardest part was seeing myself in a vision from the outside, causing pain to the people I love. But I watched it because it’s the truth. And for every situation, I was given the right saying for everyday life to put into practice – which then melted away when I tried to grasp it with my mind. Seeing my father’s path (of suffering), especially as a child, was hell. I simply don’t have the words for it. How much violence and coldness can a person endure? That was one of my intentions, to heal my father’s wound. I can now understand even better why he was and is like that. And I was shown that there is no guilt. He is not to blame and I am not to blame – it is the faulty programming that makes us act this way because we don’t know any other way.

How this misprogramming arises and how we humans function was shown to me in a bizarre and detailed way, but putting it into words is beyond the scope. Mama Ayahuasca told me that I can do it differently and break the cycle. That is my task. A machine was spinning (lathe?) and a block fell in – I had to remove it because otherwise I’d get stuck in the trip. That was super crazy, but I got the block out and it kept running. Faces. Colors. Sounds. Bitter ayahuasca taste. Sleep was out of the question even after the trip. I was super jealous of everyone who slept, I slept maybe 4 hours in total. But that’s just my personal little snippet of an experience that is as individual as each person is.

After lying down a lot and trying to sleep, regaining my senses, I realized that Mama Aya had given me this space for myself. The space that belongs only to me, that is empty and where only I am in pure clarity and direct connection to my higher self (soul). What an incredibly relaxed and good feeling! This feeling was like a reset – so this is what it feels like when everything falls away. This is ME in the purest form. Absolute clarity. Of course, I quickly doubted that it would remain so crystal clear and expansive in the long term. I knew that Aya hadn’t blown up my ego but only lifted it briefly. Or rather, I was allowed to let go of many negative parts. I am deeply grateful for that. I had the feeling that I had processed and let go of more in one night than in the last 10 years of therapy. But the preparatory work was of course important and necessary. It makes sense to use herbal medicine in this context. It really has a lot of power and works on all levels at the same time. It literally cries out to be repeated.

At home, I noticed many small positive changes. I was able to sleep again. Better and longer than I had for months. I became much calmer and my thoughts were more structured. Many sabotaging voices in my head have disappeared since then. I am more present in the moment and intuitively know how to best allocate my energy so that I am doing well. Not so easy with 3 children. I experience myself and my everyday life more vividly again. I have the energy and motivation to cope with my everyday life. I’m now eating even healthier and without any stress or pressure. More in harmony somehow. After a very long period of depression, this is a huge relief.

One big wish was to forgive my father. But I can’t (yet) and I’m okay with that. I have the feeling that I don’t have to. Ayahuasca certainly left a very deep impression and I have a lot of respect for Christian, Anna and Iulia, who really run the retreat with a lot of heart, mind and a bit of magic. AHO.

Review (Easter 2024, Alexandra): “It was my best decision to take part in the ayahuasca retreat”

It took a year to make the decision, as the potential loss of control was a major challenge for me. Once taken, there would be no avoiding it.
The trigger was the movie “Ayahuasca”. Sure enough, as they often say, it revealed the next step on the path of working on myself – now with a plant medicine.
This time I felt a great need to have my husband by my side and also because perhaps some things would remain incomprehensible in my later reports. Adventurous and sometimes bizarre experience reports on the website “ayahuasca- in-deutschland.de” showed that we had never entered this world before. The organizer and leader of this retreat was a man whose life was decisively changed by ayahuasca. He who heals is right! Or in this case: what heals is right!
It was supposed to be a 5-day retreat for us. The whole process was absolutely smooth, everything meshed together, was very well organized and thought out, there was no rush or pressure. Anna, Iuliia and Christian remained calm and balanced throughout.
We – my husband and I – spent 5 days in the moment, with ourselves and also in beautiful togetherness, away from all the everyday issues. Ayahuasca also demanded that we stay with ourselves, as we had arrived completely unsuspecting.
With the cocoa on the first evening came the femininity. Warming, protective, understanding and powerful. Lying down and relaxing with beautiful music and the reprieve before tomorrow did us good. Mother Earth as a very old woman and I met. A mother. Or rather: the mother. She understood me and my life at her own distance from all the stories of this world. And she understood the pain that I thought would burst out this weekend and turn into tears. But that didn’t happen. I shouldn’t let my pain stop me, she told me.
It was already dark outside, candles gave her warm light. My heart was racing, stumbling and I was really stressed. There would be no way back. We shouldn’t be distracted by our neighbors, we shouldn’t try to talk to them, everyone had their own individual process and shouldn’t be disturbed.
Anna cleared our smoke with mindful and respectful movements. To do this, everyone stepped forward individually to the heart of the room. Silence. Once again, one by one, we received the plant from Christian, a brew freshly brewed by Christian a few days earlier. Uncertainty while drinking. At first we all lay quietly, until the first audible physical reactions appeared here and there. Someone started the round of vomiting. The latter would certainly not affect me, my body remained calm. Transport vehicles, like a wooden wagon, moved in blue along the ceiling of the room from right to left. Portraits alternated rapidly, adults and children – none recognizable. The man two mats away was singing along to one of the voices from the loudspeaker, but he was still snoring. My brain was too sluggish to wonder about this confusion. I did, however, admire how he was able to lie there and sleep so relaxed. Surely because it was the third time he had been there.
A tunnel appeared several times, lined with yellow-orange rectangles, making a left turn. Sometimes I was in the tunnel and raced into this bend, the end of which could not be seen. Sometimes I saw myself in the tunnel. I’m not really into speed. It was too fast and somehow frightening, not knowing where the road would lead. Was it fear, was I not ready to look any further? The tunnel flattened out again and again, leaving a rotating, yellow-orange checkered rectangle in an area with a similar pattern.
And then there lay the dead king. In a ruby-red robe. I looked over his left shoulder. The crown was only slightly detached from his head, not lying flat next to his head, dethroning him. A strong man. He radiated dignity. He had been murdered, he had not suited “them”. There was this not-wanting-to-accept feeling of foreboding – I leaned so that I could see his face. I was lying there… Was this a confirmation of what a healer had said a few weeks earlier – it would go too far here, but we all come to earth as a blank slate and without experience.
Then the encounter with Johanna. Already a popess, but still a herbalist with heart and mind. This intimacy and her laughter are touching. An encouragement, a hint to devote myself more intensively to the healing powers of plants.
My body finally reacted to the ayahuasca. The distraction was too great and there were no more pictures for the next few hours. Ayahuasca challenged me in a way that nothing had ever challenged me before. Had I ever been so unwell? Had I ever been so weak and powerless? I had to sit up again and again, it was exhausting, and take the spittoon cup. In the few physically calm minutes, I realized that ayahuasca was now also showing me how exhausted I actually am in everyday life. And perhaps it made me think about what I no longer wanted to have or do.
The music was intense, loud and close, divided and sometimes produced threatening voices. Someone kept talking next to me, even though no one was standing there. Voices in the room, impossible to understand… Fortunately, I was spared a trip to the toilet because I saw other participants getting up and carefully taking their steps only with support.
It is unimaginable to ever repeat such a procedure voluntarily. My husband’s physical condition was at least as bad, if not worse. This strong, eternally powerful, patient and never complaining man had been knocked out by a bit of liquid plant medicine.
In the exchange that followed breakfast, there was relief: many people had experienced the same thing, so much so that they initially did not consider a repeat ayahuasca retreat possible. Touching, very moving and enriching experiences were shared. A little envy-inducing was the story of the man who had remained physically well throughout and had experienced colorful journeys through the universe and other spheres. However, every journey is unique and never groundless or pointless.
As the day progressed, the memory of the physical sensations began to fade, even if the weakness was slowly receding.
On the third evening there was the Rapé ceremony, which showed me that allowing and letting be a barely perceptible reaction and acknowledging what is – without wanting more and further – are just as important and lead me a little way towards myself. I didn’t want to have a second dose, I think it was a bit of self-care, the evening before had been quite exhausting. The rapé ceremony as such, with Anna introducing it, remains unforgettable.
Before the second ayahuasca ceremony, I had prepared myself better by drinking a lot of water. Again, my heart was racing and stumbling, despite the curiosity that had arisen and a certain pull as to what ayahuasca would convey or show me next. I had asked the plant to be lenient. And so it did, but perhaps the dose was not enough. When Christian offered us another portion – you had to be able to go forward on your own – it was worth considering. But immediately after the offer, I had to use the spit cup again, much more moderately than the day before yesterday, so it stayed that way. There were no pictures that evening – I know that I was allowed – and wanted – to practise allowing what is.
Sharing all the experiences of this 5-day retreat with each other was once again a gift – the honest encounter and experience of individual life paths with their respective tasks and challenges. And all the participants stayed until the end, which was a good thing.
I would like to thank Iuliia, Anna and Christian and everyone for an extraordinary time together and for important experiences over Easter 2024.
My husband was very unwell again with ayahuasca. We are asked to look at how we deal with ourselves on a daily basis. The plant has more power than I do to make my husband and I aware of this. What is still evident in everyday life today continues to delight me. It was the best decision to take part in the retreat together. Our communication has improved, we are more truthful in our dealings with each other and each of us is more at home with ourselves. We are still eating more mindfully than before. I show myself a little more. And despite a detailed explanation, I lost a long-standing friend who I had deliberately turned down when she asked for a phone call. How much we always take things personally, relate them to ourselves and base our relationship with others on their behavior. When I have the strength, I make a sincere effort to be honest with the other person.
The path to really internalizing that it is not about the outside is something that needs to be taken. Actually living self-responsibility is challenging. Ayahuasca has given me invaluable support in this and we will be using its help again later this year.
A few days ago I heard that there could be some kind of collective release of DMT when (we) humans are ready for it. Perhaps then we will finally step into our true power and into the togetherness that we are truly worthy of and reincarnated for as spiritual beings here on this planet.

Review (June 2024, Maurice): “Thanks to ayahuasca, I can finally let go of my inner pain”

Review (April 2024, Manfred): “My original zest for life has reappeared”

Review (April 2024, Ela): “Ayahuasca is a medicinal plant that can change everything”

Christian, Anna, Iuliia, you are the heart of the place where the impossible becomes possible. I know that this is just the beginning. I am also sure that we will meet again soon. Thank you for that.

Review (April 2024, Katja): “The ayahuasca retreat was one of the most impressive experiences of my life”

I am deeply grateful for this guidance and support in this huge change process I am in. I bow to Christian and his team.

Review (April 2024, Dorothea): “I feel like I’ve processed and let go of more in one night than I have in the last 10 years of therapy.”

Review (Easter 2024, Alexandra): “It was my best decision to take part in the ayahuasca retreat”

Review (April 2024, Manfred): “My original zest for life has reappeared”

Dear Christian, dear Anna, dear Anika,

You hear it often, but I have to repeat it, you are doing an incredible, yes, it has to be said, wonderful job. And you guide us through the whole process with great care and circumspection, so that I always felt safe and understood. Ayahuasca is such a powerful healing plant that I didn't think it was possible.

After the retreat, it was as if a gray veil had been removed from my life (after 74 years!) and my original zest for life had reappeared. Even now in the group sharing that followed, so much is still happening. I am currently realizing how I have kept every unresolved pain in my life deep inside me and locked it away. But the walls have become brittle and an old pain keeps breaking out of me - and I can cry.

It is a liberation, even if there is certainly still a lot in the "bunker".

Many thanks to you and to Mama Ayahuasca.

Review (April 2024, Ela): “Ayahuasca is a medicinal plant that can change everything”

Christian, Anna, Iuliia, you are the heart of the place where the impossible becomes possible. I know that this is just the beginning. I am also sure that we will meet again soon. Thank you for that.

Review (April 2024, Katja): “The ayahuasca retreat was one of the most impressive experiences of my life”

I am deeply grateful for this guidance and support in this huge change process I am in. I bow to Christian and his team.

Review (April 2024, Dorothea): “I feel like I’ve processed and let go of more in one night than I have in the last 10 years of therapy.”

Review (Easter 2024, Alexandra): “It was my best decision to take part in the ayahuasca retreat”

Review (April 2024, Christian): “Return to emotional connection, mental clarity and inner freedom”

I came with heavy burdens from childhood and adolescence (birth trauma,
Broken Home, bullying) and various diagnoses (autism, ADD, social anxiety,
addiction/dependency) only came to the retreat at the age of 40. Before that, years of
years of health insurance psychotherapy without progress, harmful relationships with
catastrophic break-ups, no strength for positive change, no more faith in myself.
in myself any more.

Recently I plucked up the courage to try psycholysis and contacted
with Christian Kelly. Even the first contact was great. Christian
listens very carefully, and his respectful and grounded manner
my uncertainty about the group setting. So I decided
with the desire to work on the birth trauma.

On arrival, the welcome was so loving and appreciative that I will always remember it.
I will always remember it – I was not used to greetings in general
in general (and group situations even more so).
Christian, Anna and Julia radiate such naturalness, attentiveness,
respect and peace that my insecurity disappeared immediately.

All the preparatory discussions, group rituals and ceremonies
were both structured and lively, organic. The team works together
together intuitively and harmoniously. Gentle leadership, free from
pretentiousness. Despite the more than 20 participants, the support was highly
individual and trusting, with the opportunity to turn to one of the three
one-to-one conversations with one of the three.

The ayahuasca experience itself was truly wonderful. Of course it was also
challenging, but Christian, Anna and Julia have created an enormously strong
setting in which exactly the unconditional trust manifests that
which is necessary for the healing experience. So I was able to
simply let myself go, surrendering easily to “Mama Ayahuasca”.

The next day, I realised that the birth trauma still needed a few more
steps to be completely resolved. But social anxiety, depression,
feelings of shame and the pressure of addiction are almost completely gone. I have
my consumption completely (previously at least one gram of weed a day for years
grams of weed a day plus usually at least one or two glasses of alcohol) and
stay relaxed in group situations, even when sober, without fear of
rejection and ostracism, which had previously permanently
my life before.

That night, I became free again from the corrosive doubts inside me.
I feel valuable again, filled with gratitude and can now face the remaining
now turn my attention to the remaining pain in my soul. The cosmic nature of my
soul was always in my head as a concept, but without the feeling of my heart
just a cold something. Now I feel connected again.

The healing really starts after the experience and this is also actively
actively supported and encouraged by the team. I would like to thank Mama Ayahuasca and the
Ayahuasca team in Germany from the bottom of my heart! The path I have started here
I will come back to the retreat again in the summer.

Review (April 2024, Nina): “How ayahuasca changed my life”

I travelled to the retreat with high hopes. After years of
therapy of any kind, I was at the point where I felt safe
to go deep inside myself and meet the sad child,
without wanting to run away from it.

We received a very warm welcome,
we all got to know each other and shared our stories before
the cocoa ceremony, where we were able to experience the wonderful effects of
medicinal plants for the first time. The “crew” always had an open ear throughout the retreat
an open ear throughout the entire retreat and catered to everyone individually. You felt
very quickly felt like one big family, embraced and welcomed.
The group feeling was incredibly strong.

Ayahuasca itself appeared to me as a primal force, a black woman who drew me into a parallel universe.
pulled me into a parallel universe. I got to see beautiful pictures
colours, flew through the stalls of Thailand, drove through Sunset Boulevard
Sunset Boulevard, was allowed to ask questions, received merciless answers and
and thanked Mama Ayahuasca for them. The sound experience was
indescribable, I was one with the music, the music drove me through the
hours. A trip straight out of a picture book, with just a few beautiful
sequences from my childhood.

Now, a few days later, I wake up and
I’ve got the missing link after the fact, I’ve gained access to a
a feeling of sadness, to an old hidden feeling that I couldn’t access
I didn’t have access to before; a door was opened in the ceremony and
I can now work with this feeling, for which I will be eternally
eternally grateful to the plant. I will come back as soon as possible.

Review (April 2024, Michael): “How ayahuasca changed my life”

My wife and I attended the Ayahuasca Retreat one after the other, two months apart.
Ayahuasca Retreat two months apart. With resounding success. What happens to you there
personally cannot easily be put into words.
Someone who has not been there themselves is not fully able to understand
understand what healing processes this sacred medicine can trigger in us humans.
can trigger.

For my part – and here I also speak for my
my beloved wife – can only say that this weekend with Christian Kelly
and his wonderful supporters Anna and Julia, has changed our lives and
changed our lives and our consciousness forever.

We have struggled through life for years with talking therapies. Again and again against our own
feelings due to the abuse we experienced in our parents’ homes.
experienced in our parents’ homes. But somehow we never got past a certain point.
point. We’ve never managed to release our anger, our (self-)hatred,
our grief and the infinite shame once and for all. No, it
only ever succeeded for a short time.

And then came the retreat. Because of
years of therapy, we are well aware of our disturbing feelings.
So we both had a clear intention. I think that the
clearer the goal is set before such a retreat, the more precisely the plant can
plant can help to solve the problem. And what can I say? Nobody can understand
who has not been there, but we have managed to free ourselves from these
from these agonising feelings and made real peace with the people
who did the unforgivable to us. Mother Ayahuasca has shown us
showed us a way out of an unsolvable situation. For this we are eternally
eternally grateful; and we were rewarded with freedom and self-love for taking this
for taking this step – and it was not the last time we took this path.
we have travelled this path. Because the process continues, and new issues and feelings
come to light that need to be dealt with.

I don’t want to give much away about the process, except to say that every single
ceremony is carried out with incredible love and care. And
everything has a deep meaning and importance in order to be excellently prepared for the
process to come. From the moment we arrived and the
warm welcome from Christian, Julia and Anna, I already knew that
that I had arrived at the right place and with the right people.
people. Never before in my life have I felt at home in such a short time in a
felt so comfortable in a strange place with 21 completely strange people. And in the end
end I am a new person, with 21 like-minded people and liberation from the demons
the demons from my childhood. I cannot repeat often enough
how grateful I am for this experience and I would like to thank Christian and his
once again to Christian and his wonderful team.

Review (April 2024, Slawek): “It was the most beautiful journey I’ve ever been on and it’s still going on”

My previous experience with medicinal plants: none. My desire for group therapy: none. The desire to fulfil my wife’s dreams: very strong. Where should I start? The idea of an ayahuasca retreat came from my wife. She had asked for a retreat for her birthday and wanted to do it with me. I didn’t really want to take part, but a gift is a gift. I hadn’t done any research on ayahuasca retreats beforehand and hadn’t read anything about them. I didn’t want to be influenced and thought that I was simply in for a wellness weekend with meditation and relaxation. And that’s what I did. I booked trains, bought train tickets and everything was pre-planned.

Christian got in touch with me and wanted to know my intention. I told him that, followed the detox instructions and travelled to Sankt Augustin in a good mood. I met lots of people there, who arrived one after the other. Everyone was friendly and nice. When we sat together in the evening, I heard a lot of sad stories, but I didn’t want to talk about myself. That wasn’t my aim. In the evening we had a cocoa ceremony, some dancing and I went to bed so relaxed. The next day I felt really good, we had a Rapé ceremony. Then we looked into each other’s eyes, very deeply and intensely. Shortly before that, I had a lot of personal conversations and something changed inside me. I suddenly felt a connection with many of the participants and this feeling became stronger. I slowly realised that I had met many incredibly valuable but lost and wounded people here. I prepared for the ayahuasca ceremony with great anticipation and a little respect (because some of the reports were not always positive).

At 8pm the time had come. We drank the drink one after the other and waited to see what would happen. Wonderful images appeared, colours and cosmic stars. I saw myself as an unborn child, my mum, dad, sister and everyone was happy, including me. Someone next to me threw up, but I was firmly convinced that I would be spared. And I was very wrong! The pictures were different and I felt sick, very sick. I threw up – for hours, I felt sick, the images were horrible and I felt anger and hatred, I felt sick, I had diarrhoea. I couldn’t get up. That was cruel. After a few hours I gave up hating everything and everyone and accepted my pain and suffering and embraced everything. Everything came out, everything that had been accumulating for years. The night was long and painful.

In the morning I still felt bad and all I wanted to do was sleep. After a few hours I was slowly able to get up and we met again to share what had happened to us. One after the other we told each other and the reports couldn’t have been more different. When I got home, all I felt was relief and love. I felt an inner cleansing and a lot of space for new thoughts and a strong connection with people who have suffered with me. It’s been a week here now and I’ve experienced something I didn’t think was possible: I have relived my childhood and worked through it. I have regained my desire for life and work. I still have my allergy, but I feel that it is disappearing. I really feel much better. I feel a very strong bond with dear people I have met who are suffering; and I am excited to see what else the plant will do and move in me.

Thank you Christian, Anna and Iuliia for organising the whole thing perfectly and guiding us through the journey.

Thank you Christian for your wisdom. I find the guidance of Christian, who is in charge of everything, irreplaceable. His gentle and healing voice explains very kindly, slowly and professionally to everyone who asks and asks for help where the problems come from and how we can heal them with patience and the help of ayahuasca. I could listen to him for hours and have become a fan of his. We all (I don’t think I’m alone) experience such a wonderful person far too rarely in our lives. If you don’t fancy ayahuasca and just plan to meet Christian, you’ve already won. The trip to Sankt Augustin is worth the effort. It was the best trip I’ve ever had the honour of experiencing and it’s still going strong.

Thank you Ayahuasca, thank you Christian, thank you all!

Review (Easter 2024, Dominik): “Ayahuasca was the most challenging and at the same time most beautiful and profound experience in my life”

I toyed with the idea of taking part in an ayahuasca retreat for a long time, 3 years to be exact. I, or rather my higher self, knew it would go right to the root of my early childhood attachment trauma and that was what my ego had been protecting me from all these years by suppressing it all. And then I’m supposed to consciously go into it now? Really look the supposed monster in the eye; walk into the eye of the hurricane? In the end, the pressure of suffering was greater than the fear and it was the best decision I could have made to take part. At the beginning I was very sceptical about what to expect and so I “treated” myself to the full 5-day retreat – if nothing else, I thought to myself. Just the fact that I had to open up to 25 strangers and then be in the smallest and most intimate space with them really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Normally I was the bourgeois who would rather stay in a hotel room than sleep on a couch with friends. But that’s also part of the process. There’s no avoiding it in the tightest of spaces, because there doesn’t have to be. You quickly realise that the other person is you and vice versa, everyone has their own story, but I recognised myself in everyone. There is a kind of symbiosis between all the participants and this unique circle is pure healing. To stay chronological, I’ll start with the experience of the cocoa ceremony. To summarise briefly, it is a good start to arrive, let go and connect with the group. I would have liked the breathing exercise to be a bit longer, I’ve been doing breathwork for years, but I think it’s also aimed more at those who are doing it for the first time. The next day we moved on to the first Aya session. Of course, everyone had respect for this – especially me, of course. Thoughts were running through your head: “what will happen to me”, “hopefully I won’t have a bad experience”, etc…. now I’m smarter and can tell everyone here who has the same worries: Mama Aya gives you exactly what you need. And no matter how bad it will feel, you will “survive” it and it is part of your healing process!

Healing= holy= whole= whole. It’s about becoming -whole- again. And that includes the pain. I experienced this during my first session after swallowing this really nasty, bitter-tasting miracle medicine. I would describe the effect as feeling like I was really “stoned”. I could hardly move and was very, very tired. You see lots of patterns/flashes and hear lots of noises. I was also afraid of a supposed loss of control, but I can now tell you from my experience that I never had the impression of losing control, no matter how bad I felt. Also thanks to the safe setting and support from Christian, Anna and Julia.

I was also able to experience a kind of chakra/kundalini cleansing that travelled through my entire energetic body. Apart from the physical symptoms and cleansing processes, I had a very painful emotional experience. I really felt almost nothing but pain in my heart/chest. And this feeling wouldn’t stop – a real blockage. At the same time, I realised how my ego was constantly trying to fight it and I could only watch. Apparently what normally happens unconsciously, only now I felt it 100%. And this really almost drove me to the brink of madness. There was so much pain and it didn’t stop. I asked myself why I was doing this to myself voluntarily. It was my ego, of course, which was quite literally fed up. Understandably so. I couldn’t sleep and as I lay there in my agony, I thought to myself that I definitely didn’t want to and couldn’t go through that again. I was really disappointed as I assumed it would at least dissipate somewhat. Redemption came when I decided to take a shower after this ordeal. When I turned on the water without expectation, I felt a deep sadness and as the water flowed, my tears flowed. It was such a deep and old sadness that came up. I really had to sob and it was a total relief. Along with the sadness came gratitude: for myself, for life, for this sacred plant, for the team, for the participants, for the experience, everything suddenly made sense. And then I no longer had to question whether I would do it again. After Christian had encouraged me again, I was ready for the second session, which went a little more smoothly. I would describe the first half as being really in the flow, like “up in space”. I saw my deceased father, who smiled at me, flew through the universe and also experienced a lot of female love/energy. And the second half consisted of the pain from the first session again. I was able to accept it a little better and thought that release would come at some point. This only came during the joint farewell ceremony. The stories of the other participants touched me deeply and I was able to let go and silent tears rolled down my face and at the same time this all-encompassing gratitude was present again.

In conclusion, I can say that it was the most challenging and at the same time the most beautiful and profound experience of my life, which I’m still savouring four weeks later. My sincere thanks go to Christian, Anna and Julia for enabling people to find healing. And that in an authentic, safe, inspiring and selfless way. See you again!

Review (Easter 2024, Nadine): “I have felt a loving affection for myself again for a long time”

I would like to share how I have been doing since the retreat.

The plant has broken so many of my inner dams. I would like to thank you all for providing such a safe space to express my feelings and be the “retreat crybaby”

This means an incredible amount to me; and to this day, I am able to open the “floodgate of tears” within seconds as soon as I think of an experience that has made me sad or hurt me, and thus to quickly let go and process it. After having had a huge block for a long time when it came to this topic, this is an incredibly healing and, above all, liberating feeling. It is also physically noticeable through the “liberated chest”. The plant made this possible for me and I am incredibly grateful for it.

My intention for this year is to finally make progress in my healing process, to let go of old baggage once and for all and hopefully become a greater asset to my fellow human beings and potential partners. I have noticed how I have been living similar patterns for umpteen years and how, due to old unhealed wounds, I keep exhibiting self-sabotaging behaviour or attracting people who trigger precisely these points or make me repeat painful experiences.

It’s a sign from the universe that there is still work to be done here – and I’m more than ready for it

Over the last 1.5 years in particular, I have “relived” some experiences that triggered some of the darkest times of my youth/early 20s and, above all, severely damaged my self-worth.

As I was mentally incredibly drained and tired from years of “fighting”, “getting back up”, “trying out” various techniques/forms of therapy and a lot of inner work, coupled with a victim mentality in the sense of: “it didn’t help if such painful experiences are repeated”, I simply gave up on myself and a few months ago fell back into the “young/helpless” Nadine, who began to self-destruct with very unhealthy behaviours, including !!!extreme!!! chain smoking, which was absolute poison for my mind, body and soul. It had nothing to do with pleasure or a smoke in between. It was a powerful coping mechanism to suppress feelings and perhaps – due to a lack of self-worth – to harm myself. I felt an unsightly change in every cell of my body, coupled with an incredible amount of shame, and still didn’t manage to stop.

I used to ‘cop out’ with unpleasant feelings in the same way. However, I had stopped smoking completely 10 years ago and also kept my hands off alcohol for 6 years. Sport and a healthy diet became important companions.

Now the plant has really helped me to get back on track.

I smoked my last cigarette before the first ceremony and haven’t had a craving since. I’ve been going to the gym almost every day and I really feel like looking after my health again and I’m very careful about what I consume and what I eat. I feel a loving affection for myself again for a long time, a big step towards rebuilding my self-love. Also through the “suffering” – especially during the first ceremony – I realised how much deep pain I have already experienced, but also survived, because there is a deep power and strength within me. I have the feeling that this was reactivated by the retreat and has fortunately catapulted me out of “self-abandonment”.

All in all, I am much calmer and clearer inside.

I started EMDR trauma therapy again, which also helps me a lot, and there I was able to tap into my feelings directly and much faster than usual.

I was also able to do and experience a lot of forgiveness work in relation to my family during the retreat. I would like to move forward with an open heart and love and try to act with a lot of awareness when dealing with my parents. To act more understandingly and lovingly and to let the past rest, because all that matters is the now and the future. You can create it yourself.

I still have a long way to go, but I am flooded with a wave of gratitude for the experience and the effects of the retreat. Thank you Ayahuasca, thank you Christian, thank you Anna, thank you Julia and thank you all the participants! So many of them really inspired me and made a difference and touched me. That was the great group spirit!

I send light, love and a virtual hug to all participants and the team!

PS: This will definitely not have been my last encounter with plant magic.

Review (February 2024, Josefine): “In the end, the ayahuasca retreat was the best and most beautiful thing I have ever experienced”

Ayahuasca showed me my deepest fears, which didn’t even belong to me. Because I inherited my deepest fears from my maternal grandfather.
For many years, my love relationships always followed a certain pattern. I fought for recognition and love. At the end of each relationship, I fought even harder to save the love. There it was again, that powerlessness. I went to hypnosis sessions, coaching sessions and much more. Nothing really helped. Then I read about ayahuasca again. This time I knew it was time to trust ayahuasca and take the plunge. Right from the start, I had the deep trust that I would find the source of my anxiety in the retreat. I was aware that it would be painful.

For me, my first encounter with ayahuasca was a hell of a trip. I suffered so terribly physically and emotionally for hours. But even during this extreme strain, I knew that ayahuasca wanted to help me. I saw everything. I suddenly knew why I kept looking for a certain type of man. I understood who I was trying to heal and protect through my actions and that it was all down to my mum’s male ancestry. It was one of the most emotionally and physically extreme experiences of my life, but it was also the best and most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

I am so grateful that I faced my fears. Once I was back to my full strength after breakfast on Sunday, I realised how valuable this experience was for me. Since then I have felt so full of love! Every day I am so grateful for my being and full of joy. I have a deep basic trust that my old blockages have been dissolved forever. I would do it again and again – and I know one thing for sure, I will visit Ayahuasca again. Because it was and is so healing.

I am so grateful to Christian and his team. I felt cared for from the first to the last minute of the retreat and I have never felt such a deep connection with people. Thank you for everything.

Review (February 2024, Bärbel): “A complete reset of my self”

I just returned from my ayahuasca journey a week after the retreat ended. I thank Mother Ayahuasca for the help and support I asked for and received. I am humbled by her inherent power and the almost infinite, unconditional healing that she has allowed me to experience. Thank you, you wonderful, loving and highly professional ‘guides’, for your guidance and support.

I would especially like to thank you, Christian, for finding and living your soul mission and for giving us all this opportunity for healing and self-realisation by realising it. I am infinitely grateful for this experience – a complete reset – my hard drive has been formatted and my system can finally access everything that was previously not possible due to 50 years of incorrect programming. I thank all the mothers, lightworkers and souls who have accompanied, guided and held me on this journey.

Review (February 2024, Bernd): “The Syrian Rue war the game changer for my life”

I am very happy and grateful that after my first ayahuasca retreat, which contained mostly very dark and painful experiences, I decided to take this hellish ride again, and it was very nice to do it together with you in the wonderful setting of this retreat. It’s a shame that our little community had to disband so quickly … I could have carried on like this for quite a while (although perhaps not every evening with such a heavy nightcap).

The first thing I realised on Monday was that I had quite a lot of energy and was much more confrontational than usual in an argument with my ex-wife. At first I was worried that I might still be high or that suppressed aggression would come out due to the influence of the medicine. But then I realised that it wasn’t so much aggression, but rather a new steadfastness and honesty … or simplicity. It’s a feeling of inner congruence – “here I am, I know what I want and I do what I want” – without thinking about a thousand alternative scenarios and questioning myself a thousand times.

This is something very special for me, as I normally struggle with every decision and never know whether to choose A or B, and not just in relation to the bigger questions in life. It can go so far that I can hardly get anything done on a normal day,
I can hardly get anything done because I can’t get involved in anything out of the thought that if I do A next, I’m robbing myself of the opportunity to do B. So I usually need a lot of time to plan and prioritise because everything is always so incredibly complicated.

And that all seems to have been blown away now! As far as my professional future is concerned, all doubts about the right path have also disappeared – I started applying for jobs straight away on Monday morning. But I didn’t just do it, I felt it, it came from within, the energy flowed naturally.

I have the feeling that the medicine has removed an inner conflict or broken something inside me that was preventing me from becoming one. I feel very content and at home in my body, in my thoughts and feelings and in my life. It is a feeling of fundamental contentment and fundamental confidence and fundamental oneness with myself. And actually – it sounds almost too good to be true – I wake up in the morning with a desire for the new day and what it has in store. Whereas in my old state of mind, which was characterised by stress and indecision, there was always a background fear lurking behind every action and decision.

During the trip, I asked the medicine (or my higher self) questions and received answers. And I remember thinking, all well and good, but these calendar sayings won’t do me any good in everyday life. “Love, happiness and freedom are within”, “You don’t need to reassure yourself”, “Your standard is enough” … Now I realize that it’s not about putting abstract knowledge into practice. This seems to have been more of an explanatory commentary on how ayahuasca has rewired my brain or my heart. It’s been a very thorough spring clean, everything is so fresh, when I listen to pieces of music I know well they sound like they’ve been dusted off and emotionalize me much more than before, when I meditate I feel like I’m sitting with my whole body and not just my head. It’s incredible and I hope it lasts for a long time.

I’m sure other things I’ve been doing and intensifying recently have also contributed to this new freshness, clarity and simplicity – e.g. yoga, coaching and giving up caffeine (I didn’t start again after the retreat). But the Syrian Rue was the game changer.

Thank you Christian, thank you all!

Review (Januar 2024, Linda): “It’s a miracle how powerfully the medicine – like a primal force – has worked on me”

I made a very intuitive decision to sign up for the retreat.
Many of the experiences I have had in recent years in the area of
spirituality and the expansion of consciousness in recent years have
very obviously pointed the way to Mama Ayahuasca. I was finally
at a point in my life where I wanted to look at this part of my personality
from a different perspective and
wanted to integrate it. Especially after 2023 was a year in which I was not
far away from being broken by this world and the demands of life.
But I didn’t give up and I realised: I didn’t die, I was reborn, even if it was a very painful birth.
Ayahuasca seemed to me like a
rite of passage to close this chapter and move on to the rest of my life.

Even if that sounds very much like an intention, I tried to enter the experience completely
to go into the experience without any intentions. That was quite a
challenge for me. But I was ready to let go and let go
and welcome whatever may come. Many people who
have already taken part in an ayahuasca experience say that ayahuasca is a process
and you can’t describe what ayahuasca does to you.
I also found this very unsatisfactory information at first.
at first. But now I actually find it very difficult to talk about
my experience because I don’t have the feeling that a report
on the internet or small talk can do justice to this experience.
I consider myself to be very stable in my personality, I have been practising spiritual
practice for many years and have already undertaken several
psychedelic journeys into consciousness. But even I am
amazed at how powerful plant medicine has been for me – although I was almost sad
about it during the ceremony itself,
that not so much actually happened. I only realised afterwards
understood what happened and I think that’s why I find it hard to talk about it.
difficult to talk about it. Because the process of understanding it is far from over.
But I understand a little more every day.
Ayahuasca is not some cool, colourful psychedelic trip that you want to experience.
To see ayahuasca as just another drug
drug that you want to tick off your list actually seems to me to be
a very blatant insult to the plant. I perceived the effect of the
plant as a primal force that comes over you and tears apart the
pieces of your self apart, only to reassemble them together with you
and let you participate more and more in this seemingly simple
experience of what it means to be a human being,
to be a soul, to be you. It is indeed difficult to summarise in
words how this plant works for you personally. Imagine
that every person and every life is a unique puzzle that
comes together over the years. Your ayahuasca experience is like another
piece of the puzzle that fits into this picture. It can and will only
fit into your puzzle, and therefore only you can describe in retrospect
what ayahuasca has done to you.
I would now like to describe to you a little of what my piece of the puzzle looks like:

Do you remember my intention to go into the ceremony without intention?
My mind and my thoughts resisted with all their strength
against actually doing so when the effects of ayahuasca kicked in.
set in. I was afraid, it was as if 100 radio stations were playing inside me
hoping that one with a clear frequency would come through and I could
my attention to something, anything light.
Maybe the weather report or something. Losing control, relinquishing responsibility
I’ve never been able to do that. That ultimately drove me into a deep
life crisis, even though I’m only 30. But then a voice
voice inside me that said: “Breathe in, breathe out. And no matter what
happens, I’ll help you.” That’s what I did. I emotionally travelled to many,
many moments in my life that were characterised by a similar fear and
similar confusion: the pain and this lostness that I have always
of that lostness that I always wondered where it came from. And
why these feelings have driven me around like a demon so often in my life.
like a demon. I felt these emotions in these memories that arose in me
that arose in me: this forlornness, this restlessness. But I kept on
breathing, I listened to the voice. And with every breath, the feeling
intensified in one part of my body until it was almost unbearable.
was hardly bearable. But I kept breathing and trusting, I let go
let go, and then I literally threw up this pain.

Mama Ayahuasca has travelled with me through my life, through every
every level of these feelings and at the end of the journey I did not face the demon
that haunts me. At the end of the journey was a helpless,
little girl. I took her in my arms, I have not let go of her hand
I haven’t let go of her hand since. We have been walking through this
beautiful, crazy life together and we enjoy it so much. There are
so many adventures to experience. Her name is Linda, and no matter what happens – I help her.

Christian, Anna and Anika are a great team. It was so nice how you
community into this very, very valuable and essential part of this experience.
Such different people at so many
different points on their journey through this life and to themselves
– and yet we all made it to this place at the same time to share this
share this experience with each other. Christian, thank you for your
calm, rational nature with which you led the weekend and
Anna, thank you for the warmth and passion you shared with us.
with us. Annika, thank you for your smile and the light-heartedness with which
you accompanied us. I carry the memory of this weekend and of the other
the other participants like a little treasure in my heart. I
thank you for that.

With love and gratitude,
your Linda

Review (New Year’s Eve 2023/24, Stephanie): “My experience with the plant medicine ayahuasca, the “tendril of the soul””

First of all, I would like to thank you as a team for creating this sacred space of connection, growth, love, healing and re-membering.
I would now like to share my experiences and impressions of this unforgettable healing journey with you and others. The detached house surrounded by a wide-open landscape and a nearby forest was the ideal place for me to reconnect with my own nature. I was warmly welcomed, lovingly embraced and immediately felt at ease, at home. An atmosphere was created that invites you to let go of your masks, show your feelings and openly surrender to the healing process with the certainty of being held. By sharing our intentions, I got the feeling that I was not alone. I felt this sense of connection, which I often lack in everyday life, from the very first moment. I was able to express what was on my mind and be who I am without being judged for it.
We celebrated the first evening with a heart-opening cocoa ceremony, supported by the invigorating and intoxicating effect of holotropic breathing. Our bodies moved to wonderful music. It was just right for the group. The mood finally relaxed. We all became one and our souls danced together. There was so much love, joy, fire, freedom and pure energy in the room. At that moment, I felt a strong sense of connection and self-acceptance. I love to dance. I am there. I AM.
We started the next morning with a meditation to open ourselves to the spirit of Rapé medicine. Rapé is also considered the male counterpart to the female ayahuasca plant. Anna lovingly administered the ashes of the rapé tobacco into both nostrils. This was very unusual for me at first, as it was my first time. My eyes began to water, a slight smile on my lips. Calm, strong, balanced. The carousel of thoughts stops abruptly. I feel grounded. I wish I could connect with my feelings. Sadness and anger emerge. I ask “Where does the suffering come from?”. The answer I receive is: “Ask your mum.” A feeling of resistance comes up, then anger again. Anger at the people who physically and emotionally abused me in my childhood. “Let it go. It’s over now. You are safe NOW.” Should I ask Mama Aya where the suffering comes from?
Am I ready to let go of the suffering?
My intention changed over the course of the retreat. And the many conversations with the other participants, the exchange with like-minded people, with people who think and feel similarly to me, also contributed to this. The group spirit also contributes to healing. That’s why the group-strengthening exercises that we did in the afternoon before the ceremony were also very valuable. Especially the exercise where we looked intensely into each other’s eyes. For me, the eyes are always somehow a mirror of the soul; not only feelings, the current mood or the state of health can be recognised in the eyes, but also the level of consciousness or perhaps the age of the soul? In any case, these were “breathtaking” moments for me in the truest sense of the word, moments outside of time and space, moments of unity and the merging of souls. It was nice to get to know the participants in this way too. We then had the rest of the afternoon to prepare for the “actual” ceremony in peace. Some participants slept, others chatted or went out into nature and the forest. And then it was already there: the calm before the storm.
I feel ready. I feel ready to look where it hurts the most, where I was hurt the most as a child. I want to consciously feel the suffering, the suffering that has been with me all my life. This victim mentality that I have been in all my life. I no longer want to numb myself with unhealthy conditioning such as smoking, alcohol, drugs or sex. All my life I have pushed away bad feelings in order to function in the family system in which I grew up. They are now allowed to be there and be felt. I want to embrace them lovingly, like a mother embraces and cares for her children. I am allowed to show myself weak and vulnerable.
Be careful what you wish for, it could come true.

This saying came to my mind. I instinctively sensed that the night would not be easy. I have to say that I have already had the honour of placing myself in the loving hands of Madre Ayahuasca twice. The first time, however, not with the help of the medicinal plant Syrian rue, but with the help of Chacruna and Banisteriopsis Caapi. As Syrian rue triggers the release of the body’s own DMT, I was honestly rather sceptical at first. Unlike chacruna, this plant naturally contains DMT and is therefore not permitted in Germany. It was very important to me to be able to exchange ideas in my mother tongue this time, which is why I decided to go on the retreat here in Germany. It was only afterwards that I realised that everything is already within us. It’s about remembering. We are nature. And the plant spirits or medicines help us to activate our own healing powers. We just often lack access to our true nature, to our being. The last few times, my subconscious was not yet ready to look at the wounds of my childhood, to feel the feelings. I was still too much in control or other things were important in my life. I believe that everything comes at the right time. The steppe rue had a much stronger effect on me than Chacruna and Caapi.
After we had all drunk the magic brew, we all lay down in silence so that the plant had the peace and time to connect with us and take effect. I stayed in trust, because I know that the plant gives you what you need in your life at the moment. No more and no less. It doesn’t matter what your intention is, your subconscious knows better. Leave the ego outside when you come. My journey began with the song “Weaving of the Spirit”. I felt energy pulsating in my body, it flowed into me through the music. I sat down cross-legged and was ready to just receive. I saw fire, images, animals, the music dancing around me. All one – and by the time I wanted to grasp it, it was already gone again. A permanent dialogue between my mind and ayahuasca. I want to analyse, understand and explain everything. Aya tells me “Let go, let go, let go.” I felt restless. So endlessly restless. Constantly analysing. Another thought and another. I try to direct my concentration to my breath. Receiving and letting go.
I hear the first participant throwing up. I also feel sick. Instinctively, I want to stay in control. Resistance arises in me. Let go. I am ready to let go of the suffering. I feel ready to hand it over. But nothing comes. I try, nothing comes. I feel miserable. I want it to be out. Damn it. I let go. The more I stay in trust and just try to observe and give up control, the more I realise that it’s about to happen and the detox process starts. I start to throw up. But it wouldn’t stop. It kept coming more and more, as if all the poison wanted to get out of my body. And there it was: the suffering! I felt helpless and powerless. The feelings of my childhood came up. I knew that I had to get through it and remain confident. My body detoxed. You can do this. I had to go to the toilet urgently and somehow managed it. On the toilet, I flushed my vomit down the toilet. At that moment, there were black worms moving around. It was disgusting what was in my body, in my being. Relief came: it’s out!
The night was a constant alternation between me vomiting, sweating and shivering. It occurred to me that I could now help myself! I am no longer the helpless and powerless little Stephanie. I summoned my inner helper to lovingly wrap a warm blanket around me. He came with the blanket. Then the feeling came up that it wasn’t that important and that I shouldn’t pay so much attention to it. That I’m not that important! That I didn’t deserve it. Rubbish! All beliefs from the past. I took the time to let my helper ceremonially tuck me in – and it felt good. Then the fear of rejection came up, which I also felt as a child and so I always adapted, always careful not to stand out, not to be annoying, not to be cheeky. When I threw up, I thought I was disturbing other participants. It was as if I could read their minds.

Whether this was real or just a fantasy, I don’t know. I was, as one learns in dysfunctional families, very much on the outside again. What was happening around me? Who could do something to me? I called my black cat for help. He came, danced and wagged away strange thoughts, energies with his tail. I am safe. And so I tried to get through the night. At some point I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning and was very proud to ask for help (I wouldn’t have dared to do that a few years ago), I realised that I wasn’t the only one who’d had such a stormy night. Something happened to all of us and even in this wounded, ashamed state, I was able to show myself.
I surrendered the suffering. It was transformed into deep feelings of unity, gratitude, love, connection and compassion, which I already carry within me. The way home, to total remembrance, is through letting go. Letting go of who we thought we were. Letting go of what saved us one day and what we still cling to today because we think it will still save us today. Ayahuasca helped me to cleanse myself and free my body from suffering, illness such as inflammation in my fingers, self-pity, self-sabotage and toxic poisons. I was ready to look at the misery, embrace it, lovingly cover it up and then let it go. Any resistance was futile.
The rue showed me its enormous cleansing potential. It is a gift to be alive. I died in the night and was born again. Now it is time to change and integrate what I have learnt, because as a wise man once said: “A plant is always a reminder of what we have to do.” (Christian).
I have found that when I ask for help, help comes. I am not alone and I don’t have to do everything on my own. I can touch other souls through my actions and words. I am allowed to show myself and my individual gifts to the world. It is important that I put myself first in my life. Far too often I have taken care of others, helped others. But only when I myself am nourished and content can I be an asset to others. That’s why I want to do more introspection and self-acceptance. How do I feel at the moment? How do I talk to myself? I want to get out of a life determined by others, out of the victim mentality and into a self-determined life in which I take responsibility for myself, my beliefs, thoughts and actions, as the creator of my reality. Because if I already feel joy and abundance in the here & now and already feel loved, then the outside can follow suit. Because: as on the inside – so on the outside. It is important that I now look after myself and be the loving parent that I didn’t have as a child. I am ready to listen, to be mindful, to value myself and to stay disciplined in order to see clearly and continue to follow the path of my soul.

Review (New Year’s Eve 2023/24, Olga): “Ayahuasca has changed everything: Now I feel the unity of my body and body and soul and feel inner freedom”

I experienced the following feelings intensely before my ayahuasca experience:
Anger, jealousy, hatred, envy, rejection, sadness, worry, fear. Above all
feelings of futility, shame and guilt were intense companions.
I turned to psychotherapists. I suffered from insomnia, inner
restlessness, high blood pressure, depression, panic attacks. This behaviour was classified as
categorised as pathological!
I entrusted myself to conventional medicine. Antidepressants, neuroleptics,
beta blockers… None of it helped. It got worse.
Dedicated myself to personal development 6 years ago. Read a lot. Changed my
changed my entire lifestyle: No alcohol, no nicotine, changed my environment
surrounded myself with positive people, no TV, no news,
I spent a lot of time in silence, did energy work, I allowed the pain.
allowed the pain. I no longer numbed my feelings.

Now, looking back after the retreat, ayahuasca, God, the higher power,
call it what you will, brought me the explanations. I become calm and
now realise that everything was somehow “right”, that I am right. And
I recognise the deeper meaning in this experience.

In 2023, I experienced the world, my reality, differently. I perceived myself in my
body as a soul but did not feel comfortable. I suddenly felt
suddenly felt so much and tried to put it into words somehow. But I
couldn’t do it. Above all, the mind switched on. For other people
people, my experiences were completely incomprehensible.

I realised that what I was experiencing had an effect far beyond “pure” mental understanding.
beyond “pure” mental understanding. That’s why I perceived the way I met other people differently.
differently.

My realisation after the retreat: every person experiences these feelings of the soul
in the course of their earthly life
Loneliness:
The feeling of loneliness became stronger and stronger. The foundation for depression
was laid. I ran away, distracted myself and kept myself constantly
busy. Despite this, I felt like an outsider. Even
even when I was around people, I always felt alone inside. The
idea that other people could like me seemed absurd to me. No matter
no matter how much I was praised. I often felt rejected and
didn’t belong anywhere.
Love: I had everything: a husband, a wonderful daughter. Why do I feel
I feel lonely?
Today I understand: there is a difference between “human love” and
“love of God”. Love for a person is the longing for human closeness, security
closeness, safety, affection, warmth and security.
But it will never satisfy the one longing. That is why so many
people feel lonely despite being next to their partner. This is the longing for God.
My realisation: being a soul and being human: Both must happen at the same time
happen at the same time. I love people, and at the same time I long for unity with
the higher.
Heaviness, suffering: I felt heaviness. I felt bound to a body.
It was terrible. A palpable feeling of pressure on my breastbone, as if
life and all its problems were trying to crush me. It is the suffering that so
many people feel. A feeling of depression: you feel a sense of
sense of futility and the fear of no longer being able to carry the burden. I had reached
reached the breaking point. I was often barely able to carry any “extra” life
and was overwhelmed by everything. Little things became too much for me.
But now I know: it’s not a mistake, unwillingness or lack of competence like so many
many people tried to tell me. It is an echo of my soul, which remembers
remembers God. And after the breakthrough of a suffering, I only really grew as a person
not because everything was always nice. To go through suffering
means experiencing growth. The pain we feel is also called
also called “growing pains”.
After a lot of inner work, I began to feel joy.
Joy: It was an inner restlessness that felt so beautiful and exciting at the same time.
and exciting at the same time. This feeling was new to me. I have so much energy,
sometimes almost unbearable, I can almost explode.
A feeling of lightness and light-heartedness. I felt the need to
to float, I wanted to expand and become wide and light. My heart
could almost explode with happiness. In everyday life, I often realise that
my fellow human beings with the excess energy of joy is often annoying to others.
others. I have adapted my energy to my fellow human beings so as not to stand out.
I have disguised myself so as not to attract attention.
Today I know that lightness, joy and bliss are a reminder
that we are actually souls in the subtle heaven. From the
From the point of view of heaviness, the soul has the opportunity to remember
what it was like before.

Ayahuasca grounded me and led me to clarity.
After great emotions, after many misunderstandings and discrepancies
between my body, my mind and my soul as one, I know:
I now know the truth. I feel freedom as a human being. It is like an
inner smile. I simply feel quietly, with a fulfilling joy
about being human.

Review (New Years Eve 2023/24, Andreas): “The inner conflict between the cry for love and the fear of showing it”

I would like to start by talking about myself in order to give context to the actual experience.
My childhood was associated with violence and alcohol. My upbringing included parts of the “cold” Russian upbringing.
Today I can say that I was an attachment-traumatised and developmentally disturbed child. My father was not a male role model and my mother was completely overwhelmed. This resulted in me orientating myself towards my peers or the “cool” older boys, rappers and gangsters in films. During my school career, I did pretty much everything “wrong” that you could do wrong, I never particularly wanted to go to school. After school, I did some kind of apprenticeship because that’s what you “have to” do. I spent 8 years trapped in my monotonous job in a shift operation in industry and finally had time to “live” at the weekend. This so-called “life” was just an escape from my inner world, an escape into parties, substances and criminal circles. A little over a year ago, I hit rock bottom and my soul signalled to me that this path was optional. I realised that I have the power over my life and started to deal with profound questions. I went through so many areas, be it psychology, spirituality, biology, economics, etc. Looking back, I really developed quite quickly and got closer and closer to my core. Who I actually am. Not the mould I was pressed into. Of course, this also had a positive impact on my life, be it in terms of communication, relationships with other people or my interests.

Then the call of the plant came at some point.
I must have been on this website 20 times, my thoughts told me “it can’t be, something’s not right”.
But the signs of the plant became clearer and clearer. That’s how I ended up on this site again. There was a very long experience report (the only one I hadn’t read because it was too long for me) that had given me exactly the sign I needed to sign up for the New Year’s Eve retreat. I felt deep inside me that this was the next step in my further development.
In this one year I have already come very deeply in relation to my inner child, but I knew from the moment I signed up for the retreat that the plant would give me another view of my inner child, it would take me even deeper. And that’s exactly how it was!

This whole weekend I felt an inner struggle. My soul against my protective armour, which enabled me to survive in my childhood.
During the round of introductions, the protective armour completely enveloped my real self, I was so angry and sad about it at the same time. I had had it so well under control over the last few weeks. But well, so many “strangers” and me wanting to open up but not being able to. I doubted, was I in the wrong place after all? Occasionally, however, I had great, in-depth conversations again and the protective armour came off again. I don’t want to go into the individual ceremonies, feelings and visions too much now, because they were very individual for everyone. The sharing on the last day was my personal highlight of the retreat. The plant showed me what I needed to do on various levels. I was finally able to let go of the protective armour that has so often blocked me in my life. I felt so much grief, cried so many tears, I couldn’t and didn’t want to hold it back any more. And suddenly there were these “strangers” who took me in their arms. Just as I am right now, without judgement. I could just let myself go, I could let go of so many old burdens. It was indescribably beautiful and liberating! I am infinitely grateful for every single one of these wonderful people!

Despite my inner conflict, I felt very comfortable.
The whole set-up was wonderfully harmonised!
Christian, Anna and Iuliia created such a peaceful and harmonious space for all of us. You can feel that they are doing this from the bottom of their hearts!

Once again, I would like to thank everyone who was part of my personal journey from the bottom of my heart!
I feel a deep connection to these wonderful people.

Review (November 2023, Phillipp): “My inner journey with ayahuasca”

Suddenly I’m very excited and nervous. A fear rises from my stomach into my head, especially the worry about the possibility of severe nausea.
We have all gathered together, sitting on our mats, Christian welcomes us to the ayahuasca ceremony, explains the exact procedure and answers any final questions.
The participants come forward one by one, Christian asks them once again about their intentions, then pours the dark brew into the Ramazotti glasses provided.

I briefly repeat my reason for the upcoming trip: I want to open my heart again, to liquefy the hardenings, there would be much more to say. I take the glass with both hands, bring it to my heart and down it in one quick swallow. Have a good trip!
Contrary to my expectations, it tastes excellent, I trace the pungent bitterness of the brew with my tongue and think to myself: this is a good omen, it tastes good, it will suit me, maybe it won’t be so bad…

Leaning against the wall, I breathe in and out deeply, trying to glide calmly and relaxed into the evening. The ayahuasca music hums loudly from the box hanging on the wall opposite. The first fellow travellers are already getting high from the plant and need to get rid of it. Like a fuse, I think, which is approaching from the left and will soon set me alight too. I feel slightly dizzy, lie down flat, push the sleep mask over my eyes and curl up in the blankets. My heart starts to pound, faster and faster. It booms with the bass, beats in my stomach, in my throat, in my whole body. Frightening and alive. My heart beats harder and harder, like the trembling membrane of the loudspeaker. My chest opens up, as if the ribs on both sides are pushing outwards and making room for this huge volcanic bubble that wants to rise to the ceiling, to the sky. My body stretches out, spanned only by a fine, transparent skin. I look down at myself, a large, transparent gecko that you can see inside, the juices pulsing through it. Under the hammering heart, stomach and oesophagus. There the brew sloshes, rises, sinks again. Like a water level indicator, I can see and feel how full I am. I waver between resistance, control and surrender. Will the fuse not light for me? Can I calm the plant with deep, calm breaths and keep it down there? But what will it do there if I don’t offer it an exit? And don’t I want to get rid of this pulpy, bloody, red soup, hand it over, put it out into the air so that I can breathe again myself?

In front of my closed eyes, black, swirling nothingness with a pull forwards, like a lure that I first follow, then hesitate. A snippet of the meditation text we heard at the beginning of the ceremony comes to mind: “Look into the abyss”. The black dissolves into a dark red flicker, millions of tiny pores, single-celled organisms and dots pulsate past me – a reflection of the archaic fluid in my system, the level of which I still observe from time to time, half stepping on the brakes, half longing for it to spill over.
The dense network of flickering particles thins out and I am sucked into an endless expanse of space, sparsely populated with planets and chunks. I know that I am heading for the sun. And in no time at all, I’m already there. But the sun is a black hole, surrounded by a ring of fire that flickers an evil red colour. I don’t want to go there, I block myself, can escape the attraction, whizz past, lie back on the mattress, the bass crashes deeper and more forcefully against my dizzy head, making the soup inside me slosh back and forth and rise higher, the swell becomes choppy, I become increasingly seasick. I imagine the brew taking on the shape of a snake, coiled up like a lasso, its head raised upwards, sometimes lashing out towards my neck. By now I know she will come, soon. Nervous as she is, she urges me outside. I surrender to this realisation, hoping she will come.

There is a lot of murmuring, voices, whispering around me – when I open my eyes, there is nothing. People come close to me, dark figures, even merry fellows, musicians. They play like gypsies from the century before last. Someone grabs my ear, another pinches and teases me, usually in a friendly and joking manner. Then I travel along a long dark tunnel that leads into the interior of the pyramid, the walls covered in golden Egyptian hieroglyphics, a bend to the left that I don’t follow for fear of what might await me there. Countless golden and bronze signs pass my field of vision, the lettering blurred and shimmering excessively brightly, so that I can’t decipher any of them, no matter how hard I try.
My mother’s face as a young woman, she laughs at me derisively. Then the picture of my father, emaciated, fragile, close to death. I zoom in on his face, sunken and grey, he closes his eyes, dying. My mother’s face, a waxen death mask, I weep with grief and pain and know that we have to share this grief, fear and pain, communicate with each other. I see my parents without judgement or reproach – with their own fears and longings, without me relating any of it to myself, without my anger, my tension, my hardening. All of them without me; a loving, peaceful relief. Many friends, former acquaintances, past romantic partners are now coming my way. I feel love, gratitude, reconciliation and the desire to tell them all.
Two banners flutter past me in the air. One says: Don’t always want, want, want. The other: Constantly tired and strained, but no sleep. I think about this constant tension, which rarely leaves me and accompanies me until my sleep is too short.

Now the ayahuasca snake winds its way swiftly up my neck, finally! I get up for the first time in the evening, shaky and dizzy. Christian helps me with my lurch to the loo. I’m suddenly very, very sick, can hardly coordinate my movements, try to move very slowly, everything is spinning, flashes on the periphery of my field of vision. The whole act of going to the toilet is a huge, wobbly challenge. At the same time, the feeling that something is running through me, that I’m just an intermediate station, a reading device trying to decode a slippery punched tape. This technical vision collapses, the bodily fluids outside and inside become the primordial soup, the primordial ooze of life in which we all swim, which is not separate from us at all, of which I, we, everything consists.
I park my weak, sore body on the stairs in the immediate vicinity of the clone. It’s not over yet – the mother snake has left my body, I imagine her brood is still swarming around in the nest that is me. Eventually, after hours (?), I have also released them into the wild and return to my mat with Anna’s help. I hardly feel nauseous any more, what a relief. I can now keep and integrate what remains in my body. Now I listen into the room, where people are sighing, moaning, mumbling, crying and choking. A symphony of pain, human suffering from the depths, a throaty chorus from the darkness of time, since man has been man – from much older primeval times. I feel connected to my neighbours, to the group, to humanity and its foggy origins. Emilia now plays caressing, conciliatory notes on her harp instrument, which drape over me like a warm, soft cloth. I am briefly startled when I think I hear the rotating roar of a helicopter – and indeed, a helicopter is falling behind my neighbour on the right and sinking through the ground.

The music ends. With peace in my heart, gratitude and admiration for my fellow travellers and for our calm, loving companions who watched over us during the storm, I sink into a dark, imageless sleep.

—

The sharing round in the afternoon of the next day is a huge task for me. As so often, I am gripped by the fear of speaking in a large group, of being the centre of attention, all eyes on me. Past experiences of anxiety have ranged from being completely constricted to trembling to near unconsciousness. Even now that it’s only my turn at the end, I can feel the blood rushing from my head to my legs and my body starting to tingle. Fear of fear of fear…
Only when Florian hands me the wooden talking stick can the endless loop of thoughts about what I should/can/must say and how, and all the oppressive fear, come to an end. I can simply share exactly that: how I am only now, in my momentary fear, realising how tense and shaky I was when I set off for this weekend. Lucia from Basel had said it shortly before with tears of sadness and relief, the constant observation of the self that is perceived as inadequate and wrong: Am I saying the right things, am I moving strangely, what do others think? The frequent feeling of being a flawed being, awkward, detached, armoured, immature, awkward, filled to bursting (the red head) with shame.
The hardest thing suddenly seems the easiest, even if the easiest thing is the hardest. Open up, don’t hide your wounds, share your fear and thereby take away the fear of others, just as they have bravely done for you. The cramp loosens, the breastplate melts, I can breathe freely again. Just as I felt connected to the pain and relief of my fellow travellers during the previous night, I now feel connected to the fears and hardships of the others, but also to their cautious happiness of liberation, the feeling of happiness about my own courage. I am almost proud of myself and this group of very different people who have become so close to each other in just three days.

—

One week later. It has become freezing cold. The rain has stopped. At night, the chilly haze creeps into the streets of Cologne. The big old poplar tree, whose rustling leaves we listen to sitting on the balcony in the balmy summer, stands black and bare in front of the Saturn tower block. I wonder when it sprouted from the ground and who exactly sat here on the old balcony over 100 years ago. A pair of blackbirds hop up the fire escape in the backyard, talk to each other and disappear over the roof. Tits excitedly explore the crumbling window sills, a pigeon looks down on me from the top floor. Behind the poplar tree, flocks of crows make their magical formations and caw into the twilight. It is quiet and peaceful, only in the distance the squeaking of shunting trains, now and again a horn like that of incoming steamships, in which there is a hint of another shore.
I am happy. I think the cat on my lap is too.

Aho…

Review (September 2023, Shirley): “The holy plant mother keeps me safe in her leaves full of love”

I had already decided to go on a retreat with Christian at the end of 2022. I made the decision because I had read about David Icke’s ayahuasca experience in one of his books at a time when I was quarantined at home with coronavirus and had a lot of time to read. I initially realised that I would have to fly abroad to read it, but to be honest I didn’t want to travel too far. So I did a little research and found, how could it be otherwise, “Ayahuasca in Germany” on Google, just a few scrolls down with the computer mouse: a completely legal variant that is also permitted here in Germany. The ayahuasca of the north, the Syrian steppe rue (a very beautiful plant, by the way), the plant with consciousness without added DMT. Only the body’s own DMT is released from the pineal gland, which makes it an absolutely legal component here in Germany. So it was clear that I didn’t have to travel too far to be able to have such a psychedelic experience. What’s more, I immediately decided in favour of the 5-day retreat due to the therapeutic approach of “mental self-healing”. Here, after the first ayahuasca experience and simultaneous healing, the second session followed on from the first. I have to say that I “only” found the motto of the retreat interesting in the first place. At that time, I didn’t know about the effects of psychedelics on the human psyche or what they can release in people and what healing can be experienced. I was completely ignorant in this respect. I was thinking more of an experience that would provide me with knowledge about interesting conspiracy theories, among other things (which is of course also possible if you have the intention to do so).

Once I had decided on the autumn retreat and everything was in the bag, I suddenly felt a strong urge to watch all kinds of documentaries and reports on ayahuasca and other psychedelics. I came across more and more testimonials and documentaries focussing on the therapeutic approach of psychedelics. Obviously, ayahuasca had already had a strong influence on me since signing up for the retreat, even though almost a year was still to pass. I came across topics that were very relevant to me and needed to be healed. Among other things, the topic of “no fap” (abstaining from masturbation) and “porn consumption” were topics that suddenly triggered me very strongly. I need to expand on this briefly:

I didn’t always have it easy with women when it came to relationships. There were always short-term relationships or affairs that ended quickly, either because I wasn’t satisfied, I looked too much for faults in the other person or they were simply too sexual, where you lost interest in the other person after just a few weeks or it just wasn’t enough to fall in love. On the other hand, I also attracted women who ticked in a similar way to me, so that I also attracted the same experiences that I myself had given others. Looking back, I don’t have to wonder why my life was always characterised by disappointment when it came to relationships. On the other hand, there was also the childish component.

The first three years of life decide how the influence of these years will decisively shape our lives.
Even before I was born, I was confronted with all kinds of drugs (alcohol and smoking were probably the least harmful). I was born with FASD (foetal alcohol spectrum disorder). The doctors had already labelled me a cripple and thought I would never be able to lead a normal life.

First and foremost, I can laugh about it. Even though things didn’t always go perfectly and I was always a little different to the other children, had learning difficulties and other mistakes that FASD brings with it (which, among other things, led to me experiencing a lot of bullying), today I have both feet firmly on the ground. Unfortunately, I only found out that I had FASD towards the end of my first 30 years of life. That explained a lot about why I was the way I was. The scales fell from my eyes. My foster parents never made an issue of the fact that what I have is actually a kind of illness that can still be seen on my face to this day (Google: FASD face). I didn’t have a clue about it, although of course people are much better informed about it nowadays than they were in the 80s / 90s. I just used to have a lot of hospital stays, often had to go to the doctors and have growth hormone injections. I never really knew why. I was only ever told that my mum “smoked a lot” (that’s why I was so small and needed these growth hormones) when I was still in my mum’s womb. Nothing else came up. It wasn’t until years later that I found out about all the other drugs involved, for example through my related grandad. Only the illness itself was never explained to me, so that I received real information about my personal nature, as I was, with all my faults and weaknesses.

Now I carry what happened in the first three years of my childhood and during my pregnancy with me “subconsciously” for the rest of my life. I was moved around, always changing environments, after birth to a mother and child home in Kiel, out of my native city of Berlin, then to a short-term foster family, then to a children’s home and then back to a foster family, where I grew up for 15 years of my life without love and siblings (who were their own children), as a fifth wheel on the wagon (including a lot of experience of violence). When I was 18 years old, I immediately took the opportunity to leave the family and go into assisted living. Ticked off, stamped as an experience, I thought to myself. I was happy to finally be able to almost stand on my own two feet again. I repressed thinking about it, swallowed the feelings and made my heart “hard”. I didn’t want to think about everything again, how I had been treated all those years. It was over and that was the end of it for me. I didn’t want to talk about it or think about it anymore, I just wanted to continue on my way.

Now back to ayahuasca: as I mentioned earlier, like magic, I automatically gravitated towards the topics that were and are important to me throughout the year. I looked at trip reports on all kinds of psychedelics, studied them from a therapeutic point of view, and also looked at “No Fap” reports and their effects on the human psyche. I also started practising “No Fap” and abstained from pornography. Strangely enough, the whole thing has been very successful for me, because to this day I haven’t even consumed any more in this direction and I no longer waste my life energy unnecessarily, feeling (even today) more energised and fitter in everyday life with “No Fap”. In fact, this has been one of my many problems in relationships with women. I never saw all these things like this before I signed up for ayahuasca and never questioned them. The whole year for me was completely centred around the ayahuasca session. There wasn’t a week when I didn’t think about ayahuasca, I intuitively dived into the “field” again and again to sense what was coming my way. This also made it easier for me to attract the topics that were important to me.

Now let’s move on to the retreat itself:
On 18 October 2023, full of anticipation, I travelled to Sankt Augustin. I was so excited about the days and mega-curious about what to expect. I was warmly welcomed with a hug from Anna, Annika (the loving helpers) and Christian (a very loving person and leader of the retreat). I was first introduced to the whole house from top to bottom and got chatting to some of the participants straight away.
After everyone had arrived, there was an official round of introductions and everyone was able to say a few words about themselves. This was followed on the same evening by the cocoa session with holotropic breathing and dancing to psychedelic music (if I can call it that). As I had already taken part in a few cocoa ceremonies before ayahuasca and in preparation for the sessions over the course of the year (out of curiosity, I had really wanted to try it out beforehand), I was already familiar with the effects of cocoa. After ingesting the warm liquid cocoa, which tastes slightly bitter, it has a very warm, heart-opening effect. This intensifies the effect of holotropic breathing. Some people, like me, were able to feel an electromagnetic field around them, which I found very exciting and a cool experience.

That same evening, after the cocoa session, I got into more in-depth discussions with some of the participants. There were some very interesting conversations. With my resonance, I naturally attracted the right free spirits. The conversation then immediately turned to topics such as the flat earth and other spiritual things that would not have been an option for everyone. If you decide to take part in a retreat like this, you have to be 100 per cent sure that you will meet people there who will question your own world view, if you don’t already think like me, because I question a lot of things myself. But don’t worry. Nobody will demand that you have the same views. We all attract what resonates with us. Some people have also found themselves together with someone who was more preoccupied with business and their career and talked about it. So everything is fine. You also meet “normal” people there.

The next day, 19.10.23, we held our first ayahuasca session. Before the session had even started, I already felt an emotionality inside me that I had never felt before in my life. It was as if mum ayahuasca already had her fingers in the pie. I just started crying out of the blue. I had been able to hide it a little and had retired to the 5-bed room after the end of the meditation that was held before the first session. Until the session began, I continued to cry out of the blue, so that meditation or even sleep was out of the question.
And then it finally started. The session was opened and we were finally allowed to drink. This stuff tastes really bitter. No wonder it’s not addictive. It really takes a lot of courage and dedication to pull off a session like this.

It took a while for the effect to kick in and for the DMT to be released from the pineal gland. I had to wait at least an hour. Not much happened during this time. Only my feeling told me that I was being “worked on”. The inner words such as “so many suppressed emotions” kept triggering reactions in me such as brief “crying” and slight hyperventilating. I had some images from my childhood in mind. Some images of myself reading the newspaper or doing something else, for example. No visions or anything. Just the feeling that a lot was being broken open inside me that wanted to be flushed to the surface. I also felt my own aura very strongly around me. When I thought I had to get a second glass, I lifted my upper body up and immediately threw up. The screams I let out sounded like the devil himself had been cast out of me. It was terribly exhausting for me, but I knew it was for my own good. I was shaking like a leaf and kept noticing flashes of light around me in the room. I could also make out ethereal animal creatures or grimaces in the spittoon again and again. Unfortunately, I didn’t focus on them that much. I have unfortunately forgotten many animals. I could at least make out a bird and a kind of buffalo. I hung over the bucket all night, trembled terribly, had distortions of perception and every time I wanted to put the bucket down, it felt like it was thousands of metres to the ground before I could finally put it down. All in all, the first session was very emotionally upsetting, I brought up a lot of suppressed emotions and beliefs and felt like I’d had too many energy drinks all night. I couldn’t even begin to think about sleeping afterwards. The next morning I still felt like I was in a trance. I couldn’t drink anything (the water went straight back into the spittoon) and I couldn’t eat much either. I also still had the strong feeling that there was still a bit of the potion in my stomach. Incidentally, the whole emotionality wasn’t over at all after the first session. On the contrary. It only really started at breakfast. I cried, cried snot and water and cried. I was lovingly embraced by the people there, they held my hand, sympathised with me and talked me through it.

Then, after breakfast, there was a sharing session where everyone was able and allowed to share their experiences. Each one was incredibly exciting and touching at the same time. I felt every word from the other participants, while I continued to indulge in tears and couldn’t hold them back. When it came to my turn, I had no idea that I was about to experience the strongest emotional outburst of my life. I started talking and the words just poured out of me, although I didn’t know where to start at first. My childhood, the first 3 years, the FASD, the time in foster care. I was able to talk about all of this freely in front of complete strangers and I was so emotional that I cried so much more than I had ever cried before. Christian always gave me a good talking to. According to his perception and experience, a lot of things dissolved in me. At the same time, I was able to laugh again – total emotional chaos. I also felt that a lot of suppressed emotions had been flushed to the surface, which now wanted to be resolved. Today I am very happy and grateful for this experience. It was long overdue. Not even the best psychologist in the world could have resolved everything I was carrying around with me. Ayahuasca did it!!! Thank you for that!!!

Now let’s move on to the second session. This was just about surrender, as the first session had already broken open and dissolved a lot of the healing I had been striving for. This time the effect was less strong and I could have easily drunk a second glass. However, I honestly didn’t dare when Christian asked for the second glass. I still had to vomit, but I didn’t find any ethereal images in the bucket and didn’t see any flashes of light flitting around the room, just an intensified crackling in my mind’s eye and of course the typical detox symptoms (the trembling). But then I did see some images and visions in my mind’s eye. Among other things, I saw an Indian tribe with a chief and tipis and I saw myself celebrating the birthday of my one-year-old child with my (probably) future girlfriend. At least that’s how I perceived it as a vision of the future. Precisely because the whole retreat for me revolved around the topic of relationships with women, I think that ayahuasca wanted to show me what will be possible when I have fully processed all the things that will change for me in my life if I continue to work on myself. I could also still feel that “an invisible being” was operating on my heart (heart chakra). So the work continued in my mind, on and with me, despite the fact that the effect was not as strong as during the first session.

The subsequent sharing was less emotional for me, but still interesting for me and I enjoyed listening to the others reverently and attentively. As always, it was very exciting with each and every one of them. I felt every word again.
Well, the departure was very emotional. We cried, hugged each other, complimented each other again. It was simply sad and beautiful at the same time. I still have such fond memories of one or two of them. Incidentally, I flew to Turkey for a fortnight straight afterwards because the website said that you shouldn’t necessarily go to work straight after the retreat. I somehow took that very seriously and immediately thought about combining it with a subsequent club holiday. I then simply booked it three days after registering for the retreat.

I was also tired of consuming media, had no desire for social media and wanted to throw my mobile phone into nirvana (good thing I didn’t do that). I just wanted to be more present with myself, meditate and simply relax. I also noticed that despite all the hustle and bustle of the holiday resort around me, I was completely relaxed. I was always totally in the moment, just as I still am today. At the same time, I felt totally liberated inside. Since then, I have felt a completely new attitude towards life. I was able to meet some people on holiday who were very interesting for me. I met people there who listened to me, took me and my experience seriously, to whom I was able to open up and who also told me their profound stories, despite the fact that I had only just got to know them. I don’t know that from my friends, for example. They tend to be more superficial, don’t always listen properly and their thoughts are always elsewhere when I’m talking to them. I have drawn my own conclusions from this and will reconsider some of my friendships. Christian also said that as soon as things have been resolved or processed within you, you will attract completely different people back into your life who resonate more with you. I definitely had my first successes with this on holiday.

I’ve noticed on vacation that I have a completely different approach to women recently. I’m much more relaxed than before, I can interact with them at eye level and somehow it always feels really cool to look women in the eye when I’m talking. I always found that a bit difficult before, and apparently the women also felt much more comfortable interacting with me, even if I didn’t necessarily hit it off with every lady.
Now that I’m back home and back to my everyday life, I can still feel a strong inner relaxed attitude within me. Among other things, I feel more self-confident, more articulate and no longer afraid to speak my mind. I also feel that I don’t care about not being liked by everyone. Before, I always wanted to try to please everyone, or rather I didn’t want to dock too much in order to avoid conflict. This has now changed by 180 degrees. I now also take a stand and say no when something doesn’t suit me or I feel unfairly treated, and I’m much braver when it comes to standing up to people.
I’m much more relaxed at work and also when I’m driving, I’ve recently become much more relaxed and stay more focused, even when a speeding driver passes me at what feels like 80 km/h in a 50 km/h zone. I have the feeling that I no longer have to judge everything. This also applies to many other things in everyday life. I can’t change or undo anything anyway. It is the way it is – and that’s fine.
All in all, the whole thing was a deep and healing experience for me. I am very grateful to have taken all this upon myself through a spontaneous flash of inspiration while reading, and I will very probably do it again. I hope that my long report reaches one or two others and encourages them to go through this experience too. The fact that you have already made it onto this page shows that you are already very close to experiencing your own inner transformation. I wish you every success and a “good journey”!!!

Review (September 2023, Shirley): “The holy plant mother keeps me safe in her leaves full of love”

Dear Christian, dear Anna and dear Annika,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your loving company, I felt very comfortable and safe from the first moment. It was a great atmosphere, very quiet, beautifully designed rooms with garden and forest nearby, I could sleep very well and was thrilled by the great vegan food, especially the soup.

On the first evening, after a mediation and introduction round, there was a cocoa ceremony, which I really enjoyed, we danced together to the wonderful music and also did holotropic breathing. The next day there was a Rapé ceremony, which unfortunately gave me a headache, but I always find it interesting to try something new, even if it’s not the right thing for me, and it did a lot of our great group a lot of good. In the free time I went for a walk in the forest with my girlfriend and went river swimming, which was really nice and invigorating.

In the afternoon we gathered in the garden, we stood in a circle and held hands to a dreamlike music, it was very connecting. Afterwards came the eye-to-eye exercise, this challenged my social phobia a lot, it was a good exercise to reduce my fears and connected me with the other participants.

Now about my ayahuasca experience: I overcame my initial doubts and got involved with the Syrian steppe rue. To explain: my dream has been to travel to South America for years and participate in an ayahuasca ceremony in an indigenous tribe with the sacred liana, but unfortunately my life has not yet allowed this. So I was a bit sceptical whether it would be at all comparable with another plant. What helped me most, however, were Christian’s stories before the ceremony about the Syrian steppe rue and the actually much older Ayahuasca of the North, which also reminded me of my North African roots, so that in the end I was able to fully engage with it and quickly realised that it was exactly the right thing to do.

I had an absolutely magical experience, accompanied by strong visions. I communicated with the holy plant mother through my thoughts. When I opened my eyes, I saw blue lights. Once I threw up a lot, which was very liberating. The beautiful music accompanied me and the lovely Ayahuasca team gave me a feeling of security. A little insight into my experience: I saw myself as a baby in the hospital alone in the infant ward. Last year, in a shamanic treatment, I put up my inner emptiness, my soul pain and let it speak through me, where the same thing would be found. However, the realisation did not lead to any improvement of this condition, not even the root exercises and meditations. But the holy plant mother has given me exactly this feeling, which I needed when I came into the world and during my childhood to develop into a healthy adult human being. She held me, secure with her sacred leaves, I was flooded with love and warmth, my whole body was tingling. I think I felt myself for the first time. It was incredible to feel for the first time that there is someone who holds me, who is there for me, I could hardly believe it, it was so beautiful. The holy plant mother has lovingly accompanied me with this feeling and shown me in a gentle motherly caring way the themes that are important for me at the moment. First, the staircase I am running up, where the faster I go, the darker everything gets around me and I fade more and more – the deceleration. Interestingly, this is exactly what a healer told me years ago, that I would like to be at the top already, but have to accept where I am right now.

It was also about letting go of my family, which was also the result of my shamanic constellation last year. However, I was only able to fully understand this through the ayahuasca ceremony. My anxiety disorder was also deepened, or its cause, that my family, when I was not adapted enough as a child, quickly became very aggressive and violent. However, only short images were shown, I did not have to relive the traumatic experiences. The same with the traumatic experiences in my later life, the holy plant mother only wanted to show and tell me what I had already managed to do and leave behind.

After these important things were cleared up, the clear message was that I should now let go of my thoughts and give myself fully. I did that and never felt so free. It was as if I was flying through the colourful pictures and patterns, completely relaxed and empty of thoughts. I saw my body from above, it was full of blue geometric patterns that came out of it and connected into a larger pattern of infinity. This happened during a special music, my whole body vibrated during it, after that my I was no longer there, it was a beautiful dream state that eventually turned into sleep.

The next day we shared our experiences and enjoyed the last day together, I felt strongly connected to the wonderful people of my Ayahuasca group. Meanwhile a week has passed since the Ayahuasca ceremony, the stress of everyday life has caught up with me again, but even though I am often struggling, sinking into my negative spiral, I keep reminding myself that my process takes time and that I can trust the universe and that little by little everything will be solved and straightened out. When I close my eyes I can still feel the sacred plant mother holding me, it’s indescribable. For the first time after years of root mediation practice, I feel tender roots growing from my feet, a little more every day.

Moreover, on the first day at home, the message also came: Now it’s your turn, and I knew what to do, the sacred plant mother showed me everything. Finally, I can say that I can and have already recommended this Ayahuasca ceremony with the Syrian steppe rue by Christian and the wonderful Ayahuasca in Germany team to everyone. I would like to repeat this sacred ceremony, but only after some time, as I would then like to show the sacred plant mother what I have achieved in order to learn from her what is necessary for my development.

Until then I will be nourished by her love and I will be happy for all those who also have the great luck to experience a ceremony with Christian. With deepest thanks – Shirley

Review (September 2023, Verena): “The intelligence of the plant spirit”

The cocoa ceremony:
opened my heart.

The Rapé Ceremony:
let me enjoy the beauty and liveliness of the forest fully concentrated with a silent mind.
I saw in my mind’s eye a human foetus lying in fertile mother earth, connected to the earth by the umbilical cord, cared for all around.
Then I saw myself in that moment, felt myself up to my navel in the earth and my head blossoming. I was a human flower.
My deceased mother knelt before me as an angel of light. Her hand on my heart, she let love flow into it.
I let myself be nourished.
Then she put her other hand on my brother’s heart and loved him too.

The Ayahuasca Ceremony:
The rite is so strong! So ancient! Being smoked off, communicating my intention, accepting the potion with gratitude and drinking it.
Then I felt a loving and powerful energy slowly permeating me.
I flew through a long black tunnel. So fast that my eyelids trembled. Then poof… I was in a space of silence.
My energy body was cleansed from the bottom up. Energy flowed from the soles of my feet like fire deep into the earth.
My realisation: I do have deep roots, contrary to my conviction.
Slowly and systematically, the venerable medicine worked its way up my spine. I felt chakras being activated on my back.

From my head the energy then flowed powerfully into the universe.
My heart felt with all of this.

I received the phrase, “My root is the culture of meditation!” And I saw images of ancient cultures that were aware of their connection to the greater whole and nurtured nature.

My mother appeared and asked me to forgive her for committing suicide. She said she had suffered enough because of it.
I saw my father and the love in his eyes. I realised how much I loved him. I saw people from my environment and what I would like to say to them to clear up or strengthen the relationships.

I looked at the issue of my fear, insecurity and chronic tension. I saw that very many thoughts included, “… you mustn’t because it might make other people feel uncomfortable!”
“… you mustn’t because other people might see your fear or insecurity!”
I have deeply realised that it is myself who creates this prison.
I have the desire to be completely myself. “I want to be me!” And that the above beliefs are not true because they keep me from being free/being me/being real.
To be free I have to let go of my myriad rules that I have taken on and/or imposed on myself.

I have seen that a move to a flat in the countryside is necessary for me!

I have seen that I do not want to give up the relationship with the father of our children.
with the father of our children after all. The sentence came to me: “Stay with it!”

I am amazed at how precisely the plant medicine works; and I am especially impressed by the intelligence of the plant spirit. I was shown what I needed to see. If I didn’t understand, I asked and got an answer.

I surrendered to Mother Ayahuasca from the beginning. I let go of everything. As soon as I felt the slightest inner resistance, I said to myself, “You decide, I let happen. It is my honour to let you work through me.” Each time I surrendered again, the plant was able to continue working. Once it even thanked me for it. Wow.

Now, a few days after the ceremony, I feel a deep, continuous inner peace. A being carried in silent joy. My heart feels love and pain more intensely again. It feels infinitely good and is the only thing I really need:
my inner peace.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Review (September, 2023, Ines): “Back to me”

From the first to the last minute I felt at ease, in a foreign environment with complete strangers.❤️ Thank you Christian, Anna and Anika: you are wonderful ❤️

I don’t know when was the last time I got so much love and understanding for me.

My intention to “get back to myself” came to me spontaneously on the train ride to the retreat. For years I have had the feeling of having lost myself in the stress of everyday life. I no longer knew who I really was.
Through Aya I became aware that I am too much on the outside and should rather focus on myself instead.
I have far too little self-love.
I have noticed that due to all the disappointments in the last few years, I don’t allow any love to come into my life.
I always function for everyone and I am left out.
Thanks to Aya, I have freed myself from my strings and I am no longer a puppet!!!

I am glad to have had this positive experience in my life!

Review (September 2023): “The best decision of my life”

I would like to share with you my experience of the Ayahuasca Retreat in September 2023.
I must confess that I arrived at the retreat with really severe physical aches and pains (back, head and gastrointestinal). However, I believe that these pains were so intensified because my mind was in a kind of resistance and somehow resisted what was coming. Well – when I arrived I met the great team (Christian, Anna and Anika) as well as the other group members who were taking part in the retreat that weekend and was really warmly welcomed and received by everyone.

The first thing that took place was the cocoa ceremony together with holotropic breathing. I didn’t go in with any great expectations, especially as I also had a severe headache. After the first sips of cocoa I thought, “this tastes disgusting”, but the result was a real surprise. After I stood up after breathing and moved to the great music, I felt lighter and more liberated than I had for ages on my own. It was worth it just to have made this journey. Falling asleep was a bit difficult, but once I did, I was able to sleep well without feeling any pain.

The next morning we continued with the Rapé ceremony. Anna lovingly took care to make this ceremony an event that I would not have thought possible. Again I was overwhelmed by an inner peace, balance and bliss. After this ceremony we had some time to ourselves and used it to go for a walk in the forest.

After lunch, the last meal before the ayahuasca ceremony, we had the eye-to-eye challenge in the garden, where each group and team member looked into each other’s eyes for one and a half minutes. For me, this was actually the highlight of the weekend, because I would never have thought that you can read so much in a person’s eyes, it continues to fascinate me day after day.

Last but not least, we now come to the Ayahuasca ceremony. After everyone had changed into slightly lighter clothes, we went into the ceremony room and waited for our turn to receive our Ayahuasca glass and then drink it. I was second in line and I took it with joy, but also with a fair amount of respect. It didn’t take 5 minutes before I felt like I had to go to the toilet. First my bowels started working like crazy, and then the nausea kicked in. To top it all off, I also felt my physical problems like headaches and nausea.

However, I did not want to “give up” too soon and get rid of the good medicine again, but I waited. I don’t know how much time passed, but suddenly I had visions. I don’t want to go into too much detail now, but at first I was a bit disappointed about the visions that were shown to me, because they were not the questions I would have liked to have answered. The rest of the time when there were no visions, I was actually struggling with my body and my ailments. Of course I threw up too, but in the end it was all worth it.

Even though I really suffered, I can say for myself that it was the best experience and decision of my life to participate in this retreat. Since then I have an absolute calmness and balance in me that I don’t know from myself at all. I don’t get angry about other things so quickly anymore and I don’t blow up as quickly as I used to. I also notice that the plant is still working and that I have not yet reached the end of my journey. I also know that it won’t be the last time I went to see Mama Aya, because I think all the questions I asked her that weren’t answered were not answered for me for a good reason. I just wasn’t ready for it.

So anyone who feels called by ayahuasca, I can only urge you to follow this call and embark on the journey.

With love and deepest gratitude to the great team and of course to Mama Aya! ❤️

Review (June 2023, Romy): “Beautiful experience”

The 3-day retreat did something very powerful in me. Since then I have been much more understanding and loving towards myself and my fellow human beings. Basically I have the feeling that I am closer to my inner self and have gained a better access to my feelings. I am very grateful for this experience.
The whole team of Ayahuasca in Germany is really wonderful! I could not have put myself in better hands. I felt super taken care of from beginning to end and all three were very attentive and always had an eye for your well-being.
I can recommend this experience with a clear conscience to anyone who is still considering. It is a unique experience that can make a huge difference. And who knows, maybe it was not the last time for me 🙂

Thank you Christian, Anika and Anna – you are wonderful!

Review (June 2023, Sybille): “Deep gratitude”

What I felt this entire weekend was love and gratitude and even now this time continues to affect me. ❤️
We were all warmly welcomed, no we were not somewhere foreign, it was like coming home. This feeling continued throughout the weekend, both with our wonderful facilitators and with the entire group.

All the plant ceremonies were done with deep respect and dignity for the energies and essence of the plants and our Mother Earth. We were gently, understandingly and with the highest level of competence guided through the interactions with the plant energies.

We were given enough time to rest, to go within ourselves, to consider our intentions.

Although Madre Aya showed me some beautiful images, I did not have the strongly illustrated visions I had hoped for. But as Christian said to us with a smile “Ayahuasca starts for you from tomorrow”. What can I say, he was right! Already on the way home I felt a great inner peace, no thoughts circling in my head, an inner contentment, an inner smile. I had asked Aya about my path and instead of showing it to me in visions, she began to pave this path right under my feet. And this is still happening today and I feel that the plant energy is still in me, gently guiding me. I don’t know where this path will lead me, but I know it will lead me to happiness and love.

I will come again, one day, if I may … and when grandmother Aya calls me to her again.

My heartfelt gratitude to everyone involved and all the big and small things the team has done for us. ❤️

Review (April 2023, Michaela): “Mother Aya has opened more gates to myself!!!”

Mother Aya has taken me deeper into my process and opened more doors to myself. Have faith Mother Aya gives you what you need for your life path!

Meanwhile some weeks have passed and yet I still want to tell about my very profound and very intense experience over Easter 2023 with Mother Aya. To encourage others to embark on the journey of their lives!

Even though I found the group size of 24 people very large at the beginning, such a wonderful group spirit developed during this weekend. Every encounter, every exchange was an absolute enrichment. Some of these great people are still with me today.

Christian, Anna and Erhan gave us a very warm welcome right at the beginning and created a space of security and trust. The arrival, getting to know each other, the cocoa ceremony, the Rapé ceremony that followed the next day, the eye exercise, the meeting with Mother Aya, the accompaniment during this and the sharing the following day, together with the wonderful music, everything was very coherent and harmoniously coordinated with each other! It opened the space for this unique experience!

My intention was to find out more about my karmic connections, as I have the feeling that there are energies in me that prevent me from coming into my true power. What I experienced was very intense, both mentally and physically! Not in the form of vomiting or diarrhoea, no, I shivered strongly again and again, icy coldness alternated with the feeling of warmth and realisation. I met my wounded inner child, saw scenes that were not from this life, images that shocked me very much, images that reworked for days and weeks, until now…I could better understand through these images, some of my feelings in the NOW, understand why some things happen in the here and now.

Mother Aya has made me much more sensitive physically. For many years I was constantly going beyond my limits. Mother Aya has brought me to my knees and put me in my place. I now have no choice but to turn back on the path that is not good for me, as it immediately shows itself to me on a physical level. The next step is to dissolve the structures that have caused me to permanently go beyond my limits. But it is a huge step in the right direction!

Again and again, sometimes small and subtle things happen, there are impulses that show me ways and possibilities that take me further on my journey through life. A lecture on You Tube, a statement by a person, a scene in a film, the lyrics of a song, dreams that are now occurring more frequently.

For me, the statement of a therapist a few days ago was the key to being able to integrate the images from my experience with Aya. Sometimes the shadow sides just have to be accepted in order to make peace.

Since then, I have met more and more people who inspire me with their actions and works, who accompany me even when it is not so easy. People who take me further on the journey to myself. This is really a wonderful experience!

I THANK Mother Aya for this and all the people who have met me on this journey and will meet me in the future!

Review (April 2023, Johanna): “My courage to say NO and my new inner strength”

I am Johanna, 27 years old and decided to have my first ayahuasca experience in Germany (October 2022 that was). From the first contact I felt wonderfully taken care of.
For me it was especially crucial and beautiful that everything was prepared with so much effort and love. Not everyone has the opportunity to prepare “perfectly” for the ceremony in everyday life; and the process was designed precisely for this. Getting to know each other, so that everyone felt safe and at ease in the group, and the cocoa ceremony. This went much deeper than I thought and brought out many things. At the end, I danced around the room crying, almost silently, and was grateful to be able to be myself. The following day was filled with wonderful experiences and preparation for the upcoming ceremony.
I want to focus directly on the essentials in my experience report, otherwise it will be too long. I would also like to point out that it might be difficult to read for some people. The main theme of my ayahuasca experience was the confrontation with my sexual abuse experience as a 12-year-old girl.
For me the whole ceremony was a gigantic letting go and surrender. I repeated several times, “I am ready to see what I am meant to see.” This mantra helped me through the night. I was able to keep the nausea at bay during the first glass, but it gripped me during the second. The routine for me was that whenever I “chewed through” a subject with the sacred plant and she considered it finished, I would finish by throwing up. A direct cleansing of the energy.
This is how I ended up with my abuse memory. I was standing in a red room filled with books on every wall. The abuser was facing me and said he knew what he had done to me. I then asked what exactly. “I abused you.” For me, this statement was a very poor summary of the situation and did not even begin to include what this experience had done to my life. So I gathered all my strength and spoke, “You not only took away my innocence, you took away my joy of life, my childhood, my lust and most of all my boundaries. Most of all, my limits.” I was proud of myself for being able to say this to his face.
He came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. A colossal outburst of anger took place inside me. An explosion of strength and the biggest boundary I could ever draw. This was too far. I would not let him do this to me and he never had the right to do this. He never has and never will. It was the biggest NO I ever said.
The picture changed and he was away from me again. Came towards me and with the concentrated strength I now had inside me, thanks to the NO, I took a step towards him. It was determined, confidently placed and a clear sign as well as a declaration of war. I am no longer the weak young girl who could not defend herself. I won’t let you abuse me any more and you don’t have any power over me. He stood still. Baffled and a little intimidated. I vaguely remember a “sorry” but I was already on my way back to my spit bucket. The plant had decided again, we are through with the subject. My rational brain wanted to question and analyse many things further, but Mother Ayahuasca gave me everything I needed. The decision for myself, the reclaiming of my power and my autonomy. Even though I thought the apology was important to me, I realised I didn’t care. I stood up for myself and that trumped everything.
The morning after, when everyone was reporting, I told 26 strangers about my abuse experience for the first time. Thanks to Christian who encouraged me that this very space was protected for me. I have never been so wonderfully caught up in my life as by all the course participants. To this day I am immensely grateful for his words of encouragement.
I recount this memory so accurately because it was a truly profound event for me. Never before have I had the strength to say NO. Never before have I known how strong I am. I was also deeply saddened because I felt how much I was still hurt by this memory.
I spent a lot of the months afterwards working through the trauma. Ayahuasca continued to be in my life. They say it starts working and sorting out before and after. It did that with me too. Within six months (three months before and three months after), my whole life changed. I let go of everything that didn’t fit.
Even though the changes weren’t always easy, I wouldn’t turn back time. I am immensely grateful for the help and support it taught me.
It was a wonderful experience and I am grateful to have had it with such an experienced and attuned team. I heartily recommend it. Everyone hears the call of the plant and when it is there, gladly follow it. I can speak from experience that it is hard, but absolutely possible and very rewarding.
Thank you Mother-Aya. Thank you dear team.
See you soon.
Johanna

Review (April 2023, Jivane): “Deep willingness to heal”

Somehow, that’s what it’s all about for me: my innermost permission to finally be allowed to heal.

I still feel this deep gratitude that brings tears to my eyes every time.

This weekend was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had.

I have received widespread shouts or rather nudges from Mama Aya several times over the last few years.
The hint that I could experience ayahuasca in Germany was then the immediate decision to do so.
That’s how I came to Christian, Erhan, Anna and Claudia.
When I arrived, it was like coming “home”.
We were lovingly welcomed and accepted with all our fears and caution.

Our group was terrific! Unbelievable HOW quickly our group spirit was created.
We have this wonderful team to thank for that.

The first evening with the cocoa ceremony was very heart opening!
It was very beautiful and easy to become/be connected with the people and the music.

The Rapé ceremony gave me a feeling of pure clarity in my mind – an incredible presence.

And in the evening we went to the Ayahuasca ceremony.
I felt a gratitude and solemnity within me that I was worthy of being allowed to take in this special plant.

However, Aya then “hit” pretty well. I had something like a “complete cleansing” with all the trimmings.

But I never had the feeling that I should have left it alone.
On the contrary, for me the cleansing was very profound!
Aya completely took away and dissolved my feelings of fear that were sitting in my stomach area/solar plexus.

And now I have to sing a huge hymn of praise to this great team (Christian, Erhan, Anna and Claudia) for once!!!!
At any time, at any moment, there was always someone ready to be by my side and help me!
And believe me, I needed a lot of help, just to get around somehow.

Now a little over a week into the Aya retreat, I am very aware, very at peace within myself, my fears, (which keep trying to dock) are gone.

So I say a huge THANK YOU to this top class team!!!!
A huge thank you to our wonderful group!!!
It was just a very special gift for me to be a part of it.

Yes, and in October I will be a “repeat offender”. I will be there again for the 5-day retreat!

Review (April 2023, Anika): “Ayahuasca – my journey to myself”

First of all, I would like to thank Christian, Erhan, Anna and Claudia again for their unbelievably great guidance and support!
I was able to experience the Ayahuasca Retreat from 7-9.4.23 – and it was perfectly organised, structured throughout, and I was completely in confidence the whole weekend. The team made sure from the very beginning that there was a group spirit, a unity, which in my opinion was completely successful.
Our group was just unbelievably great, super harmonious and everyone could be who they are without anyone being judged for it. I was able to get to know such wonderful people that I became even more aware that we are far too quick to prejudge people on the basis of brief moments, without knowing the story behind them or ever having walked in their shoes!
The individual ceremonies, whether the cacao ceremony, the rapé ceremony or the ayahuasca ceremony itself: all were perfectly coordinated and I still felt very grounded. The ayahuasca ceremony has been resonating since I left, which I am very aware of and feel super good about. A deep gratitude pervades me since then and I have never been shown so much love as I was this weekend!
Right on the Monday after, I continued my own little ceremony in the form of meditation and rapé at home and already had a great experience with myself. I was able to look at myself in the mirror for 5 mins and tell myself that I loved myself. Tears of joy came immediately and a voice asked me: Where have you been for so long? Since then I feel that I have found my connection to myself again! I have also noticed since then that I have no desire at all for processed foods at the moment. I do things more consciously and I have such a pleasant calmness inside me that I don’t let anything stress me out. I also find that when I philosophise with myself or in situations that arise, I get new insights, recognise old patterns, can break through them and, above all, can stand by myself and remain true to myself, instead of trying to please everyone else as I did before and thus betraying and hurting myself, as I have done over and over again. Now I recognise the pattern behind it, perceive my intuition much more consciously and can – and this is the most important thing – put it into practice!
I almost can’t put it all into words what the plant does to me, but one thing I can say for sure: It was the best decision of my life to go my way in the right direction! I feel very good, cleansed, grounded, connected, confident, centred, incredibly calm and just full of love.
Ayahuasca has called me and I am infinitely grateful for it!

Review (April 2023, I.S.): “I feel my emotions much stronger and I have the sceptre in my hand in my life!”

I attended the retreat 6 weeks ago.
Before that I had been going through a severe depressive episode and, contrary to my strong self-regenerative will until then, had not managed to bring myself out of it. I denied myself and all that makes me spiritually for several years and the spiral of excessive demands, dissatisfaction and self-sacrifice kept turning. Outwardly, I was still strong and self-confident, inside everything was empty and lifeless. I resigned myself until my body gave me such clear signs that I could no longer ignore them.
By chance I saw a film about the use of psychedelics in trauma therapy. Intuitively, I felt it could be something for me. I did some research and quickly found out that it was not easy to get hold of them legally in Germany. At the same time I realised that, despite my professional bias, I should go and see a therapist. What else could go wrong?
From then on, one thing led to another, everything fell into place like a jigsaw puzzle. I found an open-minded therapist who didn’t just pat me on the head, but also gave me a piece of his mind and made clear statements. And above all, he teased out of me all the things I thought I had long since successfully repressed and forgotten. However, according to his own research, he couldn’t help me with the other thing either, because I simply wasn’t “sick” enough for scientific studies in this country. But he told me about his own earlier experiences with Aya and so we came up with the idea that it could be something for me too. Through research, I came across Christian’s page on Ayahuasca in Germany and had that good feeling again. I spontaneously asked about taking part in the retreat in March and knew that it would work out despite the place on the waiting list. What can I say: that was spot on!
As Christian had announced, the Aya began to work beforehand, discreetly but noticeably. Suddenly, the previous withdrawal wasn’t too difficult and actually seemed to make sense. I was warmly welcomed and met so many great people. It felt a bit like coming home. The conversations and exchanges among like-minded people felt my tanks up again. I felt very comfortable and in good hands. And that despite simple accommodation on a thin mattress in the ceremony room (where I am usually a princess on a pea as far as my sleeping quarters are concerned;-)

Christian and his team looked after us well and were always there for us. The whole organisation was well structured, took away any worries and the process makes a lot of sense in retrospect as a gentle preparatory introduction. Even the first attempts with cocoa and rapé made it clear to me that I should continue to listen to my gut feeling about everything. And so I took Syrian tumbleweed pure, unaccompanied by Rapé, twice with plenty of time in between. No colourful pictures came, but everything that happened made sense (though the realisation comes later, little by little).
The ceremony didn’t shake me as much as some others in the group and even the breaking felt like a liberating necessity. I certainly also had the advantage of having dealt with my abysses in therapy before, so the aya worked differently in me. I also felt that it was not yet the end and that the effect would continue to unfold. What can I say?! The Christian said goodbye to me with the sentence “you are the fire” and yes, there he is again. Everyone around me notices my change, I see how good it does my family that mum can “pull out trees” again. It’s as if the energy and the Aya magic is spilling over and rubbing off on the people around me. My job, which I hated until then, suddenly feels completely different. And the secret is the change of perspective.

Suddenly I don’t see the limits, but the possibilities. Just as I do in my private life, I also feel like the main actor in my professional life again and have the sceptre in my hands. I see clearly what I can move and no longer get overly annoyed with those who don’t want to be moved. I realise that it is their decision and if they are not ready, there is no point at all.
There are other moments of course that I am sad, done and sometimes angry but it’s ok. It’s part of it and it’s nice to be able to feel these emotions “properly” again too. I am fine!

Review (March 2023, Katja): “The search for my true power”

“The search for my true power” – With this intention I arrived at the beginning of March
full of anticipation. The 2 weeks before, I had already felt that the
the spirit of the plant had docked into my system and
supported me in my fasting. – Sugar addiction- In retrospect I was aware that
I should have paid more attention to fasting to get an even more intense connection to my
connection to my BEING).

I was very warmly welcomed by Anna and Christian
and immediately felt very comfortable.

To put into words what happened to me during and basically only after the
ceremony is still difficult for me 4 weeks after the retreat.

Friday: Starting with the Cacao Ceremony was super easy for me.
I have known Mama Cacao with her loving, heart-warming energy for 1.5 years, I love raw cocoa.

On Saturday, I felt something bubbling up inside me,
I had respect, fear, I don’t know any more, the plant had called me to it,
just like the cocoa, so I wanted to go through it.

Aya immediately showed herself to me with her, I’ll call it, merciless toughness.
I was the first in the group to struggle with nausea. Fear, even
a little panic rose in me when I felt the spirit of the plant
was showing itself to me as a snake: big, threatening, unfriendly.
I had the feeling that it was angry with me for being a victim. But
I wanted to find my power.
It was sitting in the middle of my heart chakra…..
I was struggling so much with my nausea that I ignored her for the time being.

I didn’t notice the Sunday sharing clearly because I was too much in my process.
I continued to struggle with nausea and dizziness for 1 week. In
In retrospect I was also aware of why. I didn’t pay any attention to Aya
I still felt this pressure in my heart chakra, I still perceived her as
as unfriendly.
She was really waiting for me to let go of my issues and get her to help, which she did.
She was waiting for me to let go of my issues and get her help, which she did on the equinox.

Christian was a great support to me during the whole time after the retreat.
He helped me a lot with his advice and open ear.

So far there is not a day when I don’t think of Aya……it is a process that takes time.
I feel that I have arrived, that I am grounded, that I have been blessed
through Aya, who continues to live in my heart chakra (friendly :-))).

For me personally, it was the best decision I could have made.
I wouldn’t have said this on the Sunday of the retreat ….but with a few weeks’ distance
I would even say that I will drink Ayahuasca again.

I have come into a power that I did not expect at all, and which is
which grows daily.

I can only recommend to everyone: Be courageous and walk this path, listen to your inner voice
listen to your inner voice, keep the fast well and give Aya time.
You are in wonderful hands with Christian Kelly and his team.
Aho Katja

Review (March 2023, Alex): “The ceremony changed something in my life”

The ceremony changed something in my life. I had come with the
intuition of finding security.

Already through the preparations and the fasting I have gained a different perception
for my environment. Nutrition has a very big influence on
on our entire life. This was the first realisation.

The whole weekend was very warmly organised. From the welcome to the
I felt very well taken care of. Besides the
Besides the main ceremony, I especially liked the cocoa ceremony. It was my first experience with real (!) = pure, raw
cacao and have now made it a permanent part of my life.
in my life. The weekend was worth it for this experience alone.

As for the second day, I made intensive use of the time for myself and
I went into myself in nature. During the ceremony I did not understand
understood everything I saw and felt.

However, I was able to take away two more insights for myself: On the
Firstly, our own perception decides everything that happens to us in life.
happens to us. Thus, everything depends on how I evaluate my situation and what
I make of it.

The final realisation was that I already have all the certainty
to go my own way. With this realisation I left the
I left the ritual room and have been implementing this teaching ever since.

In the meantime I have quit my job as a production manager and am starting
my self-employment, which I have been putting off for 3 years.

I am hardly afraid of the future any more and I feel
carried.

In conclusion, I can say that this experience has brought me great
added value for me. Now I am curious where the journey will take me in the
journey will take me in the next few years.

Once again, thank you for your support and your very loving
care.

There will probably be a sequel to this.

Review (January 2023, Cathrin): “My awakening and self-responsibility!”

It is not at all easy for me to put my experience into words. This warm, heartfelt feeling still resonates within me a few weeks after the retreat. During the ceremony I only saw stars and was overcome by a feeling of nausea. I was almost disappointed not to have received an answer to the questions I had asked before. But already on the Monday after the weekend I felt a sense of self-responsibility and abandoned victimhood. I suddenly found it easy to perform actions that I could not manage before. On Monday evening I encountered the statement of Christian Kelly, the leader of Ayahuasca in Germany: “Ayahuasca does not tolerate a victim attitude, but promotes in you a consistent attitude of self-responsibility and your own creativity”. Zack! EXACTLY! Since then I feel like I am in a protected space that I have created for myself. Suddenly things have come into my life that make everything flow easily. Not only the sap is rising in the plants at the moment, but also more and more self-knowledge in me. I would like to thank everyone involved for their loving guidance and respectful interaction. It will not have been my last ceremony.

Review (January 2023, Natalja): “On the way to myself!”

Everyday life. What does it actually mean? As we have come to believe, it is a mixture of obligations, decisions, expectations, disappointments, fears and also joy. But what actually happens in the background, how do we actually feel about it? It often remains hidden from us, unnoticeable.

Chained to everyday life, I frequently had to adapt. But was the particular role in life really appropriate for me? Was it really what I wanted? Parents, school, circle of friends, career, everything often drives us to where we don’t really feel fulfilled and happy. That’s how it was for me. Hence often bad mood, nervousness, lack of energy and finally burnout. A dead end. Everything stopped and I didn’t know what to do. Affirmations, anti-depressants etc. had no lasting effect on me.

Fortunately I came to Ayahuasca, which brought me back to life, which led me to ME. Many things have become obvious and I am enjoying my life again. And if you feel the same way as I did back then, I recommend you get to know Ayahuasca. I had tried the classical Ayahuasca first, until I took the Syrian Steppe Rue at Christian’s, which improved my condition enormously. At his retreat I was very well looked after by Christian and his team, they really took care of every participant. Everything was perfectly organized, the atmosphere made me relax deeply and took me into an inner space of serenity. Even after the retreat, when some questions or doubts arose, the team gave the possibility to contact them for a consultation.

I am infinitely grateful to the medicine, also to Christian as well as Erhan and Claudia for your contribution on my way to MYSELF!

Review (January 2023, Christina): “The best start to the new year”

With a warm welcome and a small tour of the house, we were received by Christian. The energy in the premises was very pleasant, so I could immediately feel at ease.

The first ceremony was the cocoa ceremony. It supports the opening of the heart, which i find to be a perfect start to begin this special journey.
The next day was the Rapé ceremony. It was a very intense physical experience and at the same time I also felt extremely liberated, as if I could breathe through my whole body. Through Erhan’s sensitive way I was well guided through this process. While some of the other participants threw up a lot, I still felt very good and thought, this is how it can go on, but Madre Aya does not give you what you want, but what you need. And so it happened that I also threw up for a very long time after taking the bitter medicine. The nausea was getting to me, yet, or perhaps because of it, I continued to try to remain in deep gratitude. I had many visual experiences, movies that ran in my head. Yes, I can say that Madre Aya recognized my fears and worries to the depths and I had to go through this process, because healing happens when you face your shadow. I also kept seeing the head of a tiger. I found him very supportive, perhaps as my personal power animal, which prompts me to go through life more courageously.

Definitely this weekend was an enrichment in my life. I would like to express a big compliment to Christian and the whole team. They always met us openly, lovingly and empathically. If I decide to do a “second round”, I would like to do it again at Ayahuasca in Germany.

Review (November 2022, Manuel): “I can feel love again!”

The weekend was a magical experience from beginning to end, I was very impatient the weeks before the retreat, I could hardly wait until it was finally so far, because for me there was only one goal, namely to finally get in touch with Mother Aya.

Then it was finally time, the weekend started with the cocoa ceremony, the purpose is to open the heart, which was a very good introduction for the upcoming ritual. Already during the ceremony some barriers opened in me and one felt more connected, it was a great warmth and I could let myself go noticeably.

On the 2nd day we meditated with the group and did some exercises together for the group spirit, including looking each of the participants in the eye for 1.5 minutes.

At first, when I heard this, I thought ohoo … this might be uncomfortable. I am not someone who has problems looking people in the eye, but to look into the eyes of complete strangers for this time was just a strange feeling for me.

I must say that it then came quite differently: When I looked the 1st person in the eyes, I could feel a connection to this person – and from then on it was no longer negative, but a warm comfortable feeling, so I could get to know the whole group in a non-verbal way.

I liked it very much and from then on we were a collective, the group spirit was fully felt. Some started crying and were able to open up, because this also requires a fair amount of intimacy. You give yourself completely to the other and you let the person look deep into you.

On the same day a bit later the Rapé ritual was initiated, at first I was a bit inhibited…. I’m not a fan of pulling things through my nose…. I already have my problems with snuff… the feeling when I tried it once was just disgusting

But then I decided to do the Rapé ritual and I was surprised, it wasn’t as bad as I expected in the beginning, on the contrary it was a super pleasant feeling digging through my head from nose to neck.

I could feel my brain, it all tingled so much and in a subtle pleasant feel-good way. As the initial effect of Rapé wore off, a blissful feeling flooded through me and my head felt a bit heavy and I was a bit dizzy, as I said all very subtle and pleasant.

Anna was the ritual master (Rapé) and did a great job.

Then was shortly before 15:00 and it went on the target just we took a last small meal (vegetable soup) and I smoked my last cigarette, at that point it was then 6 hours until the Ayahuasca ritual, in the time we could move freely, so walk or sleep or exchange our impressions with each other. The time just did not go fast enough for me, I could not wait.

At some point it was 20:00 and we all gathered in the ceremony room, we were all then explained how Ayahuasca works and what it does with you, basically it cleanses body and mind, the actual work of the plant then begins in the weeks after. (I wasn’t really aware of that before) in any case all questions were answered and it was explained well and in detail what was coming up.

Then it was finally time, it was shortly before 21:00 and we could all individually pick up our glass of ayahuasca, before we were still smoked and should then go to our place.

I held the glass with the greatest impatience in my hands and smelled it and looked at it and thought to myself only now it is finally so far I hold it in my hands. We should wait until everyone has his glass and then drink it together. (was again light torture for me personally)

Then it was time, I held the glass in front of my heart chakra and expressed my wish to Mother Aya, then I took it and poured it down in one go. It tasted really very bitter, other impressions came to me in addition but bitter meets it probably quite well… I had never tasted such a taste before, I would describe it at best still as very very bitter medicine.

After 10 minutes the first participants started to vomit, I was lying there with almost no noticeable effect, I thought to myself be patient, LSD worked for me only after 3 hours, so it could be that I would have to adjust to a similar period of time here… but somehow I hoped that this time it could be different and I am not the exception…

Well, after 1.5 hours I felt except for a slight sedation still no effect, meanwhile almost the whole room has had to vomit well audible and was fully in the process… some have cried others have spoken to something I could at the time still very well perceive everything and have me so bit around to let the impressions on me, then I thought to me hmmmmm with me there is still nothing arrives so really….

As I said it was 1.5 hours and I felt virtually nothing, it was called to the 2nd round and before that I was told if I after the 1st glass and the past time of 1.5 hours can still walk independently I could get me a 2nd glass with a clear conscience. Said done! I and 3 other participants fetched us supplies and I drank my 2nd glass, again I held it in front of my chest and expressed the same desire again, I waited a short time with the lie down and shortly thereafter I lay down again flat and closed my eyes, I waited again patiently for the effect of the brew, but nothing great happened … except that I went to the bathroom 3 times, I was almost sober…

I was frustrated and kind of sad, I just thought to myself, why? Why can’t it go smoothly for once…. I prepared like very few of my group, I took it so seriously and wanted to get the best possible result. But apparently that remains denied to me.

In the meantime 3 hours have passed and the 3rd round was called, no one came forward, not even me…. I thought, if 2 don’t bring anything, I can save the 3rd dose… so I didn’t raise my hand and lay on my side and stewed in my frustration, I thought to myself that it wasn’t worth it anymore. For me it was really hard…. all around me fully in the process and I am as an observer there… so it seemed to me…

Suddenly a hand touched me… I startled slightly and thought WTF? But then it was Christian who had sat down next to me, he said to me * Manuel, would you not rather have a 3rd glass? * As if he knew what I was going through and I didn’t really feel any effect… I said to him that I had already drunk 2 and I didn’t really think that a 3rd glass would improve anything…. He then said that he thought it was necessary, so I said to him, * okay then I’ll have a 3rd glass so what can go wrong… * I really didn’t care at that point I was just frustrated and I didn’t care then either. *

He brought me the 3rd glass and I drank it without wishing for anything or making any gestures, like this * give me the stuff* put the glass away and lay down again. (I was once again the exception and the only one who needed a 3rd glass )

After what felt like half an hour I opened my eyes, suddenly I saw strobe-like points of light in the whole room (green blue red) I just thought … is here somewhere a laser from the disco ? And then suddenly everything went very fast … I had to throw up all of a sudden… the feeling came out of nowhere… in my whole belly it grumbled and bubbled, I asked myself … there is nothing more in it, the diet the few but healthy food and the already 3 sessions on the toilet should have taken everything out of me.

I bent over the bucket and puke a pitch black but clear (not foamy) liquid out, Oh you shit has tasted disgusting and smelled…. I can not describe it with words, what that was for an abysmal Plörre, it was pitch black broth that came out of me… Ayahuasca tasted like a cocktail with sugar on the rim.

Then I lay down with the inner caution that there could possibly still come something… a few minutes later I got the feeling to go to the toilet, when I opened my eyes the whole room was blue…. Blue lights that illuminated the walls, I then asked the person who had to help me to the toilet (could no longer walk independently) whether the police would be at the door … because it has to go out the same way as if the house was surrounded by blue lights … (slightly jokingly she said to me, No there is no police in front of the door) then I had to grin briefly and I realized what’s going on here.

After I was on the toilet (altogether 6 times in this evening) and again to my place was brought back I noticed these blue lights like already before, only this time patterns were to be recognized in these blue lights… the meander thus the running dog.

I lay down and closed my eyes, while the eyes were closed I did not experience as much light spectrum as when my eyes were open… but suddenly an image appeared in front of me …. It was my mom and she looked at me, I could see her clearly, suddenly the image changed … my mom became an old Indian woman with feather ornaments and all the trimmings, whose gaze met me, I somehow winced and opened my eyes, the image then no longer came and leaves me until now with question marks, I can at this time no real explanation to form.

I suspect it was Mother Aya because I saw my mother and then a completely different person (Indian old woman).

But maybe I will get more info about this, because new impressions and changes are coming into my life every day.

At night at 02:00 the official ceremony was over and the music was turned off, I lay there until 03:00 and let myself drift.

Already on Sunday shortly before the departure and after the common group sharing we made ourselves then on the way home and I must always describe in addition the condition before so that you can understand what and how it changed for me.

I am an overthinker and can only concentrate with difficulty in such group activities, I am quickly bored and drift off into thought… as that is just so as an overthinker… but as the people told their experiences I could amazingly listen very well and there was not a moment where I drifted off mentally, I was fully and completely with the thing. I felt already there an order and silence in my head … which otherwise smokes only so before loud trains of thought. That was the first thing I noticed.

I am a very aggressive driver, even if I am not in time pressure I drive like the last sow, what the car gives just… if someone drives in front of me on the left lane and brakes me out then I force this person so long until he makes way… I then drive up to half a meter to his bumper ran and yes … there are only a few who let me do that to them and then get out of the way …

On the way home I noticed that in me a deep serenity spreads and I can drive for me the 1st time quite relaxed. I had no more desire to force people for no reason. My co-driver has also noticed that I am much more relaxed than on the outward journey. I simply had no more pressure, it was okay for me if someone was in front of me, then I just waited until he made room of his own accord without stress.

That was the second thing I noticed, I had suddenly looked at it from the point of view that it is good not to endanger people unnecessarily including me and my passenger.

It was already agreed that I would come to my mom for breakfast on Monday, I was especially looking forward to a cup of coffee (it was Sunday).

When I woke up Monday then I drove right Frühs to my mom to Frühstücken, the 1st thing my mom offered me was a cup of coffee ^^ and I found it at the time already remarkable because I somehow no longer had a desire for coffee, I let them still make me one and drank a sip, I did not really taste it, after two more sips I then poured away the cup, I just did not want to drink more coffee, as if something in me would not want that anymore. And I don’t know if you can understand it through that, but for me it was quite clear that something is different here, you know yourself quite well and I also said to the other participants that I’m looking forward to the cup of coffee on Monday.

After we had breakfast we went for a smoke and I told my mom about my weekend, when I got to the part about the retreat itself (Saturday) I had to start crying terribly.

(back story to this)

I have had to experience and go through a lot in my life, especially the last few years, I have absorbed almost everything and not even evaluated most of it, like taking something and putting it in a box. I have always perceived myself as hard and cool so in that way nothing can pull me down or reach me at all.

The last years the same, nothing can bring me from the rest and emotions are what for weaklings, but I am strong.

In any case, I told my mom about it and something came up in me at that moment, it wasn’t sadness, it was like redemption from myself. Shortly after that I left and got into the car to drive around a bit, it was beautiful weather, I wanted to take advantage of that.

I drove out of the village and looked up at the sky towards the sun, it was the most beautiful gigantic clouds I have seen in a long time, and the sight hit me like a bomb…. suddenly there was such an extreme warmth in me and especially in my heart chakra region…. I had to start crying again, it touched me sooo extremely this sheer sight of the clouds and the touch of the sun… that I cried intensely for a beaten half hour, I drove with 60kmh through the area and again and again the look to the sun and the clouds, the feeling I felt was that the sun tells me that it also shines for me and it is okay if I allow and show my emotions. That felt so good, at some point I drove home and I felt super good, released, freed from what felt like everything I had to experience the last years and early youth. All the dams in me broke and I could let it out.

I really wanted to go into nature then, my favorite forest immediately came into my head, so that’s where I’m going now, the felt connection to nature was much stronger than usual, I’m a real forest goer and love to spend my time there, the feeling was 100x stronger than usual, I looked at and perceived everything much more closely, I felt connected and perceived the forest and nature with a much stronger awareness… everything is alive and connected and there for me when I need it.

Even then tears kept coming and I had to cry, yet my head was clear and not flooded with old or unnecessary thoughts as it usually was.

I said before the retreat that I would start smoking weed again as soon as I got home…. because I don’t want to give it up, because it’s good for me and I just like it. Like someone enjoys his beer in the evening … I enjoy my joint in the evening…. And actually I thought that I would treat myself to a joint again directly on Sunday evening or then on Monday… Until now it wasn’t the case, I don’t want to, I have no desire to. That doesn’t mean that I will never do it again, but currently I just don’t want to, to stay on the receiving end … I don’t want to seal myself off now and spend my evenings like before. I would much rather go out into nature or meet with people who are good for me.

Before the retreat I had a frozen pizza in the freezer and I wanted to make it on Monday evening because it is simply delicious…. but when the time came, I felt something inside me again… actually I would not like that at all. Much rather I would cook me what healthy, hardly was the thought through my head, I drove to the supermarket and bought me fresh vegetables and made me a rice that tasted suuuuper … The pizza is still in the freezer now and I just don’t feel like it…. No matter how tasty I talked myself into it before.

It doesn’t excite me one bit more….

Yesterday I was shopping again and I have been led as if by magic hand past all what I have bought me otherwise so, much rather I wanted to get me again what healthy for my fridge and I made me yesterday my 1st salad…. I was so looking forward to making a salad…. I go now much more consciously through the shelves and buy me only where I have a feeling that it is also good for me…. As if Aya would tell me, don’t waste it, what I got out of you was the reason for your physical problems… feed on me from mother nature…

I still don’t feel like eating meat… at all.

These are the impressions and changes I feel in my own body…. I feel in me a kind of sensor that tells me what I should leave and what is good for me.

This makes me so happy because now I have a plan of what I can and cannot do.

I am very grateful for myself and my life and can feel love again….

If that is not something great!

Review (November 2022, Stefan): “Inner peace and serenity and my faith in the human were returned to me”

I first heard about ayahuasca from a friend who walked part of the Camino de Santiago and ended his tour with an ayahuasca ceremony. I found it very interesting what he told me and I looked into the subject a bit. When a friend told me about such a ceremony a few years later, it was clear to me – I would like to do that too. He sent me the link and recommended Christian and his team. I am not and have never been the type to meditate or anything like that. But the fact that you eat something that has an effect on you – that seemed plausible to me. So I signed up. I tried as best I could, as per the recommendation on the website, to prepare myself. My intention was to find myself again, as I had lost myself over the last few years and especially in my last relationship. Then the time had come, Friday was arrival. When I arrived, I immediately felt very comfortable. It was a very great group with very interesting people. I didn’t realise at the time how important this factor would also be for me. During the weekend there was also a cocoa ceremony and our shaman Erhan administered rape to those who wanted it. These were great experiences in themselves. During the cocoa ceremony I suddenly started laughing. This, combined with specific breathing exercises, was the absolute and pure joy that was suddenly inside me and wanted to come out. It was an incredible experience. Then it was time for the Ayahuasca ceremony. I was not excited, I was rather looking forward to it. Then it started, the group drank ayahuasca together. After about 15 minutes, some started the process, you could hear sounds of people throwing up. I concentrated on myself and continued to wait with joy for what was waiting for me. When nothing happened after about 1.5 hours, I got a second portion. But even after another 1.5 hours nothing happened to me. Then I got a third. After another long wait, it started happening to me. I saw flashes and lights, had the feeling of being on a trampoline, which at some point turned into a very pleasant swaying. I didn’t have any images or visions. When the ceremony was over, I was a bit disappointed. On Sunday we all shared our experiences. Many participants told of incredible experiences. It was great how openly the group talked about everything. Christian emphasized again and again – even if nothing happens during the ceremony, the plant continues to work and you may even notice changes weeks later. And indeed it was like that. I feel more relaxed and calm than I have in a long time. Things that used to stress me out I now face with more calm and serenity. Overall, I have become much more content without having consciously experienced anything at the ceremony. I think to myself, then this is my process, it’s what’s good for me at the moment and what the plant trusts me to do. It was certainly not the last time for me, I want to continue to get to know myself better and know what my subconscious has to tell me. The weekend gave me a lot of strength, not only the team, but also the participants. In retrospect, I noticed that I didn’t know what they did for a living. The conversations were never about superficialities. It was incredible and unforgettable that it was always about the essentials, about the important things. No one was interested in how you look, what you wear, what you do for a living, etc.; these superficialities that unfortunately shape our lives today were not there. This gave me back some faith in humanity and in the human condition, which unfortunately seems to be lost nowadays. Thank you to the team and the participants, but also to the plant, that I was allowed to be part of it, and that the memories and the process will accompany me on my future path in life.

Review (October 2022, Laura): “A feel-good retreat”

Christian and the great team around him managed to ground us from everyday life and all the stress in one weekend, to bring us to rest and to prepare us in the best possible way for the ceremony with the steppe rue.
It was a very warm welcome on Friday afternoon, and at the latest after the cocoa ceremony in the evening one had arrived and felt very comfortable.
On Saturday we all had time for ourselves and could prepare for the ceremony in the evening by meditating long and consciously with very inspiring music.
The whole team managed to create a great atmosphere in which you felt safe and secure above all, which enabled you to fully engage with the tumbleweed and let the medicine work on you and within you.
This process of working goes beyond the ceremony on Saturday and requires a lot of work with oneself even after the retreat.

Surely one imagines something healing and also relaxing under the word retreat, but physically this weekend was very demanding, at least for me.
Nevertheless, now 2 weeks later, I can say I am doing well and I feel good.

I would not want to miss this experience and I am very grateful for the people I got to know during the weekend and for the experiences we shared.

Review (October 2022, Patrick): “The timeless atmosphere”

First of all, I would like to thank the Ayahuasca team Anna, Mary, Erhan and Christian, because a successful ceremony also requires good support, I felt safe with you at all times and completely forgot my initial worries or even fears. You managed to make the weekend feel like an eternity in the best possible sense, there was such a timeless atmosphere, no everyday stress, no work stress and an overwhelming group spirit, which made this an incomparable experience. After the retreat I almost wished I didn’t have to go back to my everyday life as I quickly got used to the positive vibes during the weekend.

Now about the plant medicine, they say that the mother ayahuasca works days or weeks before and even afterwards, I can only subscribe to that, I became aware of ayahuasca by chance, or so I thought, after doing research based on symptoms, but nothing happens by chance. During the ceremony I struggled a lot at the beginning, as my cleansing process must have been bitterly needed, because it must be clear to everyone that it is a form of self-healing, which means you are made to deal with yourself on the inside. The plant medicine takes you by the hand while you are confronted with yourself – this is a different challenge for everyone, but it is worth it.
After the difficult beginning, where I didn’t even know who, what or where I was and heard some people talking, I had probably the best night of my life: the first thing I remember was visiting different people in my dreams and talking to them, then I was in space and flying around, then I flew to a galaxy, a star system and to earth, getting smaller and smaller until I finally arrived at the cell, the atom and even smaller components. That’s when I first realised that the world is the same on a large scale as it is on a small scale, both inside and out. Arriving at the centre of the universe, I met a version of myself that claimed to have been through it all. We talked all the time and played things together like poker and so on. I also learned a lot about myself as a person, who I actually am or should be. Afterwards I got some homework on how not to fall back into old patterns, because the plant can show you the way, but you have to go it yourself. I can’t even say how long it took: Weeks or years, but then to wake up and realise that it was just one night is the best “mindfuck” I’ve ever had – so blatant that it took me hours to wake up properly. I can still feel it having a positive impact on my life over 2 weeks afterwards, since the evening of the return trip everything is different for me: a new relationship, new professional perspective and so on, everything is becoming the way it should be, it’s like bigger and bigger dominoes falling little by little. I will probably do it again soon, as I know the plant is still working with me.

Thank you dear AYAHUASCA IN GERMANY team for taking such good care of us.

Review (October 2022, Thomas): “A wonderful weekend!”

A wonderful weekend!

Dear thanks to you, wonderful souls, for supporting the process of turning inward.
For me it took courage to come to this retreat. There were (are) fears in me to face what I am hiding from myself.
I was afraid of getting “stuck” somewhere.
What I experienced this weekend was real, honest and wonderful.
I went through my process and experienced that I am accompanied and held at all times by the team around Christian.
I was allowed to have my experiences and take insights into my heart and mind through the healing plant.
Through the ceremony I have been able to access parts of myself that I had been aware of in some way up to now, but which had not yet presented themselves in such a real and honest way.
Thank you so much for your time, dedication and love …

Review (October 2022, Doro): “The cave and the darkness”

It is a challenge to let go. But if you dare to take that step, great things can happen. I saw a lot through the plant and also got a message that was perfect for me at the moment. I went into my cave through the darkness to become NOBODY. If I am nobody, I can be ANYTHING. I had to leave everything behind and go into the unknown. It was scary, painful, liberating and much more.

All the team members contributed to me having this strangely beautiful experience. Through openness and the whole setting, they made it possible for everyone to experience exactly what they were ready for.

Review (September 2022, Carsten): “How I became a joker”

It took about half an hour.

Half an hour, in fact, after I ingested the not really delicious-tasting brew of the sacred plant, it happened. Well, that it may not necessarily be delicious, but it can be precious – more on that later.
But what happened half an hour later?
Not to strain the suspense any further: Nothing!
Absolutely nothing happened.
After these 30 minutes, I decided for myself that nothing else would happen. My tension fell away and I prepared myself for an evening just as relaxing and heart-warming as the day before in the cocoa ceremony.

And that was a mistake. Maybe?! But maybe it was also the initial spark of what now seemed to begin after all.
For who knows whether it was precisely this letting go of my already low expectations of the ayahuasca evening that encouraged the spirit of the plant to get going.
And that’s exactly what it did, all of a sudden: It got going.
Without a doubt! More powerful, more intense and more emotionally painful than I would have expected.

From one minute to the next I felt different. Like a warm viscous liquid, a kind of lava flow poured into me in all my limbs. For example, I looked at my forearm in disbelief because this warm feeling was just spreading there – and my gaze followed this felt lava flow further into my hand, and finally it ended in the tips of my fingers. Because of the great unknown inside me, I instantly became afraid and hot. Extremely hot. Within minutes I was soaking wet with sweat and feverishly divesting myself of as many of my clothes as social conventions would allow. I was sweating like I was in a Finnish 100° sauna after an infusion.

I no longer knew where to put myself. I spun around on all axes. I sat down and lay down again. I couldn’t do much more at that moment. But all that I managed to do in my desperation finally and ultimately did not change my situation. It felt as if another force was now becoming master of my body and I was faced with the challenge of allowing it to happen. But I didn’t want to. I went into resistance. Sure, I was scared and it was unfamiliar territory.
This scenario was called the hot desert blizzard. At least that’s the name that appeared in the credits of my Rocky Horror Picture Show to follow. I know – a blizzard is a blizzard and one might wonder which credits are meant here. Well, some of the statements and experiences that follow simply lack any intellectual basis. It is a very powerful and above all intuitive experience that Ayahuasca gave me, which I try to reproduce one to one – even if the ordinary mind thinks it knows better.
In the same way, that very same mind thought it would be a great idea to put my legs up and take a sip of water when I was feeling very dizzy. At least that’s what I happened to have done only a few weeks before in a similar condition with quite considerable success. But ayahuasca didn’t give a damn about my supposedly witty ideas.
They petered out in no time and nothing helped. I am not one to demonise the mind. Certainly not. It is an extremely useful tool. But in this situation – I learned – it had better “keep its feet still”.

Because all the symptoms got worse. And my fear – which, by the way, was one of my intentions for this retreat – seemed to fuel the whole thing and acted as a catalyst – or rather as a turbocharger, to use the metaphor.
Out of this fear, I called a team member to me, shared my ever-increasing worries and needs and asked if I could be led out into the fresh air. However, I was advised against this and warmly conveyed that – in order to gain optimal benefit from the experience – I should let the process continue to work. And that was absolutely good, as it turned out later.
It was said beforehand that after taking the “elixir” a gate could open, but you had to go through it yourself. If I had left the ceremonial room, taken a breath of fresh air and avoided the situation, the gate might have closed again. So I stayed and tried to keep calm as best I could at that moment. I also remembered the help mentioned by the ceremony leader just before taking the ayahuasca: breathe! I already knew what a wonderful and powerful tool conscious breathing can be.

But once again the mention of it – shortly before the beginning – made me actually think about it in this “emergency situation” and so I breathed more strongly than ever before. And this conscious full breathing also helped me a bit. Not in the sense that I wanted to warble a happy little song, but at least it gave me the feeling of regaining a little control over my body. That alone was a relieving, uplifting and calming feeling after the lava flow experience and indeed helped me to get my parasympathetic nervous system off the siding again and let it do some work.
Unfortunately – possibly triggered by the intense and strong breathing contractions – I now had a strong nausea, which lasted until the early hours of the morning, but I never had to give in to it.
However, the thought of throwing up and fainting at the same time made my fears swell again. I began – very unusually for my current life situation – to develop extremely destructive thoughts. Because I was then afraid that I might choke on my vomit as a result of fainting. So I called in another team member again. I urgently explained my symptoms to him as well, including a subtle fear of leaving this life I had come to love so much.
This team member also decided that I was going through a completely normal process and he was also able to intuitively convey a trust to me. A trust that everything is really “going according to plan” and that I am not exposed to any immediate danger. That I am in a safe space here and that I can and must direct my consciousness solely towards looking evil in the face. That although it could be damn hard, there is no danger whatsoever, not even the slightest danger to my life.
All right, then. Grounded by this confidence, I stayed one more time. What else could I do. By now I was in no way in control of the situation, let alone my senses, and couldn’t take a single step on my own without help.
So I stayed on my mattress and hoped that I had survived the worst. But that was all I hoped for – as it turned out later.

Next to the nausea, my intestines did not quite agree with the ingredients of the Syrian rue, and my stomach announced an intensive cleansing, which I would not have been able to prevent intuitively. Moreover, I felt the music more and more intense, beguiling and eerie. I felt more and more at the mercy of the music, constricted and pushed into a corner. To make matters worse, my mattress was actually tucked into a corner of the room, which must certainly have intensified the feeling. I actually didn’t want it any more now. I just wanted it to stop. These were also “prophecies” from the team: “When the medicine really takes effect and it works in you, it mercilessly shows you your shadows, then you want it to stop.” Yes. That’s exactly how it was. I wanted it to stop. Now! Now! But it got worse.

I lay in my corner, wet with sweat and largely disoriented. Now I knew, on the one hand, that I would have an unpleasant load in my pants in the next five minutes if I didn’t make it to the ceramics section, and on the other, that I would hardly be able to get up under my own steam, let alone put a step in front of the other. So I raised my hand for the third time and told exactly this to a thankfully very strong team member. He more or less carried me to the toilet. My legs were only making toddling movements, while I felt a deep gratitude to feel a strong man’s arm that made it possible for me to reach the toilet before it started.
I stayed there for what felt like half an eternity and uhhh yes – cleaned several times.
Again and again I soaked a towel there – very exhausted and hardly able to lift my hands – and threw it on my head cooling it. It was a relief. Like an umbrella. It shielded me. From the heat. From the loud music. From the unreal world that I had to live through and seemed to have no good plans for me. But I knew I couldn’t stay here forever. It was just a little time out that I was granted. Time to breathe. To recharge my batteries. For the finale that awaited me still unknowing. Fortunately unknowingly. Because, had I known what lay ahead, I would have flushed myself down the drain. When I was completely drained, an inner voice told me that it was now time to return. And so I was carried back to my place to live through the terrible finale.

And this one was to show me the most disgusting and horrible grimaces I have ever seen. No –
not show. It was not a simple visualisation. Not a mundane visual showing in front of the inner eye. It is that moment that cannot be put into words. Because those, in turn, spring from the intellect. My experience, however, was initiated by something else – something much more powerful. But I find it difficult to define or describe. Except that it was hell.
All kinds of grimaces appeared. Some human, some animal, some both, some indefinable. Not necessarily familiar faces, but faces and grimaces that in turn brought to light familiar, already experienced negative feelings. Grimaces in high definition, in the most splendid and dazzling colours, so large and enormous that the inner eye became a big screen. And these abominations were partly to be seen rigidly and partly in motion. One grimace morphed into the next and from this in turn the next even uglier creature emerged, all of which revealed themselves to me in agony as if in a hellfire and then disappeared again into nothingness. The appearances changed partly like a kaleidoscope, partly in the brightest colours, more contrasting than any television could show. Then I thought I had “got used to” the abnormalities and a silence returned. The only reason for this was to set the stage for the sudden appearance of a single black and white giant, majestic and monstrous, coming slowly into view from below. Everything suddenly seemed to stand still. Even the deafening music could no longer be heard. Silence!
And now she looked deep into my “eyes”.
Deeply contemptuous, hurtful and accusing. I was given no time to assign any feelings to all this threatening scenery because it promptly went on and on and on.

In my desperate attempt to escape the whole spectacle, I opened my eyes. I thought to myself: how could one see something in the inner eye when one had opened the truthful eyes. But unfortunately, this suggestion of my mind did not work either. All of a sudden, the frenetic and deafening music began to penetrate my consciousness again, leaving behind an oppressive feeling, which also rekindled the nausea.
Closing my eyes again, the devilish grimaces welcomed me back. And they were not strangers. So not that I knew them – no, but I knew they were all here for my sake. I had some kind of connection. They knew me. I knew them. Even though we had never seen each other. I don’t know how to put it better. Anyway, I was very close to despair. Again and again putting the blanket over my ears – trying to escape the music. Again and again in every possible way trying to escape the horrible characters. Not a chance.

And again helpful words before the ceremony came to my mind: accept everything gratefully.
I rarely claim anything about myself. But there is one thing I am sometimes very proud to claim. Namely, that I try to live my life with a lot of awareness. This awareness consists to a large extent of deep and true gratitude. But at that moment, feeling gratitude was completely foreign to me. How could I be grateful to these deviant monsters who seemed to be angry with me?
But well. I guess I thought intuitively: I don’t have to feel it at all. I just have to say it first. Knowing the power of words in the back of my mind, I began to speak out loudly and louder and louder:
I am grateful.
I am grateful!
I am grateful!!!
So, like a wet sack, miserably clammy against a cold concrete wall and flooded with pure fear, I prayed this mantra over and over again. Not believing myself at first, it didn’t come immediately, but slowly, better and better. Now the grimaces also merged and changed into other indefinable forms, but also into the most magnificent flower and plant formations. Sometimes turning. Sometimes growing. Sometimes greyish. Sometimes colourful.
Furthermore, the increasingly penetrating music, loud drumming and often mysterious sounds of nature and animals intensified the images that were working violently in me. Sometimes I didn’t know what was happening inside me and what was happening outside. Which sounds came from the music box and which from the plant in connection with my experiences of the past years, perhaps of past lives – who knows?!

In any case, gratitude seemed to take hold. To my sensation, it was the fact that I looked the fears very deeply in the face, then went out of resistance and finally, in humility and gratitude, tried to accept the pain so that the martyrdom could slowly come to an end. Again and again I fell into a dream from exhaustion. From which I seemed to wake up startled. But it was a feeling like waking up from a dream that you in turn dream in an already existing nightmare. One only longs to go back to sleep. In between, I kept having bizarre experiences like being on a psychedelic trip. As if my limbs were made of rubber and they were moving. Or abstruse visualisations like me jumping around on a giant glowing keyboard and playing a song.

After about 4-5 hours, calm slowly returned to me. I felt used. Just as I had initially felt that someone had seized power over me, I now felt that this someone was laughingly spitting me out again and I lay there defenceless. But I was left to myself again. The power, the magic, the energy of the plant medicine could still be felt in the room. It reverberated long, mystically and powerfully. But I knew the effect was slowly ebbing away inside me.

The fear gradually left my body and my mind. Then relief spread through me. I felt I had made it. It was a feeling of happiness of a special kind. But I did not have the strength to express this feeling of happiness, yet I savoured it within me. That was all I needed at that moment.

My body, however, felt very unwell for another 3-4 hours. If I had
had I made unconscious movements too quickly – I would have thrown up. So I preferred to lie still. I just turned carefully to the side sometimes, bent and stretched my legs again and again to give my body at least some kind of relief.

Regardless of the physical after-effects, however, I felt increasingly more comfortable emotionally. The gratitude I had previously verbalised mainly in disbelief now gripped me holistically and I was filled with extreme humility and gratitude. I felt like I was in my mother’s womb. Safe and well protected with the self-evident feeling that everything will be all right. Motivated and encouraged by this, and because I had been lying down for many hours, I tried to get up again and again. But very quickly I realised with larger movements that it was better to just lie there and let it have its effect. So I lay there for a few more hours, falling into a short sleep again and again.
Until the rooster invited me to a new day with his cock-a-doodle-doo.

The following Monday, I felt a great euphoria throughout the day.
Suddenly, when my mind came to rest from the intuition-numbing system job, I saw those disgusting grimaces again. This time, however, with a single difference: I was not afraid!
No, at that moment I myself was laughing like the grimaces.
I cried like the grimaces.
I screamed like the grimaces.
I was those grimaces!
By the way, good thing I could still close the windows and pull the blanket over my face – if anyone had heard me, they would have been disturbed on very many levels.
However, I wouldn’t call this an after-effect – that wouldn’t do the situation justice – it was rather a second, equally powerful effect. After I had looked deeply into the eyes of the fears during the actual ceremony on Saturday, they now dissolved, or rather:
I became part of them.
A part of these grimaces.

I became …. the joker.

Ha! And it was a fucking great feeling!

Yes! I felt like that fucking character from the Batman movies at that moment. And like I said, it
felt great to be the very face that had scared me two days before.

Well, we only achieve real freedom when we allow ourselves to be everything.

So I walked out of the resistance again and it was incredibly liberating and releasing, but it was also physically exhausting. I was extremely exhausted and let the feeling linger for a very long time lying down, tears welling up, full of inner satisfaction.

Thus, one of my greatest aspirations had been achieved: I wanted to meet my fears and, if possible, disempower them as best I could.

Furthermore, I wanted to meet my higher self and know whether I was on the right path because of my potential. On this Monday I also received two clear answers, which made me extremely happy and once again strengthened me in my intention.

I went my way that day with more sovereignty, determination, courage and security.

Furthermore, I felt a deep gushing gratitude to all the participants of the retreat, to the sacred plant and especially to the Ayahuasca team.

Now that the spirit of the plant is always within me and will accompany me forever, it is time to carry this experience forward with awareness.

I wish you all that you can find and live your true potential, become blissful with awareness and thus we all come a little closer to a new earth.

Kind regards
Carsten

Review (September 2022, Isabella): “An unforgettable, valuable experience”.

We received a very friendly welcome and were well-prepared in every respect for our
for our journey with the Syrian steppe rue! For me, the team radiated a deep calm, strength and an impressive presence.
I could trust!

The first evening with the cocoa ceremony with the touching music brought me into a deep meditation. On Saturday there was time for conversation, and a beautiful practice together brought our group into a beautiful harmony!
Then the night with the medicine: I was allowed to receive three pieces of information from the medicinal plant that were important for me.
But it took another night and deep meditation before I could fully understand the information.
I notice how the medicinal plant continues to work and shows me what is significant to understand at the moment!
Important to understand at the moment!

This first connection with the medicinal plant has definitely strengthened my connection to spirituality and improved my access to myself.
I am happy and very grateful for this experience! I wish all dear people that they can connect with the spirit of the healing plant.
Healing plant, because we are touched exactly where it is needed!
Thank you, Christian and your dear team from the bottom of my heart for sharing your valuable experiences with us!
Valuable experiences with us!

My respect for your process, what you have already gone through.
All love
With much gratitude
Isabella

Review (August 2022, Radu): “On the journey inside”

From the beginning of this journey, I have tried not to judge anything, to simply
accept everything that was coming-
The team looked after us the whole weekend with a loving motherly rigour.
the whole weekend, accompanying us both literally and in a subtle energetic way.
energetic way.

On Friday evening we had the cocoa ceremony, a possibility I underestimated at first.
a way to open our hearts, a celebration of our being and also a preparation for the
of our being and also a preparation for Saturday evening.
I don’t think any of us could have really guessed what kind of journey we were
lay ahead of us. And it is a good thing. Life lives itself.

On Sunday afternoon, after saying goodbye, I felt more clearly,
that something like a very fine, undefined layer of energy of mine
dissolved. My ego was peeled off a layer.

In the evening I was further exhausted and later, when I had gone to bed
inwardly I was ready for this night to be my last night.
could be. No fatalism, no victimhood.
On Monday when I got up, ah, I’m still here…. there was a
silence and also a peace. But as I got more and more into everyday life, I had
felt more and more distant from it.

In the afternoon when I was in town, shopping, I was still tired and exhausted.
and exhausted, the people and the noise, all of it was very hard to
to bear, I had a headache and every moment it became more and more difficult to
to bear.
My perceptions triggered certain emotions and the emotions continued to
kept me in this uncomfortable state. Suddenly I became
I became aware of my situation. No, I said to myself, I don’t want this
no more, this is not me. I started to love everything, my headaches
my headaches, the noise, the people, everything. I concentrated on
on love, on making it more present in me. From one minute to
the headaches suddenly disappeared, the people didn’t bother me any more, I could
people no longer bothered me, I could look at them peacefully.
the noise was no longer noise, it became something musical.

Yes, the last WE opened something wider in me, the holiness and the liveliness of life became clear to me.
The sacredness and aliveness of life has become clearer to me – and I can feel it more deeply,
it’s more humility, even when I’m making my celery juice or tea or a salad.
I somehow feel the spirit of the plant and give thanks for it – but not out of courtesy
not out of politeness, it flows deeply from my heart.

The old structures are still there, but something which is also related to
other inner processes has changed.

I am currently experiencing a very intense transformation of my being, both
on the outside (giving up my self-employment, finding a new job)
as well as on the inside (intensive confrontation with my beliefs,
illusions, shadows, ancient conditioning).

I feel that in my heart the wonderful people I was with on the
I feel that in my heart the wonderful people I was with on the WE continue to inspire me, that they live on in me – and I am sure
I am sure I continue to live in them. This is the infinite world of the heart.
With deep gratitude!

Review of Homa’s experience (August 2022): “If you really want change, this is the place to be!“

I spent a whole weekend in the retreat house and it was a good decision in every respect. Starting with the beautiful house itself, then the nature, the team, the shamans, the organisation, the other participants, the meals: Up to the two ceremonies themselves, everything was both loving and absolutely safe. All concerns on my part were fortunately in vain thanks to a competent and capable and devoted team. The ceremonies themselves are wonderful opportunities to begin a journey that is not otherwise accessible. If you really want change, this is the place to be!!! And the change is carried by an incredibly wise, powerful healing plant that envelops everything in great love.

What an exciting weekend and what an exciting time afterwards. I can’t get out of being amazed. And with the amazement I feel a deep gratitude, but also respect for the plant. I always feel connected to it. For the first time (!) in my life, I know what is meant by “to become still”. Only now has something in me become still. Something has changed deeply. The plant is still working a lot in me. I get a lot of information, especially about polarity/duality and our creation. I think a lot about light & shadow and what that means for my work as a psychotherapist. I am still purging, although not by throwing up, but I am still purifying. As soon as I put my hand on my heart chakra, my hand starts shaking. If I take it away, it stops shaking too. So much is happening. Everyday life has me back and many people also ask me how it was. But I find it difficult to put my inner experience into words. And I also have a need for a place with the plant or plants and shamans and healers. Who knows what will happen next? Thanks again to Christian and the whole team! Without you the whole thing would not have been possible.

Review of Marcel’s experience (August 2022): “Mama Ayahuasca”

I can only agree with the previous speakers. The team, the environment, the atmosphere, the ceremonies, the preparation… everything fits together perfectly and makes for a good set and setting. Since a lot has already been said here in the testimonials, I would rather tell you about my personal experience during the ceremony and with taking the medicine.
With certain respect, but without fear…. With clear intention, but without exuberant expectation and a little buzz of excitement, I drank the medicine. It tasted a little like cold lentil soup with a funny aftertaste, but not as bad as I had imagined. I sat for some time listening to the music, then lay down and waited anxiously for the effect. It lasted about half an hour. At first I didn’t think I noticed anything, but when I peeked out from under my eye mask, I was disabused. My visual stimuli were somehow distorted and dizziness set in. So I closed my eyes again and relaxed. A short time later, the visualisation of my thoughts began. The feeling of gradually sinking deep into the mattress was still frightening, but I let myself go. Shortly afterwards I landed gently in a field of lavender. I lay among the plants and could perceive the colours and the music in the background with such incredible intensity. The following events are very difficult to describe in words… I was still lying in this colour field when a tree grew out of the ground behind my head. It was huge and as it grew further and further into the sky, a branch of it carried me up with it. Golden liquid dripped like syrup from the leaves and flowers. The branch I was lying on opened and formed a kind of bowl into which the syrup flowed and I floated in it. All the sounds and colours melted together and I was very relaxed and happy. In front of my face, colours, tones and energy materialised into a female face. Forehead to forehead. The rest of her body had no solid form, but appeared like a flowing robe of colourful energy. We later called her ‘Mama Ayahuasca’. She pulled me out of my body and I looked like her. I continued to see my body lying in the syrup bowl branch. We flew together, danced, merged…. Boundaries between time and space and matter disappeared and everything felt like one big whole. It was beautiful. At some point my consciousness spoke up and said to us that we do want to take care of this body, that there is an intention. So together we returned to the tree and back into my body. It felt like I was on two levels at the same time. I was in my syrup bowl as well as in the ceremonial space and I could perceive what was happening around me. Images appeared in front of me… like an incredibly fast photo show…. Images from my life. From birth to the present day. And as if there was a second consciousness inside me, we looked at the pictures. At certain points in my life, a picture stopped. I told something inwardly about this picture, about this situation, about my feelings about it. I worked through my issues. As soon as I was done with a picture, I felt very sick and threw up. It was not pleasant, but it also felt cleansing. Then I lay back down, regained my consciousness and the photo show moved on to the next image/topic. Reprocess, cleanse, next image…. it went on like that for quite a while and it was very, very exhausting. According to other participants, it probably went on like this for about 4-6 hours until Mama Ayahuasca then released me from the other consciousness and gently laid me back in the mattress.
The next morning was still difficult, my body was weakened and didn’t quite obey yet, but in the course of the afternoon I was fine again.
It’s been a little over a month now and I have to say, even though it was exhausting, I would do it again. I feel much fresher, more aware, more alert, more connected, more empathetic since then. Even my allergy, which developed 6 years ago at a turning point in my life, has suddenly disappeared. There were no hard blows in my life and I was not unhappy or depressed. And yet there were many little things that I was able to work through and let go of; and I became aware of things that there is still something for me to work on.
All in all, it was an experience that I would not want to miss and that I can only recommend to everyone; and I am curious to see how it will continue to affect my life.
Thanks again to the whole team for this great experience.

Review of Maren’s experience (July 2022): “More grounded and balanced than ever before”

It was my first contact with Mama Aya. I had also experienced a cocoa ceremony

Friday evening for spiritual attunement, I had not done this before.

I had never done before.

The whole weekend was a very special experience. I felt

I felt much more balanced, self-confident and grounded than usual.

than usual – as I have not felt for a long time, or perhaps never before. The

professional, loving and extensive support before and during the weekend, the healthy

and during the weekend, the healthy food, the cosy house in the middle of the

of forest and nature and the careful handling of our group gave me a sense of

group gave me a feeling of security right from the start, so that I could embark on this

I was able to embark on this special journey without fear or hesitation. It was also very

to have a lot of time and freedom on Saturday to spend in the garden or on a

to be by myself in the garden or on a walk in the woods, to talk to the others

talk to the others, rest and mentally prepare for the ayahuasca ceremony.

prepare for the ayahuasca ceremony.

My most spiritually intense time was on Saturday morning after the

cocoa ceremony. I took a long morning walk at sunrise and meditated.

and meditated. I felt very connected to nature and to myself, and I

to nature and to myself and intensely noticed things that I never

noticed otherwise. This was a subtle, beautiful and light feeling that lasted

lasted the whole weekend and a few days beyond.

The support team made it possible through the great atmosphere and the

and the group discussions and exercises created a very special group

group dynamic was created. Although we were all very different

and most of us did not know each other, we were able to open up from the beginning.

from the beginning. I was also able to open up in a very personal and honest way about my expectations, intentions, fears.

about my expectations, intentions, fears and experiences.

experiences. The so-called “Eye to Eye Meditation” on Saturday afternoon,

where two people look into each other’s eyes for 1.5 minutes.

each once, so a total of almost 40 minutes – in my opinion brought the

brought the group together much more and had a positive effect on the group cohesion.

group cohesion; precisely because it was a very intimate, intense and for many

and, for many, an extremely challenging and anxiety-provoking exercise.

with fear. It is not easy to get involved in it, but it is all the more rewarding and

more rewarding and beautiful when you do it. For me it was one of the best

experience of the weekend. It gave me a lot of strength and self-confidence.

confidence.

The ayahuasca ceremony on Saturday evening was more physical than spiritual and visual for me.

spiritual and visual nature. I had to vomit several times and got

got severe diarrhoea. But we were well prepared mentally beforehand

mentally prepared beforehand and were looked after very intensively and lovingly

cared for. Therefore, I was not afraid to give up control over my body to a certain extent.

body to a certain extent. I perceived it as a positive

purification process.

I did not get clear answers to my questions and my intention.

received. Although I thought I was ready for Mama Aya, an inner blockage seems to have

inner blockage seems to have prevented me from fully engaging with her.

to her. I am not disappointed at all, however, but see it as another

as another important step on my spiritual path. I think it is

important not to go into the weekend with too many expectations, but to be

but to be in the moment and accept the experiences as they come.

come. I was able to accept this for myself in each case. My previously

expectations were not fulfilled, but I was able to experience other

I was allowed to do other things that I hadn’t thought of before. And I was

happy for the other participants who had a much more intensive and

more intense and exciting journey with Mama Aya, and some of them got very clear

and got some very clear answers to their questions. Being happy with and for

with and for the others without feeling remorse for not fulfilling their own

expectations was in itself an empowering learning process. Quite

I was able to let my emotions run free and cry for no real reason.

I was able to cry for no real reason, something that is usually difficult for me.

Overall, the weekend was very enriching and valuable. It showed me

to go through life with even more awareness and to pay more attention to myself and my

to pay attention to myself and my inner feelings. I would definitely like to

repeat it.

Review of Roman’s experience (July 2022): “Pure Joy of life”

I came across this homepage at the beginning of last year. Since then, the thought or the wish to participate in an “Ayahuasca retreat” has not let go of me.

I was finally able to fulfil this wish, which was growing stronger and stronger, on a weekend in June.

My anticipation grew and was not dampened by the three-hour journey.

Upon entering the house, I sensed a pleasant atmosphere and was immediately greeted in a friendly manner by the Aya team.

After I had put down my things in the 5-bed room, I went to the tea room where some participants were already sitting.

After a few cups of tea and initial conversations, it was clear to me that I would meet very interesting people and like-minded people this weekend.

The round of introductions confirmed my first impression and the intentions / motives (for participation) of some of the participants touched me deeply. People spoke openly from the heart, so that a certain trust could develop within the group. Such openness is rarely experienced in everyday life, and I would like to thank all participants for this.

Afterwards, the cocoa ceremony took place, where I experienced my first highlight.

After taking the delicious and pleasantly scented cocoa together, intensive Breath-Working followed, which made my body tremble.

Afterwards, gentle sounds of a singing bowl penetrated deep into my heart and triggered an inner liberation process. I felt inner blockages dissolve and at that moment I felt an indescribable lightness and joy. In my mind’s eye I saw all the people I love – and great gratitude overcame me, so that I could no longer hold back my tears.

This heart-opening experience alone was worth attending the retreat.

The night after the cocoa ceremony I couldn’t sleep a wink. Probably the cocoa or the energies that were released in me were still having an effect.

The next day, two exercises were carried out in the morning to strengthen the team spirit. There were several intense moments in which some participants were moved to tears.

In the afternoon, a pleasant group meditation was done, which was very relaxing and got the group in the mood for the evening.

Around 9pm, the time had finally come, the long-awaited ayahuasca ceremony was about to take place. After a short and informative briefing on the Syrian steppe rue and the course of the ceremony, we got in the mood for the evening and took the medicine together.

Then it was time to relax and trust the medicine.

After what felt like two hours, the energetic, mental and physical cleansing process began. In addition, I experienced intense physical, optical and acoustic changes in perception.

In the course of the evening, thanks to ayahuasca (in the form of many images), I was shown what was blocking me internally and preventing me from living in joy and trust.

Even though many of the inner images seemed confused and random, I understood the message of the medicine.

After the ceremony I retired to my room to let the initiated process of change take effect in silence.

After a short but restful night, I got up early and felt a distinct change in me.

I felt a relief, as if something heavy and burdensome had fallen away from me.

My mind and thoughts were amazingly clear and structured.

I felt happy, content and balanced.

At the big sharing round, all participants shared their experiences and impressions gathered over the weekend.

I found the sometimes emotional reports of experience very interesting and inspiring.

I became aware that ayahuasca works in different ways for each person and that everyone experiences their own individual healing process.

I feel that already during the retreat weekend a life-changing process of change and development was initiated in me.

I experience everyday life with more ease, inner peace and joy.

I am even more open to new situations and people and meet them with more heart, acceptance and understanding.

I am even more confident that everything in life will develop in my favour and for the greater good of my fellow human beings.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Christian, Mary, Anna and Diana once again for their warm and sensitive care.

I would also like to thank all the dear people who were there with me, who met me with an open heart and trust and who gave me their attention and time.

For me it was one of the best and most “productive” events I have ever attended.

It remains an “unforgettable” weekend in my memory.

I can highly recommend this Ayahuasca retreat from the bottom of my heart and think that there will be another opportunity for me to see the Aya team again sometime.

Review of Olgi’s experience (July 2022): “Joy of life”

I went to the retreat without any expectations and I am overjoyed to have had this great experience.

The weekend with these wonderful people has opened my eyes in many ways. Already during the introductions it was clear to me that the weekend would be magical, emotional and liberating. And so it was. Great people, intense conversations, two very emotional ceremonies that couldn’t have been more different.

I learned to relinquish control and trust within the short time.

Now two weeks after the ceremony I feel lighter, happier, more balanced.

I am still in the process of giving my soul the time it needs.

Thank you Christian, Anna, Mary and Diana

Review of Julia’s experience (July 2022): “Unique educational experience”

It was a very big and important step for me to join this retreat! I really don’t want to miss this experience any more.

I was able to meet so many wonderful people there and felt very comfortable very quickly.

The atmosphere is really very special. You can talk to so many people and the team on site about such profound topics, which is something you miss out on in everyday life.

The team really puts a lot of effort into creating a loving weekend for everyone.

It was my first experience with both cocoa and ayahuasca. I’ve never been able to engage with myself and my issues so intensely before. If you are in trust and really allow it, the healing plants bring up exactly the issues that are important to you at the moment.

What I found uniquely special was the joint sharing round on Sunday. Everyone got the time they needed to share their experiences of the weekend. That was one of the most important parts of the whole weekend.

I would choose this experience again and again!

Review of Matthia’s experience (June 2022): “An ecstatic experience of oneness”

Even before the arrival, there was a telegram group in which information and expectations were exchanged. Beforehand, I was able to make contact with participants from my area, with whom I then travelled together.

On the first day, there was a cocoa ceremony that initiated the process for what was to come and made many of the participants’ hearts more permeable. Playfully we met each other on the second day. The group of participants became closer and more familiar. The initial uncertainty was followed. Now I was ready for the Steppenraute.

On the second evening I looked after myself more. I made sure that I felt well and that I kept returning to myself with my attention so that I could have the experience with the tumbleweed in full consciousness. It was a highly ecstatic experience in which the experiencer and the experience became one. In the following nights I relived my experience in my dreams. In these dreams, the dreamer and the dreamed were also not separate from each other.

This experience of oneness of everything is highly gratifying and shows me again and again my/our primordial state from which we come and to which we can return.

Review of Kerstin’s experience (June 2022): “Everything flows!”

“This wonderful retreat came at just the right time for me.

It was a true blessing!

The Ayahuasca ceremony and the tumbleweed did deep healing in me and “made room” for many new experiences.

Already in the ceremony my old mother theme could heal deeply, afterwards a feeling of deep trust arose in me.

I came to myself even more deeply over the next few days.

The experience of “I am” (connected and a part of the big whole) I could deeply experience again and again is just the most beautiful thing. I am not alone. Everything is there.

Wonderful!

And, – something inside me knows.

Many synchronicities are opening up in my life right now – the less “I do”, i.e. am in resistance (thank you tumbleweed!) the more life flows and everything is always right.

Oh yes, and tumbleweed has really become my friend.

Thanks again to the team, you were all really great!

I felt in good hands at all times!”

All my love,

Kerstin

Review of Josephine’s experience (June 2022): “Self-knowledge of a different kind”

I have really had some consciousness-expanding experiences, but this one was a COMING HOME.

Finally I could feel what I have been dealing with theoretically for so long in its full extent.

I AM. That is all there is to know for me. That is my essence from experience. Sounds so banal and yet it is so big for me. It has now become my main affirmation that accompanies me throughout the day and always brings me back to myself.

Everything I had channeled the years before was confirmed to me. I often could not fully grasp and penetrate it. The experience with this plant simply opened my eyes. It showed me that I am the creator of my life and can decide everything for myself, how I want it to be and what is next in my life.

Since the beginning of the year I have been working intensively on manifesting and am already tinkering with a new life. Within this experience I was allowed to train my mind how to stay outside the ego again and again. It was like an intensive crash course. And I was also allowed to look at myself again through the eyes of others, which gave me a new perspective on myself. I took so many things for granted, what I do, how I do things, how much I put into things and how much heart was and is always there. That touched me deeply, as well as some other aspects that I don’t want to list here.

However, I was allowed to understand for myself that in the end I was already in the observer in the “I am” from the beginning, but I was not aware that it was THAT. so the remaining veils were lifted once again and I was allowed to simply recognise myself in my full truth.

These insights and this feeling are priceless for me. I know for myself that I am doing so much, if not everything, “right” in my life and that I am standing at a very sharp point in my life, strengthened once again thanks to this experience.

I am deeply grateful to the whole team from the bottom of my heart! You put so much heart and soul into this, it is so tangible and valuable that I cannot express it in words.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for EVERYTHING!!!!

Review of Christoph’s experience (March 2022): “Into self-love”

This was my first experience with Mother Ayu.

I felt very comfortable on site.

The team is wonderful!!!

About my experience:

I went into the ceremony with the intention of “self-love” and very quickly realised that I am self-love and never had to learn that at all!

I was also flooded with deep love for my loved ones! This showed me how inattentive I am to them and need to change that!

I had a very challenging journey back on Sunday (waiting for hours, physically carried away, completely overwhelmed by so many people around me->had to wait a long time Cologne HBF) but I was able to let go more easily and just accept the situation (“It’s just taking a long time now and that’s the way it is”).

Since I’ve been back home, I feel more open and very emotional. It’s really good to go through the world like this! I LOVE IT!

I have had a few “arguments” with my ego again but that’s just the way it is. I stay as awake as I can.

Now I can already feel the next call, because I realise that I need to get to other issues (fears, traumas).

Mother Ayu will then probably work more intensively with me.

Further learnings also came. I felt my judgements towards other people much deeper and realised how sorry I am. Nobody is better, we all want to be seen and loved.

This judging only separates me and catapults me into misery.

I have noticed that very much!

And also I often think of you guys, listen to the music and cry!!!! Really awesome! I didn’t know anything like that about myself.

There is a lot of love for you!

Best

Christoph

Review of Mitra’s experience (March 2022): “First Ayahuasca experience”

I decided to go to Ayahuasca last month with a friend who lives in germany. She found the centre and we both enrolled. I was a bit anxious about the whole herbal trip and psychedelic retreat in a group of other people I didn’t know.

However; from the minute I got to the centre, i felt very relaxed. Everybody was lovely. Full of positive energy. The retreat itself is a beautiful place in the countryside, ideal for having a nice walk.

I felt totally safe taking the plant medicine as I knew the helpers would guide me through. They never left me alone while I was suffering during the purging.

I made new friends and felt very energetic coming back to my normal life. I would go back there as I had a beautiful experience.

Thanks to the great team.

You are all super stars

Review of Borka’s experience (March 2022): “Connecting with myself”

I chose to take part in the retreat as I have been anxious, depressed and emotionally simply empty. I did not have expectations, I simply wanted to seek my own truth and connect with myself again. Was hoping to be able to feel, love and give again.

I have followed the advice of Christian and stuck to a cleansing lifestyle before the retreat with such a discipline that surprised me. I suspected ayahuasca is working already 🙂

>From the moment I arrived it was an experience of flow. With every single ceremony, conversation, meditation, reflection my heart and soul was opening. It felt good to take time for my own healing.

During the cocoa ceremony, I couldn’t stop the tears, my pain has found its way out, followed by a timeless joy, listening to the beautiful music.

Right before the ayahuasca ceremony, I started to feel anxious, while I was hoping this sacred plant would ‘take me apart’ and show no mercy, whatever the amount of suffering I should bear. I realized what I’m most afraid of is falling into nothingness. So this is exactly what I imagined once I started to feel the alteration in my mind and body after drinking ayahuasca. Although my mind resisted in the beginning, guided by the music I was falling and falling and falling… Right into myself. My vision started. When I arrived I saw a little girl. She turned around and I realized it was me. 8 years old. I felt an immense amount of pain and hugged her and held her as close as I could. This little girl who was so brave, kind-hearted, smart, cheeky and curious has been left there alone a long-long time ago. It was so painful. We held hands and started spinning facing each other. This spinning was the backbone of my vision, that I kept going back to while one by one, ayahuasca has showed me my childhood traumas, the long buried pain of my child self and helped me bring them to the surface. It hurt so bad, I wasn’t only crying, I was in physical pain. What was interesting, that I put my hands on my forehead and the heat and weight of my palms was my anker to reality and reassured me that I am there. For myself.

After I was able to release all the pain I felt so exhausted. I had a vision that this little girl will become a part of me and act as my compass. Anytime I act against my own good, against my own truth, she will speak up. And one day, she will dissolve into my own cells and only then will I be whole as a human being.

And so it started. A long dance of union started until we finally became one. There are no words to describe the beauty and joy of this experience…

I could work with ayahuasca pretty conscientiously after this vision by addressing different topics and seeking solutions to them. (Will be curious to see the long-term effects of these.)

And then the physical pain and psychical cleansing started, which I wasn’t too happy about as I was so exhausted, I couldn’t move. But I knew it’s part of the healing and I just needed to get through it. Once the music ended I was able to drift off a bit.

The ceremony and the whole retreat was very well prepared, the team knew exactly what to look out for, how to prepare us, what we needed, what could happen. The setting, the preparation, the ritual, the music (I have to say I was and am deeply touched by the music), the light, they thought of everything. It was a safe place to let go and discover and I am so grateful to everyone. Thank you!!

Without realizing a deep connection has been formed with the group as well, through the different sessions, sharings and these energies are still noticeable now. With some people there is a sense of deep connection, although we are supposed to be complete strangers.

The gift from ayahuasca has been greater then I have ever expected, which turned out to be one of the greatest gifts of my life. The anxiety, the sadness is gone. Ayahuasca has filled my heart with gratitude, love and peace, that I can go back to by quieting down and looking in. And my little self is with me: curious, cheeky, brave and kind-hearted. We are united, we are one, I am. I haven’t felt so content, so connected to myself since I was a child.

Looking back this has been a whole process of healing since I decided to take ayahuasca. And I know there’s more work to be done. I learn to treasure and nurture these feelings and to take care of myself. I am so grateful for this chance and again a huge thank you to the group and the team for this wonderful healing. I have a very strong feeling that I will be back. 🙂

Review of Thyra’s experience (March 2022): “The recognition of my inner strength”

At the beginning, I went into the weekend with anxiety. Spending a whole weekend with so many strangers. But the fear was quickly taken away as I met many people of the heart there.

On Friday evening there was a cocoa ceremony. After taking it, I suddenly became very sad and felt how much I doubted myself. But I could not find a solution. It was only shown to me very strongly through the cocoa.

On Saturday night, the ayahuasca ceremony took place. About 20-30 minutes after taking it, I perceived my body and the lights around me differently. I saw myself as a small hurt and sad girl, like the night before. I felt all the sadness. Suddenly this little girl grew and became very big. I realised that I am much stronger than I think of myself and that I am not yet living my true strength. Then I saw my mother all sad and I sat opposite her, just as sad. I realised that she herself was so hurt and could not give me the love that a child should receive from a mother. Neither of us could get out of the situation. Suddenly I saw my partner come to me and hug me and show me what true love means. Throughout the ceremony I saw myself happy with my partner every now and then. It was beautiful to see him give me unconditional love. I knew at that moment he was the one for me.

Now a few days after the ceremony I am infinitely grateful that I was able to feel things. I have a great partner and no longer doubt if he is the one for me. I know now and feel an even deeper connection to him. I also no longer have anger towards my mother for not being able to give me what I needed from her as a child. I understand that she was so hurt herself and couldn’t help it. Logically, I already knew that before. It was only that night that I could feel it and that is so incredibly healing. I can now meet my mother much more compassionately and without resentment.

That night I suffered a lot physically. I didn’t throw up, but I did cleanse myself downwards. That night was one of the most intense experiences I have ever had. I suddenly understood many things. I saw pictures of familiar people and saw their fears and/or their loneliness. I can now understand these people better.

The team looked after us all super well and caught us when we needed help. They made us feel safe and accepted, which is wonderful.

I can only recommend this retreat to anyone who is ready to get a different perspective on themselves and the people close to them.

I sincerely thank all the people I had the opportunity to meet during this weekend. Thank you for sharing this experience together and for enriching each other so much!

Review of Anna’s experience (February 2022): “Aftermath and changes”

It’s been almost two weeks since my retreat. The morning after, in the sharing round, I said I hadn’t experienced anything at all, my mind had fought back so much that I couldn’t really get into it. Now I know that I was totally wrong. It was just that it was all so fresh that morning and I was so exhausted that I didn’t understand it at all. If I wanted to describe it now, I would say: ‘while my ego was busy fighting on side battlefields, the plant medicine in the background had free rein to unfold’. The first realisation I take away is that I was so much in my mind that I couldn’t be free and couldn’t let go. I know that about myself… But that night it became really painful and very clear to me. But then in the following days it felt (and still feels) like something new was unfolding inside me. “To rewire” describes what is happening most aptly. I observe with amazement and gratitude that something is changing in me. Little things, like not wanting to finish watching a film because it doesn’t feel ‘real’. Or for example (and this is powerful!), encounters with a person who has deeply hurt and wronged me, whose presence has always filled me with resentment in the past; there I could suddenly let go. We worked side by side for hours and I was completely in the moment and I didn’t dig inwardly at all into the past and rip open my old scars anew. That really amazed me! Oh, and the most outwardly visible change: I suddenly don’t enjoy smoking anymore. I really didn’t come with the intention of giving up smoking. On the contrary, I always found it sociable and pleasant. But somehow it no longer tastes good to me. Sometimes I light a cigarette out of habit, but after 3-4 puffs I put it out again. I think it will soon be time to admit to myself that I am a non-smoker. Thank you to the team for the lovely time and the mindful care, I felt very safe and secure with you. And I’m already looking forward to my next time.

Review of Lisa’s experience (January 2022): “My Experience with Ayahuasca”

I have been dealing with topics like spirituality and higher consciousness for quite some time. Through research, I came across the topic of ayahuasca. I found the idea of dealing with one’s inner centre very interesting, so I came across Ayahuasca in Sankt Augustin on the internet. By chance, I live in the immediate vicinity and was happy about the short distance to get there.

I prepared myself intensively for my upcoming meeting with Mother Ayahuasca. For this I meditated daily and changed my habits (only organic and unprocessed food in my daily routine). I admit that this challenged me a lot, especially at Christmas time (there was the smell of cake and biscuits and coffee all around me). However, I instinctively felt that this kind of renunciation and discipline would enrich me personally and spiritually.

1 Day Arrival : I was warmly welcomed by those present. Mary lovingly and attentively showed me the appropriate rooms and invited me for tea. In the evening I looked forward to the cocoa ceremony. I found the taste of the cocoa a little bitter. However, I enjoyed the ceremony – people around me, music, meditation. After the ceremony was over, I felt a kind of alertness, serenity and balance. Whenever I turned towards a person or was addressed, I had to smile gently. Now I understood better the word pronounced earlier by Christian (‘heart opening’). I practised this heart opening without having thought about it. It felt liberating and beautiful. In the evening I fell asleep relaxed. However, I noticed my excitement from time to time, especially in intensive conversations with other participants. I felt that something new was going to happen the next evening. I felt that this did not necessarily please my ego (false self). But this insight alone calmed me down and the joy of the experience grew.

Day 2 Ayahuasca Ceremony: Preparation: I enjoyed the beautiful walks in nature. I rejoiced in life. I thanked (whoever) for the beautiful spring weather for the beginning of January. I sat down by a small pond and just took notice (sun on my face, wind in my hair, birds chirping). In the afternoon there was a beautiful experience for me. We faced each other in pairs. Then we looked intensively into each other’s eyes for 1.5 minutes (including music). In my almost 40 years I had never had such a wonderful experience. I felt an intense connection that I could not explain rationally. I felt a superior transcendence between our souls. Perhaps I would say a kind of communication without talking. I enjoyed the idea that it didn’t matter who I looked into the eyes (gender, age, origin), but that it was all about this soul. That I am also just a soul. It doesn’t matter – there is no you and me at that moment. However, I felt that the physical person standing opposite me had manifested all his experiences in that gaze. This was not seeing in the actual sense, but a kind of sensing/feeling and perception. I will try to integrate this beautiful experience into my daily interaction with my fellow human beings.

The contact: In the evening I – and I think all the participants – were very excited.

After taking the ceremonial plant medicine, I went into myself and noticed after about 30 to 45 minutes that my hands and feet began to tingle. I also felt a pleasant subdued and pleasantly warm sensation of my body. I would describe it this way: that Mother Ayahuasca began to have performed a kind of scouting (checking; cleansing) from my head towards my belly, later also towards my feet. Suddenly the fabric of the blanket felt different. Somehow my fingers connected with the fabric of the blanket. I felt like a baby. Helpless and vulnerable in the universe . But each time I felt a mother who could not be put into words, who loved me more than anything. I perceived in my heart a love and unconditional acceptance I had never experienced before. At the same moment I cried warm tears over the whole process. I asked: why are there evil people when everything is so loving and divine? And immediately after crying I had to laugh. Not a normal laugh like an adult laughs, but a laugh from the heart (like a child). I felt an absolute, beautiful, intense feeling of oneness and had to cry again like a child (out of a kind of awe, regret, compassion). Now the mother kept stroking my face and making me feel that everything was right as it was. I had such a safe, relaxed feeling. Like a baby that has just been nourished, loved, protected and lovingly bedded by its mother. Infinite gratitude spread through my heart.

I felt the music so much in my heart that it cannot be expressed in words. I didn’t just hear the music – I was a part of it. I also felt extreme excitement again and again; something like when a toddler sees or perceives something he has never seen before in his life and wants to burst with excitement. I kept (not consciously) putting my left hand on my heart and my right hand on top. I felt this energy, this love in a kind of waves. A bird was chirping in the music that was playing. I perceived this chirping in my heart. The word chirping felt expressionless and meaningless at that moment; because this bird was communicating with my heart. You could say I was a part of this bird. I understood that we are all connected. Again, I was in awe and I had to cry. Immediately this infinite love came again and gave me the feeling that everything is good as it is (you are wonderful, you are something great). I cried again because I was so sorry in my heart that not all people (Now!) could receive and feel this beautiful feeling of oneness. Then love came again and I smiled as only an innocent child laughs. Again and again I had to nod my head after these realisations. I sighed and groaned with joy, connection, love. An infinite and profound gratitude manifested in my heart.

Visual: towards the end of the experience I opened my eyes. I was lying right next to the musician Seven (many thanks to the musical accompaniment!). I saw strange green dots/flashes of light. From the jukebox I saw a kind of distorted waves that moved forwards and backwards in time with the music, like the waves in the sea. I was amazed; however, I was aware at that moment that this must be the effect of the plant medicine.

Towards the end I perceived a light. I stretched out my hand towards this light. Birth, death came to my mind and I felt this was not elemental. I felt a connection between death and birth . A beautiful and haunting feeling.

Cleansing : during the whole process I had to yawn passionately again and again. Not a yawn like when you are tired, but a kind of “getting rid of something”. After yawning, I exhaled passionately. This was probably also part of the cleansing process. At the end, I threw up again violently, but immediately afterwards I had a liberating feeling.

I actually had a place to sleep in the basement, but decided in my heart that I would like to fall asleep next to the others. The next morning I was still in full process – dizziness and yawning, so I slept some more and skipped breakfast . Thanks again to Mary and Christian for their support.

Debriefing: 12PM I was able to go to the debriefing.

When Christian played the music (short meditation) it still touched my heart so much that I cried with joy. As everyone shared (experience), I felt unlimited empathy and had to cry now and then. I felt everyone’s feeling as if it had been my experience. Around 2 pm I was completely back in my real world.

I would like to thank all the participants, the friendly music team, Mary and Christian and especially Mother Aya for this unforgettable experience.

Review of Steffen’s experience (January 2022): “My experience of unconditional love and connection”

The contact: In the evening I – and I think all the participants – were very excited.

Debriefing: 12PM I was able to go to the debriefing.

I would like to thank all the participants, the friendly music team, Mary and Christian and especially Mother Aya for this unforgettable experience.

Review of Brigitte´s experience (December 2021): “Miracles happen”

Well, coming home happy and energetically high vibrating after a retreat is not unusual. To stay in a wonderful vibration for weeks, very well. Today I am writing my little report about the retreat in November 21. Maybe I feel like writing something again after the Rauhnächten, because then I have days, nights and trigger points behind me, which often brought me to the limits. And if I am then still in the best condition, then…. yes then that is truly a miracle.

I came to the retreat because I felt called by the plant. The whole year 2021 I was already in very violent inner liberation processes. My body was also reacting violently with more and more intolerances. Many things were no longer to my liking, especially in the figurative sense of many an imposed stamp, many a role attribution, my reaction patterns, mechanisms… etc.. I wanted to come back to myself, wanted my childlike innocence back, had a memory of an inherent dignity and strength.

I wanted that back and I got it. I have been given much more than I consciously wished for. I am very very grateful for the whole process with tumbleweed. It started with the call, the application and is still going on. The plant is still there and I can call it. We are connected.

I especially thank Lorena and Mary. They supported me because I was experiencing a complete loss of control, needed physical support because nothing was working. No, it was not pleasant, but it was necessary and not bad. It is clear that I wanted childlike innocence, which I got, I let myself be cared for and was treated lovingly. I am deeply touched, still am. I could write a novel about my experiences with Aya. What is important is perhaps what remains. What remains is the deep peace within me. I did not know him. Unbelievable. With me a button is pressed – reset. All the pain, disappointment, hope, anger, rebellion…is gone. I feel neutral, not dull or indifferent, just neutral with myself. The old programs are no longer running. My physical symptoms are gone, confirming my suspicion they were process related. I am always grateful, to the plant, to the Ayateam, to Joel’s music and also to the group. We have all woven a loving, appreciative field that still embraces me. The relationship with tumbleweed flows spiritually into my shamanic work and I suspect I will definitely come back to the retreat again.
Thank you to all .

Review by Paul (December 2021): “Different than expected and yet exceeded all expectations”

Different than expected and yet exceeded all expectations

This experience was a Copernican turning point for me.

By that I don’t just mean the weekend, but the whole time leading up to it, which prepared me for it.

I was generally quite a materialistic cynical person in many ways. Quite educated and had the name Wikipedia gone quite quickly in the group because I made my mark in groups about my knowledge. In general, I was a bit sceptical and, as so often in my life, felt an inner distance, but also an interest in the experience and some hope that it would make a difference.

I had previously dismissed the cocoa and music as spiritual accessories and joked that there must be a bunch of students with dreadlocks.

I’m quite an experienced psychonaut and have tried a few psychedelics, so I thought I had an idea.

Then everything turned out differently. I was already on a kind of hero’s journey in the lead-up, which started with the death of my mother at the end of 2020. I did a lot of drugs after that and lost myself in fear of the future and meaninglessness. After a particularly unhealthy relationship, I was standing there at the end of the summer and had completely lost my compass and had a huge black cloud over me; and despite meditation and exercise and all the things you’re supposed to do, it didn’t really get better.

I had been battling with this cloud ever since I signed up for the retreat and dragged all my trauma boxes and insecurities out into the open, which only helped to a limited extent, because I then identified with those very things.

So I arrived completely confused, insecure, sceptical and full of self-loathing.

I was welcomed with warmth and a hug. Got to know the others and started to recognise myself in them too. Very different people to me and from each other. And yes, someone with dreadlocks too. I resolved to be as open and consistent as I could this weekend, allowing it all in.

The cocoa ritual was very nice; it just relaxed me a lot and I slept like a rock.

The next day I had a lot of good conversation with others I might never have met in normal life.

There was then an exercise later in the day to look each other in the eye, and I was so full of self-loathing that I started crying by the first partner because I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. It was a difficult and beautiful moment especially because afterwards I immediately felt relieved and caught up by the other participants.

Then the ayahuasca started in the evening.

I had set myself up for a wild journey through all my negative emotions with lots of purging and pain and generally a heavy experience.

And then it was just nice – so yes: I also vomited once or twice, but it wasn’t that wild for me, nor was the taste by the way.

I also didn’t see very much except for some very clear visualisations with my eyes closed and … Flashes of light with the music, which I would now describe as the spirit of the ritual.

I just let go. I suddenly intuitively understood that I am a consciousness or soul that is part of a greater whole and that I am not my past, future, body, feelings or thoughts. I am the observer and the space in which this takes place.

The rest is hard to describe. Maybe loving attention or disconnected compassion to put it into words. And when I thought I had a soul and so did everyone else, my view of a whole lot of things changed.

My meditation has gotten years better because now I know the state I want to be in. I can let things go and stop myself from over-identifying with thoughts. I have a whole new understanding of spiritual ideas and religions that I used to deal with only academically.

It is not the solution to all problems – and although I would call it an enlightening experience, I also realise now that enlightenment is only the first step of a new journey.

I have a sense of closure of one chapter and the exciting beginning of a new one that plays by different rules.

I think if I had to describe in one word what this retreat can give it would be this: Rebirth.

Review by Marion (November 2021): “Cocoa and Ayahuasca Ceremony – a healing in the heart!”

I am a rather anxious, sensitive person. I have had no experience with substances in my life, hardly ever alcohol, no cigarettes, hardly any painkillers, etc. I was very worried about how I would tolerate this substance. Accordingly, I was very worried about how I would tolerate this substance. I would not necessarily describe myself as a spiritual person, but certainly as thoughtful and mindful of others and their needs/feelings.

My last 2-3 years were marked by illness in the family and I felt very exhausted and emotionally empty. The Corona period with its absolute isolation and no community at all had somehow finally knocked me over.

Especially the developments in 2021, where society is becoming more and more divided by the outside, makes me deeply sad. I had always felt pressure, worry, overwhelm and self-doubt rather than happiness and contentment before. There was always this underlying feeling of lack of closeness, too little love and my own lack of understanding why I am not grateful for all the many wonderful things in my life. I longed for relaxation and happiness.

I sought outside support and was able to find some answers and work through things in the last few years. However, I continued to feel trapped by the old patterns in everyday life. Then by chance (or not?) I became aware of Ayahuasca.

become aware of ayahuasca. A few weeks before, a friend had told me about a ceremony abroad. I listened intently, but a huge rational part of me would have liked to get up and leave immediately (not allowed in Germany, loss of control, etc.) But I am very happy and grateful that I am now more open and able to listen. It helped me that I had and still have great trust in this person.

At home, the subject somehow wouldn’t let me go. I looked on the internet and found out that there is another way. My everyday life doesn’t really allow me to organise a weekend for myself, but I asked my family and it was surprisingly unproblematic and so I simply signed up a few days later. In the meantime I realised that everything should be absolutely the same. I had been stuck in a kind of dead end and needed a change, answers to my inner questions.

What happened at the weekend is different from anything I had experienced before. A healing in much bigger steps. Catapulted into a new level. A healing in the heart. Far from healed, finished, satisfied, but definitely on my way as healing as nothing ever before. But I only see it that way in retrospect. You see things more clearly and with your heart.

The mind, which often gets lost in the same circular movements, moves into the background. On site, in the cocoa ceremony, I was able to make peace with a dark chapter of my youth and overcome a loss. It was a rather dark night, but healing. Still, I was irritated, as it is said that cocoa is calm and triggers gratitude. I was then correspondingly anxious before the next night with the plant. But I was determined to try it and face my fears. I would not get another opportunity so soon.

So I didn’t say that and just accepted the feeling. I accepted it, just as I accepted the confinement that I felt in the house all the time and that I found stifling.

But I felt that all this was meant to be for me and that I was already in the middle of the process. The following night was then very intense. I regretted for hours that I had come here. All I wanted was for it to finally stop. But actually only the physical experience was difficult. Inwardly, I saw bright, pleasant images full of love and happiness and wonderful nature journeys and the universe for hours. That surprised me. But I had already had my experiences the night before.

Still – physically it was a disaster, the images were too fast one after the other and I absolutely couldn’t enjoy them. I felt terribly dizzy and nauseous. The purging went on throughout the night and I felt infinitely weak until the next day even into the afternoon. But I received 1000% care. A huge thank you to Lorena, Mary, Christian and especially Joel! The experience with him brought me one step further and closer to myself.

I could write a lot more, but it is too difficult to capture in words anyway and probably hard for outsiders to understand. However, as I found other notes helpful myself, it was important for me to share my experiences as well Here are some more notes:

I can breathe more deeply since then. Not always, but often and it fills me with a deep joy every time. I now know what the term charity means and have actually felt it first hand through the wonderful group and the leadership.

Soul and physical care and closeness that I will never forget and still move me to tears when I write about it The eye to eye exercise in the garden was overwhelming, as was the music by Joel Eating so little all weekend was very unusual for me, but much easier than I thought The house has been too cramped for me at times, but through the wonderful community it was no problem for me I liked that there were fixed structures/schedules.

That was good for me. Great nature in the surrounding area. Now about 2 weeks later I am very much back in the daily routine, but it is still different than before. Better, more loving. And I can actually imagine that there will be a 2nd time.

Review by Alisa (November 2021): “Mama Ayahuasca called me – I answered – and magic has been happening ever since”

I had already had an Ayahuasca experience with the original recipe of the portion for 2×2 days before and I have to say in comparison to the retreat with the “Ayahuasca in Germany” team: I didn’t notice any difference, even though we had drunk the pure Syrian Rue.

The reason why I got the call was a loss in the close family that paralysed me for about 1 year: I had lost my intrinsic motivation for that time, I kept asking myself why I should do this and that, I hardly wanted to move my body and my goals had somehow become unimportant… until I got the impulse in my own Cacao Ceremony about 3 months ago to finally visit Mama Aya again. In my search I found the Christian & Mary team and wanted to give the recipe without added DMT a chance and see if the effect was comparable.

Even though the setting was different from what I was used to and you meet a larger group, it was all worth the experience. The additional exercises were interesting and we met more intensively afterwards, despite the short time we spent together. I was already very excited about the Aya ceremony, but was also allowed to write down and consolidate some important impulses during the Cacao night.

During my Aya night I was especially supported by Lorena (thank you for that, angel!) almost all the time, because I had an extremely hard process and Mama Aya showed me especially many different things and my purging was extremely exhausting (what came out of me was not food, but, as I say beautifully: fears, blockages, demons). The night was extremely hard, I was also one of only 2 participants who had come with a concrete and not very easy intention. I expected it to be no walk in the park.

After the Ceremony I had to recover for a week (I am self-employed online and fortunately can take the time), but then came the feeling of love, connectedness and also insights that I already knew before but didn’t FEEL. There was a difference between “knowing something” and “really understanding something” and especially on the subject of habits I realised how I had been lying to myself and I told myself I didn’t understand why results came and went: because I always stopped at some point with the good, new habits and the old thinking came back. It really wasn’t anything “new”, but only then did I understand that I was pretending not to understand why it came and went. I know that now and am actively changing my habits again because I am no longer in that victim role.

Also, as a result, the urge to clean out was greater again. And one of my guinea pigs died. I’m glad it went after the ceremony because I actually felt prepared and accompanied it into death (I sort of immediately put into practice my new skills in coping with loss), even though I used to like to run away from such situations when I was younger… the plant gave me my self-esteem that I had lost for 1 year when my family member died and I finally felt I can now pick up where I last left off.

Thank you to the Ayahuasca team in Germany for holding the space and thank you Mama Aya for the wonderful cleanse.

Review by Alina (November 2021): “The most challenging and beautiful thing I have done so far!”

I first encountered the plant ayahuasca in Brazil 2.5 years ago. At that time it fascinated me, but I didn’t dare. I was not ready! And then the opportunity came. I woke up one day this year and knew: “The plant is calling me. Ayahuasca knows I’m ready!” And so I booked the retreat. Without having read any testimonials, I set out and quickly realised that each participant of the retreat follows their own unique and individual path and therefore each experience with the plant is quite unique and special.

That is exactly what it was for me. It was special, indescribable, intense, challenging, difficult, liberating and above all beautiful. Today I go through life with much more ease and serenity, I meet myself and all my fellow human beings with more calmness and gentleness and love. I notice that I am on the path of forgiveness and it sets me free. From everything that no longer serves me and that simply no longer fits me! I feel more like myself.

I would love to recommend this experience to everyone, but ultimately everyone must and may decide for themselves whether they are ready for this transformation. Ayahuasca called me, but you also have to want to listen. Therefore, I can say for myself that ayahuasca came into my life at the perfect time. Each individual will know for themselves when and if the right time has come for them.

And the plant is calling me again. I know that this was not my last ceremony. There are still many more insights and experiences and liberations and shadows waiting for me. There is still much in me that needs to be seen and accepted. And Ayahuasca has opened my eyes and called me to discover myself. I still don’t know exactly who I am and why I am here after the first ceremony. But I am finding these answers within myself and Mama Aya is helping me to find these answers. Thank you thank you!!!

Review by Manuela (November 2021): “A milestone on the path of transformation”

Writing a review “about products” has always been easy for me, so the reader knows “good or bad”. a positive-negative list, done. It’s not that simple here. Who should come here, when, why? What does the addressee want to know?

Such a journey is always very subjective – so how is my assessment, experience to be understood? The retreat “triggered something in me”. Being there was an incredible sensory experience, an enrichment. I was able to feel my body, very strongly even perceive it. There was also so much happening in my mind, I felt my energy body when I resonated with other people or not – I felt other people’s blockages, I felt my own blockages (if you think of chakras/energy centres) – I was supported – when I went “deep” then finally a plant – but it was not just this one evening, I would like to emphasise that it is not like alcohol, it works as soon as you drink it – everything that took place on the retreat worked together in exactly the same sequence – so “everything did something to me”, ceremonial procedure, music, conversations, peace – and of course then also the ingestion of the brew.

The effect is very complex and is incredibly difficult to explain in mundane terms.

I had already come into contact with the issues that make up my innermost core (the questions of meaning, who am I, what can I do, what can I contribute to this world) before, for years I have been dealing with myself, as part of the whole (me as a professional, as a mother, as a volunteer, as part of society, as a democrat, as a free spirit, as a patient, as a healer, as a partner, as a sportswoman etc. etc.) and always the question of what is it that I can contribute to this world? etc.and always the question, what do I have to do so that I can help others, how can I change so that I myself feel better and others also feel joy…)

I came to the Ayahuasca retreat because there are “things” that “take place” so much in my subconscious that I had the impulse to “bring them out” – and I consciously did not want to discuss these topics in the “conventional system” (doctors, therapists, psychologists) because there everything is thought about with the head. We humans are more than just brain and bodily functions. That is my conviction and humans cannot explain everything, even if they would like to. Since I am also a head person, I thought, why don’t you switch it off and give in to “the feeling”, listen to “your inner self” and then see HOW it goes on, it always goes on…and that’s exactly how it was.

So what could make more sense than to use rites that were already used by people thousands of years ago. There was no conventional medicine back then

And so I went to the weekend with the impulse to “work through” my issues. As is well known, everyone has to “carry his or her own baggage”, in whatever form. Personally, I only hoped that the weekend would help me to confront my issues, or to see more clearly those issues that were already known to me, but nothing more.

Because it is clear to me that if I went to a conventional doctor, he wouldn’t be able to “make my ouch go away” straight away, or if I went to a psychotherapist, he wouldn’t necessarily prescribe me psychotropic drugs straight away and then my issues would disappear. Healing, “rediscovering lost soul parts”, becoming whole, transforming oneself, wanting to be a different person than one was yesterday, all this takes time and a lot of work is required. I knew that the retreat would probably not be able to do that, that I would go home on Sunday and yay, the ultimate human upgrade, like downloading software from the “next higher version”. We are human, not a machine. Everyone knows it…

That’s why I initially had “no expectations” of the retreat – especially as I first had to find a dosage of the Ayahuasca brew for myself that was compatible with my body, mind and soul. Everything works differently for each person. We are all unique. And so I embarked on the journey trying to be as open as possible to everything.

In short: the journey to the retreat was worthwhile for me in every respect and for me the journey did not “only” consist of the 3 days. The ceremonies, meditations, the meals together, time alone or with each other, the sharing at the end, the “pre/post care” and the own “post processing” (digesting, eliminating, internalising, solving etc.) days later, were very special for me, a great journey on the outside and on the inside.

During the Ayahuasca ceremony I had “only” physical effects, i.e. the cleansing of the body with the help of the plant took place for me mainly through excretion. Despite strong nausea and circulatory fluctuations, cold sweat, I could not vomit. The assumption is that my body was signalling to me, “I am here for you, help you to detoxify”, 2 years ago I had a serious emergency/bowel operation, I had a clinic trauma, pain, fears that I would remain incontinent at the age of 40. My body was “not reliable” at that time I was incredibly afraid of my own body because it did not “obey”. In the retreat I first had the fear again of whether my body would let me down again, to what extent I could rely on it, but after taking Ayahuasca I had no choice mentally, I had to “surrender”, had to entrust myself to the universe, as they say, and so I did this in the hope that everything had its meaning for me. I knew there were people there who would help me.

And so I can say: the care of the team was one of the most essential building blocks of the retreat for me. It’s about THE WHOLE – the plant is one thing and it is the most essential thing about the retreat. But everything around it is part of it.

In order to feel good all around, to be able to open up mentally, it requires the greatest possible sensitivity on the part of those involved. This attentiveness, I say it consciously, this “unconditional love” of the team, I could feel it! In my heart, in my soul, energetically. I can confirm this 300% – I can’t prove anything scientifically. But I don’t need to. The feeling of being loved, of having people around me who are interested in my healing, in my physical well-being, and who actively promote this, that is the meaning of life for me. THANK YOU for that!

There could not have been a better team for me from the beginning to the end of the journey. In my “hardest hours” a special “(protective) angel” was also there for me. I blindly relied on everyone and on myself. I was held and also held myself. This journey “gave” me an incredible amount of strength and self-love. Even now I shudder when I think back. I want to continue participating in cacao ceremonies and Ayahuasca will be a topic for me again. There is “no plan” here. When it is time, I will participate again.

Thank you to all team members! My heart is “replenished” – I am working on my issues, lovingly and patiently.

ps, out of carelessness/sloppiness I did not follow your diet recommendations to be careful with myself after the retreat. So I drank many cups of coffee and ate sweets again, these are old habits. I don’t do that any more. My body also gave me appropriate signals that it did not agree! 🙂

Review by Ines (October 2021): “The most blatant, courageous and intense thing I have done so far.”

Good morning, dear Christian,

I just had the impulse to write my report:

My experience report with ayahuasca – “the most blatant, courageous and intense thing I have done so far.”

My experience with ayahuasca started even before the actual retreat. Namely in the form that the plant called me.

I became aware of ayahuasca in June/July. I told my best friend about it and she said, yes, she knows it, the plant comes from Peru.

I felt that I wanted Ayahuasca this year and didn’t want to fly to Peru for it.

So, without knowing what it actually is and what it does to me, I googled whether it was also available in Germany. That’s how I found out about Christian’s retreat.

I didn’t find out, but looked up when it was taking place: 01.-03.10.2021, and immediately put it in my iPhone calendar without booking.

Then I forgot about it.

Then 3 weeks before the retreat I noticed that I had put it in my calendar.

Then I made a commitment to myself: “If there is still a place available 3 weeks before the retreat, then I will book it”.

No sooner said than done – I booked it…at that point I didn’t know what to expect either.

Until I told my other best friend about it, who then googled it and told me roughly what to expect.

I thought: “Yes, it’ll be fine, I was called by the plant. So I’m going to do it.”

We were then all put into a Telegram group so that we could get to know each other in advance (about 20 participants)…that was very good.

At the same time I took this as an opportunity to have a look at what to expect at the retreat and read through the schedule of the retreat…afterwards I just thought “Shit, what am I doing there?”…Ayahuasca in the middle of the night; so little to eat; oh dear and the testimonials…have I actually lost my mind to sign up there?!”…these were thoughts that came up for me. Anyway: I was called by the plant.

So I went there.

The arrival was inviting and you could already feel the special energy in the house.

It was clear to me from the start that if I did this, it would be a complete Social Detox. So I put my mobile phone in flight mode on arrival and only took it out of the locker again on Sunday afternoon shortly before departure; that was the BEST decision and I can only recommend it to everyone (beforehand, of course, inform all social contacts so that they don’t worry).

So then I was there and we were all supposed to say our intention, why we were here.

For me it was relatively short: “I was called and I want to go further, create more miracles in the lives of kids and teens and in my own life.”

(Note: I am a children’s and learning coach; where by “learning” I mean lifelong learning; beyond school).

Then was the cocoa ceremony; cocoa was delicious; ceremony I know nothing; I fell asleep.

(Note: I stayed in the ceremony room and it was great; again, total comfort zone expansion because I and mattress camp; this used to be on children’s birthdays but not at 33 – but again, I highly recommend this to everyone; the mattresses and blankets and pillows are super comfortable).

Next day; preparation Ayahuasca…and from then on I was already getting nervous.

Especially as I then knew that the aim of the plant was for me to throw up. (I last threw up when I was a kid; not since because I find it gross to the max).

I thought, “Yes, I can manifest that I don’t throw up.”

At the same time, the plant only really has a deep effect apparently when you throw up..so somehow I wanted to take the deep cleanse with it….

Anyway, the situation on Saturday evening (right before the ceremony) was awkward: normally I don’t prepare myself for throwing up on Saturday evenings…and the conversations I have aren’t about that either well…at the same time the conversations with individuals helped me super..one of them said to me: “Let’s let our old life die now and give birth to ourselves anew, and you can do it.”

And then it came to me, “I had written down in June/July, “To live my new life, I have to let go of my old life.”” MAGIC

All right, I got involved in the process…I took 1 drink, 2 drinks…didn’t notice anything…then on the 3rd drink I noticed a bit…another took a 4th drink and that’s when I noticed in my body, no I don’t need that.

Then everything started to turn around (like in the past after a carnival party, when you’ve had a bit too much to drink). Then I got the impulse: “Your vibration is being raised and you are being realigned”…and somehow also that of other people…at least that’s what I felt…I thought: “Great, it works without throwing up.” Well, thought wrong….then it started…and it was awful. All I wanted to do was die. I felt weaker than I’ve ever felt in my life. And I can’t express in words HOW THANKFUL I am to Christian and the whole team for accompanying me through the process.

What helped me: “I came to stay. I have a purpose here on this planet. The energy of my friends who knew what I was doing and I felt that they were thinking of me. I was called by this plant. It’s a healing plant, which means it only shows me that and only takes me as far as I can take it.”

What was also crass was: one song in particular I liked “Cuatro Vientos” and a week after the retreat I realise I had that in my Spotify playlist and already knew it..so the plant does its work beforehand too. The rest of the music really annoyed me in parts…but that is also part of the process…finding the music unpleasant….

My actual process started relatively late in terms of time. Others threw up 20 minutes after the first drink. In my case, I was told on Sunday, it was 4 am.

According to this, I was super weak on Sunday. I was angry at myself because I thought, “When is this going to stop. Why did I even do this?!” and I was also scared that it wouldn’t stop at all….

That’s why I only noticed the sharing on the sidelines.

I had to go out several times…Christian’s words helped me a lot: “Ines, it was the same with me and now I’ve started a retreat with it.” Joel just said, “Ines, you are very strong, give your body time and trust.” I did that and at some point I just cried..and that was so cleansing and healing…not convulsive. The tears just flowed and it was wonderful…and I was held through it by wonderful people.

And so special thanks also go to: Two wonderful men who held me and carried me through the process (the night before, on Sunday and even still on the train).

And my 2 friends who I met here and who also carried and held me through the process and with whom I am still in almost daily exchange.

I travelled there and back by train. I could not have driven on Sunday. If I had driven, I would have stayed an extra night (I was also asked this by Christian and the whole team). Then I realised that I had come to the right place – here, pre- and after-care are part of the programme…and even now we are in regular exchange…sometimes the plant doesn’t take effect until much later and months later there are still insights.

On Sunday evening I ate something for the first time in Stuttgart (before that I didn’t want to and couldn’t eat anything): butter pretzels, doughnuts and chocolate donuts. It felt good and I kept it inside me.

I thought to myself that if I felt like it, it would be good (it was like that when I was a child, too, when I was unwell).

My decision on Sunday evening: “Ok, I was brave, I let go, but as bad as I felt – NEVER AGAIN Ayahuasca! I hadn’t noticed any of the energy of the new birth.

To the one friend I said: “Ok, if that’s what it took for us to get to know each other (it felt like we’ve known each other forever), at least it had that meaning.”

I took Monday off and I can only recommend that to everyone, because the plant still has an effect there…and even days later…but here it is especially intense.

On Monday morning I still felt weak…and at the same time as safe, stable and open as never before. As if I had broken open a cage around me.

It was just MAGICAL and now 2 weeks after the retreat: IT IS INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL!

I feel better than I have ever felt in my life! I have more energy…everything is bubbling through me. I’m experiencing life more intensely…and to be honest: I was already doing really great before – but this is next level!

I would never have thought it possible to feel such fulfilment and so much love for myself.

So all in all, it was the most crass, intense and crazy experience I’ve had. At the same time, I am grateful that this plant called me, because I met wonderful people and I probably catapulted myself as far forward as I might have done without the plant – but not as quickly and intensively.

Can I recommend ayahuasca to others?: Everyone must and may decide that for themselves. In my case, I couldn’t help but go there; ayahuasca was calling me. So I can say that ayahuasca came into my life at the perfect time with the perfect people.

Can I recommend the retreat: From the bottom of my heart – YES!

Would I do it again?: I can’t say yet because I feel the plant is still working or it made me work without it. Let’s see.

I would definitely be more open to it than on the Sunday after the retreat.

Review by Pun (August 2021): “In the last weekend of August 2021 I did the Ayahuasca retreat. It is an experience that I never forget.”

At the night of the ceremony, after drinking the 1st glass, there was no effect. But the taste was so similar to the Chinese medicine that I drank when I was a kid. After 1.5 hours, I had the 2nd glass. After the 2nd glass, I felt the body temperature was a bit higher, but still no effect. So I had the 3rd glass, and then everything came.

I kept vomiting heavily, and started to see all the repressed childhood memories. Some were very good memories, how I was loved and cared. Some were bad memories, shame, fear, abused by my mentally-illed mother (who killed herself in 2004). It seems to me that Ayahuasca has consciousness, she wanted to clean my soul and my body and wanted to take out all the pain (from my developmental trauma) as much as possible. I felt a lot of physical and emotional pain during the vomitting, she told me that I needed to go through all these processes. After some time, the last memories that surfaced up – I saw myself in the womb of my mother, I felt so much safe and secure there. At that moment I knew I was born to be loved, not born to be hatred. After 1-2 mintues staying there, I was taken to a spiritual dimension, where before I was conceived. I saw God there, I had a conservation with God, about why I come to this life and suffer so much. I was crying. For me the whole process was close to near death experience.

I also had strong visions. I heard the music of Björk was playing outside the ceremony room. At first I thought everybody heard it, but turned out it was only me. It is this music: “all is full of love”-

The effect on me was super strong, the ceremony started at 9pm, and I kept vomitting till 5am. I still could not walk stablely the next morning. While all the other participants “returned to normal” more or less after 2am. I think the effect is proportional to the degree of my trauma. I lost 1-2 kg overnight. I am also deeply grateful to the team members Mary and Leire, who were sitting next to me all the time taking care of me, so that I could survive through the whole experience.

After everything is finished, I feel more connection to unconditional love and more come to peace where I am. My chilhood overall actually was not extremely bad as I remember from now. I start asking less “why me?” but more focusing what can I do the best in my healing journey. I would like to this retreat again next year.

Review by Anja (September 2021): “One of the most beautiful weekends”.

I am still raving about the weekend, which was so fulfilling from start to finish. For me it was already great and special to meet so many loving and honest people. But the whole experience made it perfect. The house had a very good aura for me, it felt like coming home after a very short time.

The cocoa ceremony activated and opened my heart even more, and I also liked it very much. The first evening was very pleasant to “come down” and to ground myself. I was already a bit excited, but afterwards I was completely in my center.

The next evening was the Aya ceremony. It was really mystical, but I felt very safe and secure. If there were any questions or requests for help, Mary and Christian were there immediately. The really breathtaking music of Joel is almost more important than the plant, that was my impression. Again, you can feel exactly what he is doing and I felt well taken care of. I can only recommend it to anyone who still doubts. I found it very rewarding.

Personally, I didn’t have a vision or anything like that on that day, but so much changes after the weekend. Doors are opening, views and feelings are solidifying. I have the impression that I am standing more firmly in life now than before the ceremony.

I am very grateful to all (also to all participants), I can already say that it has changed my life. How nice that I was able to meet all of you :-*️

Review from Marco (August 2021): “The plant knows what you need”.

Let go of all expectations. It will be different than you think anyway, it will be deeper, bigger, more confrontational than you can imagine – if you could imagine it, you wouldn’t need the experience.

For me, it was more enlightening and lasting than I thought possible: the cocoa the first night made me fly, the ayahuasca the second night made me crash (in a good way, which I desperately needed). It was an experience that taught me humility and surrender, and it was exactly the experience I needed to understand what it means to let go of ego, to let go of all control, to surrender fully, and to love without resistance life as it really is – in constant flux and benevolently. The plant(s) showed me the faces of my fears that I don’t deal with enough, showed me my weaknesses (including control addiction, childish strong ego, lack of trust in people/the universe). So I think the plant gives everyone exactly the experience he/she needs right now.

However, the most important part of the weekend was the people, some you will have contact with for a long time. Meeting these people showed me that this spiritual path is worth walking, hardly else have I had such interesting conversations with so many different people in such a short time, learned so much about myself and being human. And I also realized that I don’t need to worry too much about which parts or people of my other everyday life I might have to let go.

Thank you Christian, Mary, Lorena, Joel.️

Review by Giorgo (August 2021): “Getting to my core”.

Like the virgin to the child, I came to the Ayahuasca Retreat. About a trauma documentary. General insight 2 minutes.

I didn’t know anything. Had no expectations. Only driven by my purpose in life, to free myself from all my limitations, belief patterns and imprints and to penetrate to the core of my being. And I can already say that this journey was worth it.

It was not a journey as I imagine when I hear the word “journey”. In my head were images of gentle meditation accompanied by angelic music and visual travel. But it was different! For me, it was anything but gentle. Connected with physical and mental pain that lasted for what felt like an eternity.

But in the end it was really worth it. This journey actually led me to my core. There I was able to experience some things physically and emotionally. This journey opened me up, softened me. Opened my heart. I cried a lot. Yes, I even cry afterwards in my everyday life. This experience was definitely worth it. If you want to go on a journey to your inner self, Ayahuasca is the right place for you.

And if you want a familiar environment for it, with people who care about you, then you are exactly right with Christian and Mary.

I wish you a deep journey and many insights as well.

Thank you Christian, thank you Mary, Lorena and Joel.

Review from Andrea (August 2021): “The ceremony was for me an insight into my deepest inner self”.

I don’t even know where to start….

I met so many dear souls and was able to be fully myself the whole weekend.

The Ayahuasca ceremony was a total confrontation with my own darkness for me. I was allowed to feel and allow feelings that I had always denied myself. Most of the time in my life I felt myself guilty and weak with regard to the situations in which my physical and emotional boundaries were crossed. I was allowed to learn in the ceremony that my inner child suffers so much not only because of the people who hurt and abused me. No, it is I myself who inflict so much suffering on my inner child. I myself commanded my inner child to keep swallowing down. During my journey, my inner child screamed at me and was so endlessly angry. I felt all the anger, at myself and others, that I had never allowed myself to feel. My inner child literally had to stop swallowing. I felt Joel’s presence the whole time. Having him with me during this journey was infinitely helpful. When I woke up later that night, I couldn’t help but cry. I was so proud of myself and so grateful to have felt these suppressed intense and heavy emotions. My inner child finally had a voice again.

I also think about the sharing the day after often. It was healing in every way.

Thank you <3️

Review by Isabelle (July 2021): “Letting go”.

I can hardly put my gratitude and happiness into words. There has been a transformation in me and then in my outside since the weekend that I would never have seen or expected. I love my (life) journey again, with all the ups and downs – and was able to find a balance between what my shadow took and what my light can give.

I am so grateful to you all. This feeling is so beautiful. More of it! More letting go, more happiness, cohesion, synchronicity, transformation, healing, forgiveness, relief and love!

Thank you and lots of hugs️

Testimonial from Vero (July 2021): “So much love and positive energy ❤️”

Before I started my journey here, I wanted to listen to my body and soul to see if I was also 100% ready for this new adventure. I received so many signs that I realized the timing was just right for this ceremony.

The days with the whole team and everyone else were indescribably beautiful. Already at the beginning one could feel such a strong, loving and positive energy that I was already very touched. Even after the whole experience with the plant, I feel that we are all so much more connected to each other and we are all one.

Also, right a few days after the ceremony, I received infinite signs from the universe that put me on the right path. So many great things have been happening since then! I don’t think an outsider would believe all the miracles that are happening to me. I am so infinitely grateful! Feel very much pressed all of you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I would be very happy to see all the wonderful souls again one day. ☀️

Review from Erhan (June 2021): For me it was a transformation process.

The strain and tension of the complete week eased when I turned right into the cattle drift and saw the retreat house. It was my second arrival there. 5 weeks earlier I had entered the house with mixed feelings and left with even more mixed ones that Sunday. Now it was a pleasant, almost familiar feeling to walk through the door and see familiar faces. Even though I hadn’t seen or heard from Aneta, Christian, Mary, Joel, Hans us Patrick for 5 weeks, it filled my heart with warmth to see and hug them. I could perceive with all my senses that they felt the same.

Old habits

After putting the bags in the lockers, I “reserved” my mattress in the ceremony room. In the back on the left. Same as last time. For a few seconds I stopped in front of the mattress. Looked at it. Knowing the flow of the weekend from the retreat before, it was not just an ordinary mattress to me. It was a ship waiting for its captain to set sail into a vast, uncertain ocean. When you step on that ship and release the anchor, it will float you through a sea of emotions. I knew that. “On this ship you will feel, suffer, laugh, cry, descend to rise again and ascend to land full force on the bottom of the facts,” I thought to myself.

The meeting

In time, almost all the participants had arrived and there was time to chat with some in the garden. The weather cooperated throughout the weekend. The glow and warmth of the sun, in retrospect, reflected the entire weekend with all its participants.
Afterwards, everyone went indoors for the first joint mediation and get-to-know-you session. You could read the tension in many people’s faces. The thoughts that came up in me as I stood in front of my mattress, almost everyone had at that moment. “Setting out into an ocean with the uncertainty of what to expect.” I knew that. I saw that, and I felt that. The shared guided mediation was again very intense (The eye of the storm). In those minutes, neither time nor space existed. I was alone. No one was in the room. Only me. This was the first “coming down” after an exhausting week.
After the participants slowly opened their eyes and came to themselves, everyone radiated a pleasant relaxation. The organizers (I’m deliberately not mentioning a name, as I don’t know whose idea this was) placed this first meditation very well, as for me it is/was the basis of the whole weekend.

First impressions and inspirations

In the getting-to-know-you session, everyone told a few sentences about themselves. Who you are, where you come from, what is your intention for the weekend and what is your greatest joy in life. For me, getting-to-know-you rounds are generally very interesting. In this case, there were more than two dozen complete strangers sitting in a round and ready to open up. Each one is a book with such an individual story that doesn’t exist a second time, and this book opens up and reads a few lines, maybe a small paragraph from itself. You get a tiny little glimpse into someone else’s deep world. After the round was over, one thing became clear to me: nothing mattered here. No age, no gender, no skin color, no nationality, no language. There were no material bodies sitting together here. These were all souls on a quest. Each soul has its own path and each path raises its own questions.
In this meeting I received my first inspirations and lessons, some of which I want to and will integrate into my life. Thank you Gülay.

Cocoa ceremony

In the evening we gathered in the ceremony room, where everyone made themselves comfortable in their previously reserved seat. Joel had already set up his instruments and made them available. Hans (in luck) sat, like the last time also, to Joel’s right. It was an indescribable feeling then to watch him get into a state of flow in tune with the music. The music became Hans and Hans became the music. It was a sight I looked forward to seeing.

Aneta and Mary poured the cocoa and each participant was able to pick up their cup. The cocoa was ceremonially given and received in full gratitude to the plant. After a few moments of silence and introspection, we all drank the bitter, unusual tasting drink together. I knew the taste from the last time. Never before had I drunk pure, high-dose cocoa. The taste buds were accustomed to the version pumped full of industrial sugar, which, as Christian put it so nicely, is stretched with industrial milk. This taste was the taste of purity. A purity that I did not know in this form in my everyday life. I tried to give each sip of the drink my full attention and awareness. With each sip, I imagined how the bitter taste was transmitted to the brain via the sensory cells of the taste buds in the form of a signal, and how the brain decoded that signal and told me that there was something bitter dancing on the back of my tongue just now. It became philosophical. Who was I? Who was perceiving the taste? Could my soul taste? What was taste? What was the role of the mind that fed on my experiences? Did taste really exist? What is existence? What was the function of existence when it came to neurotransmitters triggering electrical impulses, causing nerve cells to tell the brain what something tasted like? Such thoughts and others circled through my head until Joel’s music picked me up. I call it music because I know no other word that could describe what this man conjures with his instruments. In Turkish, music = müzik. There is also the word ezgi. This means something like: a series of notes that is subject to certain rules and produces a pleasant sound in the ear. Then there is the word nağme = a beautiful and harmonious sound. All of this describes Joel’s music. Hans had a very interesting approach when he said, “First there is a feeling, a thought. This feeling creates a sound. Several sounds create a melody. The melody fades away, the emotion remains.” To this I say, “It wasn’t Joel’s music we were listening to. It was Joel’s soul that spoke to us”.

The preparation

The next morning I woke up around 9 a.m. I had slept for 5 hours straight. Uninterrupted. That was unusual. I felt good.
For breakfast, I had oatmeal. With enough cinnamon and various kinds of syrup, you can even get that down pretty well.
Well rested and well strengthened, I spent the free time in the garden in the best sunshine. Some made themselves comfortable on the sun loungers, others sat in a relaxed round with a cup of tea in the furnished seating areas and chatted, some meditated, others did yoga or just lay on the grass to let the warm sun rays penetrate the cells. Not everyone was in the garden. I suspected that some had gone to the nearby forest for a walk. I had done the same the last time. It was not possible to sit in the garden during the May retreat. It was wet and cool.

I sat with my face to the sun, had my legs stretched out, drank my yogi tea and was engrossed in profound lines by Eckhart Tolle. At some point Hans came up to me. With his kindly striking gaze, he looked at me and asked, “Why are you so energized?”
The conversation that followed this introduction was more profound than Tolle’s thoughts. Hans is someone you can open up to. A friend, a father, an uncle, a mentor. His way of listening, interpreting and evaluating things objectively is unique. He gave me the opportunity to look at things from a completely different perspective through this conversation. It made sense. It was so simple. I read many books, attended many seminars. This conversation enriched me more than all the books and seminars combined. Hans radiates enormous calm and strength. His life experience is reflected in his eloquence and calm nature. He is a Dieter Lange type. It fills me with gratitude to have met such a person.

The Eye-Challenge

After a short meditation round in the garden, in which all participants formed a circle hand in hand, the Eye-Challenge started. This was an exercise in which participants had to look each other in the eyes for two minutes without interruption. 22 participants. Everyone against everyone. Over 40 minutes of eye contact. Tough stuff.
This challenge was already one of the highlights of the whole weekend at my first retreat. It was going to be the same this time.
In conversations, people look you in the eye. In psychology, one talks about insecurity when a person cannot look another person directly in the eye during a conversation and averts his or her gaze.
This was different. It was not a conversation, not a dialogue, not a “look me in the eye little one”. It was a cosmic connection of two souls. Not for nothing they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. Let’s face it. When do 2 people consciously look into each other’s eyes intensively for 2 minutes in everyday life.
The challenge was very difficult for some participants. Both in May and now there were some who had to break off.
I found this exercise to be very intense this time as well. As in May, I also saw myself in many eyes this time. In part, I saw my own features in the faces of others and realized how similar everyone was.
I don’t consider myself a sensitive person, but during this exercise I felt I could see into people’s souls. I felt power, love, insecurity, fear. Some had a tremendous vibration that showed clearly before my eyes.
Some had tears flowing. Mine too…as I looked into the eyes of my niece, who was 18 when she attended this retreat. We had spent so much time together. She grew up in my arms. We talked for hours about the most mundane yet profound topics: Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, quantum entanglement, laws in the subatomic world, art, culture, music, family, friends, the infinite depths of the microcosm and macrocosm, the meaning and nonsense of life, and much more. But at that moment, looking into her eyes, I realized something. Something I had not been able to see in the last 18 years. Then I burst into tears. I don’t know the last time I cried like that.
I have to admit, after it was over, I felt flat and drained.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

After eating together, we gathered again in the ceremony room and Aneta showed us the principles of the tapping technique (EFT). I advise everyone to look into this subject. I had my first experience with EFT in 2016 with a coach from Wiesbaden. Even though it seemed like humbug to me at the beginning, I realized quite quickly the depth effect of this incredible method. In principle, it is about the fact that blockages can occur in the flow of life energy (Chi). This life energy flows through pathways called meridians. In TCM it is said that diseases, fears and negative beliefs are triggered by these blockages.
Aneta showed us with her unique calm way how to implement this technique.

Ayahuasca

After a two-hour rest period, the time had come. Everyone excitedly took their place on the ship… the mattress. The medicine, which had been cooked and prepared for most of the day, was bottled and sitting on the floor in front of Joel’s seat. After a brief introduction and answering a few questions, it was time for everyone to pick up their “portion.” You could feel the tension in the candlelit room. As with the cocoa, I was the first to get my medicine. There was no particular reason for this. We had merely started at the back left.

Everyone held his filled glass in his hand and inwardly spoke out for himself his gratitude to the Spirit of the plant, to God, to the Universe, to the ONE all-encompassing. I recited inwardly the Sura an-Nas from the Koran. An incredibly powerful sura that is about praying for protection: Protection from the Jinn (negative frequencies), protection from people, protection from your own ego. It was very quiet in the ceremony room. Christian gave the go and everyone drank the medicine. Some sipped it, others drank it in one gulp. It tasted bitter. But that didn’t matter. The point was not for the taste receptors to tango, but for the soul. After that, everyone took the most comfortable position for themselves. Lying down, sitting cross-legged, legs outstretched or hiding under the covers.

Joel began to play. He produced a wide variety of tones, sounds and frequencies on a wide variety of instruments. At times I felt as if the frequencies were piercing me, penetrating me, joining me inside and tearing me apart at the same time. Throughout the night he had the tempo so much under control that I was sure that this man knew exactly when to use which sounds, which music, which instrument in which intensity. A highlight this time was also the sound of the sea. It was very intense.

After some time, the first participants could be heard beginning to vomit into the buckets that had been set up earlier. Their process had begun.
The first hour I tried to turn off my mind and surrender only to the Spirit and the music. Turning off the mind…, don’t make me laugh. I was not that far yet. There is a saying in Turkish. It’s used when your head is constantly in thought. They say that there are 40 foxes buzzing around in that head, their tails not touching. But one thing I had managed to do, unlike the previous session, was to be free of expectations.

At the retreat in May, nausea also overcame me after some time. There was something inside me that desperately wanted to get out. I fought it for a long time at that time. That prevented me from really getting into the process. At some point, it didn’t work anymore. However, my ego was too proud to throw up in front of everyone. So, on shaky legs, I went to the bathroom. There the cleansing was accomplished. This time I was determined not to hold it back. I was ready to accept it. After about an hour, I noticed that my stomach was turning. Almost at the same time, Christian called for the second round. For those who wanted to. I went for my second glass. Last time I had drunk 2 and 3/4 glasses. This time I barely managed to drink 1/4 from the second glass. It was no longer going down. It just wouldn’t go down. It was ok for me. It was meant to be. I accepted it. A short time later, I could no longer hold back the nausea. Again, my ego was too strong and whispered to me that I couldn’t throw up in front of all those people. So I staggered to the bathroom again. It took me quite a long time to get back to the ceremony room and finally attend to my process.

It started with me being in the weightlessness of the universe. It was not falling. Because falling means to fall from the actual perspective into the depth. In the universe there is no below and no above. Therefore I would call it “gliding through the stars”.
Suddenly I saw faces. Hundreds, maybe thousands. None of the faces I knew. Some I looked at from the objective perspective, some were immediately with me but looked away, some looked at me. One face merged into another and literally transformed in my mind’s eye. Then I saw myself. I looked myself in the face. Into my present one, then my youthful one, then again the present one.

Some acquaintances had told me about their ayahuasca experiences. I could never understand what they meant by “seeing” or “seen”. Was it like in a lucid dream? Some things cannot be explained. Some things you have to live. Can you describe the feeling of hunger to a person who has never starved in his life? The listener will at most answer that he can imagine it. But in order to understand and feel hunger, one must starve. It was the same with “seeing”. I am now able to understand what “seeing” means. I have experienced it myself. I have seen it myself. And I am not able to describe it to someone who has not seen it himself.
The next thing I knew, a koala appeared on the horizon. This is what I found about the koala after the fact:
“The frequently sleeping koala points us to take a rest and draw new strength from stillness. The power animal koala teaches us deceleration, serenity and tranquility.
The koala wants to bring calmness into your life.
“Relax.”
“Rest.”
“Don’t let others or yourself upset you.”
The koala also tells you that some things can take care of themselves while you sleep. Too many thoughts and too many actions – or perfectionism – often don’t make things better.
Come down – or in this case: climb up to the koala – and make time for things that are good for YOU.
Do them consciously. Be fully present. Pay attention to your senses. Do one thing at a time: “One thing at a time”.
Keep focusing on what you hear and what you smell. Engage with your senses.”
Interestingly, Hans spent the afternoon in the garden telling me exactly these things. There was no mention of a koala there, though. This is the power of the plant. I was overwhelmed.

At some point I opened my eyes briefly, looked to my niece’s left. She was not there. A few minutes passed. She did not come. I was worried and couldn’t get back into my process. I went to check on her. In the hallway I met Mary and Aneta. They told me that my niece was downstairs in the bathroom and didn’t want anyone with her. I went to see her. She was going through her cleaning. She was exhausted. At that moment, I came to abruptly. My wobbly legs suddenly felt like solid pillars. One thing became clear to me: “Your process is over for today”.
I spent the next few hours with her. For a while, Gülay was there to support me. I felt for my niece and at the same time was so proud of her that she, at the age of 18, had summoned up the courage to take this path. I was with her until 4 in the morning to take her to the bathroom and get her water. I was glad that she eventually fell asleep. I was floored. I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Goodbye

Compared to last time, I felt very vital and alive the next morning. After the last breakfast together, everyone met again in the ceremonial room for sharing. I felt the sharing of each participant was very individual. No two experiences were the same. For some, you could hear the disappointment because they had not “seen” anything. Others found questions about answers that they had carried in themselves for years. Still others had many and profound visions.

Ayahuasca gives you exactly what you need in the present phase of your life and in this moment. If you surrender, so be it. If you see nothing, so be it. Ayahuasca is not a household initiative. It is not something you “take once” in hopes of reaching enlightenment. It’s not something you try once out of curiosity to have a say. Everything is a process. Once you start on the path of transformation, it is a medicine that will answer your questions at a certain stage. The answers are not served to you on a golden plate. The plant speaks to you in images, metaphors and synchronicities. The interpretation is intuitive. At some point you understand what the plant wants to tell you or why it does not speak to you. Whereby in my opinion it is wrong to think that it does not speak to you. Because even in the communication between two people, you usually get the most important answers when your counterpart is simply silent. As the saying goes, “silence is golden”. You have to be prepared. You have to be mentally and spiritually prepared and ready. A seed that is sown takes time to grow. You can’t add more water or pull on the first bud to speed up the growth process. It will grow and flourish in the time it takes to bring the flower to its full potential.

What did I take away from this weekend?

– The plant once again brought together exactly the people who needed to come together

– Don’t fixate on just one moment (drinking the medicine), but consciously pay attention to the before and after. Who do you meet, what do you feel, what conversations take place, what signs do you recognize?

– Don’t look forward too much to a moment in the hope of experiencing a certain thing. The moment will come and you will experience and learn something completely different than what you imagined. I am sure that I was not there for myself that weekend. I needed to be there for someone else to begin their journey.

– Live in the here and now. Because everything has its purpose in the here and now. Don’t be tempted by your ego. Your ego needs the past and the future to exist. But the future is only a projection of your mind and the time between now and the future wants to be filled. Filled with hopes, fears, concerns and imaginations.

– Notice yourself and find your inner center.

– The path of spirituality is to minimize the power and influence of your ego. I used to think you had to “kill” your ego. Now I think differently. I compare it to an airplane that needs two wings to fly. Recognize the pitfalls and cunning of your ego. Recognize it in order to control it. Because you need your ego and your being to stay on course.

– Be careful that in trying to control your (material) ego, you don’t fall into the trap of building a spiritual ego.

I feel tremendous gratitude to everyone I had the opportunity to meet during this magical weekend and am sure that our paths will cross someday, somewhere.

Many thanks to,

Christian, who brought this session to life
Aneta, the invisible hand
Mary, for your loving nature
Joel, who spoke to us with his soul
and to every single person who was part of this retreat. I was able to learn something from each one.

Field report from Ayla (June 2021): The team is simply magical!

After having participated twice in this wonderful, educational and enriching retreat, I would like to share my experiences with you here.
share my experiences with you.

The team that accompanies you on a weekend is simply magical – I immediately felt like I belonged, was accepted and felt like a member of the family,
alone with these dear souls I can recommend the experience to everyone to dive into this world.

Here again heartfelt thanks to you dear Ayahuasca team Germany ❤️.

For the location and the catering, however, there is not a whole 5 stars, but is of course my very personal and physical experience, for me it was in the
Retreat room too cramped and too dark I would have liked more space and light / candles and since I react to lenses, I have the second time with
Lunch myself, one always learns.

An experience after Aya includes, a great forgiveness process that lasted over two weeks. I can hardly describe it, every night I dream about
I dream of events and people that I have not thought about for decades and of the experiences I knew “nothing more”. Every morning I am
flashed and shocked to wake up what was/is still in me and every time I was a bit freer and healed. Likewise, my body told me
that we are not really in balance, I started again with sports, now consciously pay attention to my dopamine level and my grounding.
It’s heavenly how just a few little things can make life feel even more grandiose. And after all I have already tried on my way, I can only say that without
I can only say that without Aya I would not have made it so quickly, I personally can say that each time I was given years of development.

For many seekers of healing, enlightenment – this is a really easy and fast way to get there. Before I
I read many reports of this kind and I must confess that I could hardly believe it and I am so deeply grateful that I was able to have this experience.
this experience. And the wonderful team that made this possible in such a warm family atmosphere.

Here still a huge thanks to Joel, his music has touched me sooo deep in the heart.

Wish you equally wonderful inspirations and releases.

Feel loved.
Ayla ☀️❤️

Review by Patrick (June 2021): Always wonderful and full of miracles

Actually, I could write here about my experiences for days and write a novel about what a weekend does to you when you go on a retreat with Christian, Mary, Aneta and Joél.

But to keep it “short”, I’ll just write a few things. One gets a very warm and friendly welcome – not only from the team, but also from the other guests and healing seekers.

The cocoa ceremony is always very intense for me. I would never have believed that one can have small visions even here. But it is very heart-opening and calming with the wonderful music of Joél (who is not comparable with anything of this world if you give him an instrument).
In the meantime I have been there three times and each time it is a wonderful experience that wraps me in humility, gratitude and deep connection when you go through an Ayahuasca ceremony with great people. My visions were very profound, purposeful and I can say that I am a completely different person after the first retreat, as this experience was the most intense, which kept me very busy for days afterwards and still does. In fact, a lot has happened in my life since then without me really actively doing anything about it. An effect that lasts even longer and finds its way into everyday life, I would never have expected let alone thought possible. It is very fascinating what knots have been untied in my life.

During my second visit I could not really tune into the weekend myself due to private circumstances – the visions nevertheless did not fail to appear. But I loved the gratitude that was shown to me for experiences that other people had that I was able to help properly engage and tune into.
My third visit was 2 days ago now.

I had very clear visions, very clear messages, again a very intense weekend. Now the work starts and I have to implement it and integrate it into my personality to become a better person. Because that’s what it’s all about – developing yourself, healing yourself and being able to let go of old burdens to make room for new, beautiful things.
For me it started with a lot of surrendering, “spitting out” old experiences, being able to let go and be done with them, followed by clear and distinct visions.

Since my first retreat, my life has become calmer, I am more relaxed, and can see negative things from the past differently and thus evaluate them differently.

So for anyone who wants spiritual healing for themselves and perhaps to break old negative behavior patterns, I can only recommend to visit Christian and his great team and experience a weekend. It really is an experience and not something you “do once”.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has made it this far to read – thank you!

And I thank you for all the wonderful people I had the chance to meet on my retreats. Great friendships have been formed here that I wouldn’t want to miss.

Best regards,
Patrick

Review by Christian (May 2021): I was immediately impressed by the open and warm manner of Christian and his team.

My whole body and mind was already preparing for the weekend in advance.

When it finally started on Friday, I was directly thrilled by the open and warm nature of Christian and his team. There was delicious vegan food and you could connect beautifully with the people from the group through meditation, sharing intensions and the group games. A great energy surrounded us and transformed the whole retreat into a magical place for spiritual and physical healing and development. It felt great to be surrounded by like-minded people.

The cacao ceremony on Friday night was very special to me. Never had I believed that cacao could have such a heart opening and spiritual effect.

Joel, the sound healer, together with Christian and his team created a great atmosphere and relaxation. Ayahuasca showed me that I am allowed to accept and embrace my inner demons. Childhood traumas that have unconsciously influenced my life may now be seen from a different perspective and also be accepted. I feel how little by little more and more balance and inner equilibrium prevail and how I am also allowed to build a deeper connection to myself and thus to other people with the help of the plant.

The exchange of experiences on Sunday was very exciting, as everyone spoke from their own perspective and presented their experiences. It was unbelievable how much power lies dormant in all of us and wants to be awakened.

I myself will be there again at the next appointment and dive deeper 🙂

I can wholeheartedly recommend the Ayahuasca Retreat to anyone who wants to connect with themselves more deeply and live more consciously.

Thank you to the whole Ayahuasca-in-Germany team.

Review from Tina (May 2021): The effect was powerful and gentle at the same time

The retreat with Ayahuasca in Deutschland was a wonderful experience. It started off on Friday evening with a round of introductions along with a tasty bowl of soup. Everyone was a bit nervous, and as a result, so was I. Soon after that, we went to the beautiful ceremony room where the cacao ceremony began. At first I found it hard to relax into the soothing effect of the cacao and Joel’s shamanic music. But at some point, I found myself crying. I was surprised, I didn’t think that cacoa and music could have such a strong effect on me. But the music is more than just music … it’s hard to describe. This shamanic music triggers and awakens all kinds of emotions. It really took me on a journey. As the music died down at the end of the night, I felt a deep sense of peace and happiness. I knew that some kind of healing had taken place.

The first thing I noticed on Saturday morrning was that the tension from Friday evening was completely gone. After breakfast, I went on a trip in the woods with a few others – the woods are a 1-minute walk from the house. That was fun. I also enjoyed the space in this lovely house – you can hang out in the tea room or in the garden or just in your room. As the sun started to set though, I knew that I needed to open my mind to the soon-to-be ayahuasca ceremony. I was a bit nervous. The ceremony started off with a powerful meditation. Then after we’d drunk our ayahuasca brew, the music slowly made its entrance. By then, my nervousness had disappeared. After having spent so much time with the people, I felt total trust in the guides and was enjoying the atmosphere with the other participants. This time it was easy for me to let myself dive into the music and let it take me wherever I needed to go. The effect of the sacred plant was powerful and gentle at the same time. About six hours
later, back in my room, I wrote down a few key words that came to mind after my experience with the sacred plant. This helped me to grasp the message. The message was clear, it was all about self-trust. I was so excited about this because this is a theme that I’ve been wrestling with for a long, long time.

Sunday morning came and after breakfast if was time for sharing. I so loved this final part of the retreat. As everyone told their story, the feeling of togetherness became stronger and stronger. After I’d told my story, I noticed a huge sense of transformation breaking through. And now, many weeks later, I can still feel the change in me and I am so grateful for this opportunity to heal.

Review from Christina (Mai 2021): I am looking forward to seeing one or the other participant again!

I was lucky enough to be part of a good group with a beautiful
warm energy. We all immediately understood each other and felt comfortable.
I think the youngest participant was 20 and the oldest over 70 – but I didn’t ask. It was nice to go into an exchange with like-minded people
(we meditated together and exchanged music etc.).
The response to the individual exercises and ceremonies varied from person to person. I liked the exercises in the garden, the music and the exchange with the participants best. I remember that on Sunday morning I was
a little disappointed, because I had imagined an enlightenment with dazzling colours
colours like on TV, but in the end I was just very tired and unfortunately had to throw up a lot. But in the morning when I meditated, I had the great
aha effect, a calmness, stillness and serenity. The effect is also rather subtle
and over a longer period of time. Afterwards I was able to free myself from a very
toxic parental home. (where I lacked the courage to do so all these years, because
I was afraid to be completely alone). The experience with the group taught me
that we are reflected in each other, that many people carry incredible burdens and that we can find healing in ourselves and in sharing
with others. I look forward to seeing one or two participants again.
And the most important: the plant has its own plan with you.

Review by Christian (May 2021): I was immediately impressed by the open and warm manner of Christian and his team.

My whole body and mind was already preparing for the weekend in advance.

The cacao ceremony on Friday night was very special to me. Never had I believed that cacao could have such a heart opening and spiritual effect.

I myself will be there again at the next appointment and dive deeper 🙂

I can wholeheartedly recommend the Ayahuasca Retreat to anyone who wants to connect with themselves more deeply and live more consciously.

Thank you to the whole Ayahuasca-in-Germany team.

Review from Tina (May 2021): I was wonderfully received and accompanied in the ceremony with a lot of heart!

Hello dear Ayahuasca Germany Team,

I am super grateful that I was allowed to make my first Ayahuasca experience with you.

To be honest, I was very afraid of it and thought long and hard if it was really the right thing for me. I not only had a strong emotional healing, but was also wonderfully received by you and accompanied into the ceremony with a lot of heart. The team, the group and the environment were wonderful and very healing. That’s why I decided to go directly for the second ceremony. To work deeper and more intensively with my personal issues. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to grow personally, dissolve their traumas and old stopping beliefs.

Looking forward to seeing you again soon.

LG Tina

Review from Tina (May 2021): The effect was powerful and gentle at the same time.

The retreat with Ayahuasca-in-Germany was a wonderful experience. On Friday evening it started with a round of introductions and a plate of tasty soup. Everyone was a little nervous. Then we went to the ceremony room where the cacao ceremony started. At first I found it difficult to relax and listen to Joel’s shamanic music. But as time went by, I noticed that I started to cry. I was surprised about that, because I didn’t think that cocoa and music would have such a strong effect on me. The sounds took me on a special journey. After the ceremony, I felt deep peace and happiness. I knew that some kind of healing had taken place within me.

On Saturday morning, I noticed that my tension from Friday night had completely disappeared. After breakfast, I went for a walk in the forest with some others from the group. I enjoyed being in nature.

Just before sunset, I prepared my mind for the ayahuasca ceremony to begin. The ceremony began with a deep meditation. After we had our ayahuasca tea, Joel started to play his music. I completely got rid of my nervousness. I felt total trust in the Ayahuasca team and enjoyed the pleasant atmosphere with the other participants. This time it was easy for me to immerse myself in the music and let it take me away. The effect of the sacred steppe rue was powerful and gentle at the same time. When I got back to my room after the ceremony, I wrote down a few key words that came to mind after my experience with ayahuasca. This helped me to grasp the message of the medicinal plant. Everything was about self-confidence.

After breakfast on Sunday morning, it was time to share our experiences with ayahuasca as a group. I especially liked this last part of the retreat. As everyone shared their stories, the sense of community was strengthened. After I spoke of my experience, I felt a strong sense of transformation come over me. I still feel this transformation many weeks later. That is why I am so grateful to the Ayahuasca-in-Germany team for this opportunity to heal.

Review from Martin (March 2021): I’m looking forward to the new life

Hey friends, a lot has happened since the weekend.

I feel much freer in general and the blocks I wanted to remove are gone.

I regularly get up between 03:00 and 4:00 and celebrate my life.

It is wonderful that I now go through my day with such clarity, it feels like I am flowing.

It is exactly how I imagined it; and everything I saw during the ceremony is now coming into my life.

It’s fantastic, thank you to everyone for this unique experience, because I got to experience at least as much from each of you in terms of impressions ❤️

I am looking forward to the new life!

D A N K E

Review from Norbert (February 2021): I will be happy to come again!

My experience with Ayahuasca in Germany was a very positive one. From the beginning, the first contact was uncomplicated and pleasant. It all started with off with really friendly and uncomplicated email and phoning contact. I was especially pleased with how spontaneously I was able to participate. As for the journey, we were kindly picked up from the train station and even got a lift back at the end of the retreat. Upon entering the house, I felt an immediate and harmonious atmosphere – and during the introductions, everyone managed to open up about a lot about themselves, without putting up a façade. This created a lot of trust between the group from the very start, and I sensed that I had met a good group. I got a very nice, friendly and attentive impression from the team from the get-go.

The first evening alone was an experience, with the cocoa ceremony, especially with the combination of singing bowls therapy and Joel’s “sea of sound”. The whole thing was so relaxing, it completely took me away from my day-to-day life. I experienced a rarely felt sense of calmness.

The actual Ayahuasca ceremony took place on the second day. In preparation we did yoga, which relaxed the body and mind, followed by a long meditation. Then in the evening we drank the plant medicine and set out on our journey. Since this part is very personal and a highly individual experience, all I will say is you have to simply soak it up and live in the experience. Throughout the night, we were guided, once again, by a very intensive “sea of sound”. The music was pleasantly perceptible and it made the silences in between feel very “loud”. What an experience.

The following morning, we shared our experiences with each other and once again it was lovely how openly everyone described theirs. All in all, I must say, it was an outstanding team, a great group and an intensive experience. I will happily be coming back when the plant calls me. A big thank you to everyone involved!

Experience from Aneta (October 2020): Experience a strong energy with wonderful people

I had heard a lot about plant healing methods over a long period of time, and was sceptical as to whether I really wanted to try it or not. Some psychedelics are portrayed and mystified as a drug. After the experience with the plant, I know that it is not the case.

Since I was feeling “stuck” in the last while, I decided to attend a ceremony with Syrian rue. It’s actually very difficult to convey this experience in words, and it’s definitely nothing to be scared of. Each person makes their own journey with the plant, so any description of the experience itself is superfluous here.

The ceremony itself was wonderfully organized. Each person was given a mattress, a yoga pillow, a pillow and a blanket.

Joel, the musical accompanist, enchanted everyone with his music and sometimes I wasn’t sure whether it was his music or the plant that was working. With his music, the journey moves on another level.

The cacao ceremony was a heart-opening experience, also accompanied by live music from Joel.

The energy was beautiful, along with wonderful fellow participants and a loving team in the comfortable retreat house.

Tanja’s experience with ayahuasca as a sensitive person (January 2021)

Everyone has an event, at some point in their life, that can barely be dealt with on their own. As is usually the case, we suppress our pain, try to forget our memories. If the pain is not dealt with, it will accompany us for our life. Everyone can decide whether they want to change their life and experience more joy. It was by chance that I took part in an ayahuasca ceremony for the first time in my life. Since I had little information about it, I read more about Ayahuasca’s effects and side effects. As well as that, before, during and after the ceremonies, Christian’s team was always there for any questions we had. Already on the first evening after getting to know each other, there was this harmonious, peaceful atmosphere. This peaceful mood has heightened tremendously by the cocoa ceremony. Loving people, aromatic and warm cocoa along with the unforgettable and deeply touching sounds of Joel’s music put me in a world full of peace with myself and the environment. It was really nice to spend the time with the group afterwards. This time passed by in a flash. On the second night, I was very nervous because I didn’t know how I would react after Ayahuasca. The whole team, and other participants, calmed me down and took me under their wing. Ayahuasca did not take effect straight away for me, but instead, it affected me for a longer period afterwards. I cried almost every day, for no reason, for about two weeks after that. Everything that I had been suppressing came up. My perception was very sharpened – especially auditory and gustatory senses, which are still much stronger today than ever before. I used to drink a lot of coffee and I liked wine and champagne. After the retreat, I can only drink one cup of coffee a day and hardly any alcoholic beverages because I just don’t like them anymore. Because I am sensitive, I was sometimes prone to mild depression. After the ayahuasca ceremony, they are gone for good. Many thanks to the team and all the participants! It was such fun! I think everyone has to voluntarily make the decision and be aware of all possible effects, knowing that Ayahuasca is the helper and each of us is the creator. It is an opportunity to live life from a different perspective. The decisive factor is our will to finally come to terms with negative experiences and to start enjoying life.

Review from Anna (October 2020): My experience was something very special

I would like to thank you – Ayahuasca in Germany – from the bottom of my heart. I felt lovingly cared for by Christian’s wonderful and competent team, throughout the whole weekend and I can only recommend that you take part. Both ceremonies were incredibly magical! During the cacao ceremony I was able to fully connect with the power of my heart and felt incredible connection and love. I already had previous experience with Ayahuasca, but this special second ceremony really touched and transformed me, not least through the enchanting and truly healing sounds of the sound healer Joel. I recommend attending the retreat to anyone interested in personal development and spiritual growth. Thank you Ayahuasca in Germany and thank you Christian for creating this place of healing and transformation!

Lorena and her unique experience with Ayahuasca in Germany (October 2020)

The weekend in St. Augustin was very nice. I’d already had experience with Ayahuasca, but the ceremony in Bonn was very special. Joel and Gabriela accompanied us both nights with live music. The music was very touching and created a special atmosphere. This deepened my experience. The team was very hospitable and really welcomed and supported me. The other participants were very open and friendly. The group was made up of participants from many different backgrounds who complemented each other well. I would love to see everyone again! I’m so excited about the project that I decided to get involved and support it in the future. I am pleased that Christian makes all of this possible. Once again, a big thank you to Christian, who created this beautiful place.

Daniel’s experience with ayahuasca (October 2020): “I was totally impressed!”

My experiences in October 2020 with Ayahuasca in Germany were very positive. After dealing with a very painful divorce over the past few years, I had turned to various spiritual traditions. I did a Vipassana meditation retreat, attended yoga classes, and since then, very different and very interesting books have found their way into my hands. After seeing the documentary “Ayahuasca – Vine of the Soul” on YouTube, it was clear to me that I wanted to try ayahuasca. I was delighted to find out that it was on offer in Germany.

For me, however, I have to say that the really great thing about the weekend was, above all, the experience with the group. At first, I was more concerned about what kind of people would turn up and hoped not to end up with any “freaks” or weird people. The house in Bonn / Siegburg is a bit out of the way, and I had my own fears about that. The first person I came across was a psychologist, and so as an academic, I was glad not to be alone anymore. It turned out that the group was very mixed, but also fit together very well. The introduction talk with the group was one of the highlights of what I have ever experienced so far, in terms of an honest psychological-spiritual exchange. The introductory talk was a bit like group therapy, where each participant briefly, but sincerely, gave their reasons for coming. Almost all the participants shared the tensions / conflicts in their lives very openly, sometimes profoundly and sometimes very much emotionally. Many cited the loss of zest for life as one reason, others spoke about spirals of negative beliefs and others mentioned their stressful family relationships. From then on, it was clear that it would not only be interesting, but also a very serious experience.

After dinner, everyone got ready for the cacao ceremony, the test run so to speak, for the following night, the Ayahuasca night. I went to my room to meditate for an hour before the ceremony, the thoughts of the cacao ceremony were “sweet” compared to the thoughts of the great Syrian rue. When I got to the ceremony room, most of participants had found their places and I looked for mine. The tension slowly started to rise. When I finally held the steaming cup in my hand, which smelled intensely of a raw cacao mass, I thought of the advice from my friend from Hamburg, who grows medicinal herbs himself, and who advised me to thank the plant first for everything it would give me before enjoying it myself. After drinking the first cup, I was overwhelmed by a deep sense of gratitude. I immediately began to cry, as I often do before or during meditation, as if to empty myself. I thought about my childhood and youth and how happy it was and how grateful I am to have had such a beautiful life. In any case, it was a new or long-forgotten experience for me to address my past so positively without any reservation. To appreciate everything that had been. Just to be able to lie here, in the indescribable luxury of such a secure self-discovery experience. The rest of the night was just a pleasant bath of emotions: warm and dark red, in the candlelight, along with the really wonderful South American, live music from Joel, who accompanied and guided me on the trip.

On Saturday I withdrew a little and caught up on some sleep. On the one hand from the cocoa night, on the other hand from the weeks before, which were very stressful and demanding. In the meantime, the group went for a walk in the woods. That evening we sat together again, in joyful anticipation of the evening. There was tension in the air, and at the same time, it felt as if we had all come together, and the resistance that was noticeable in many at the beginning, was now gone. While everyone was holding their paper cups (which were only a third full) filled with a black aromatic liquid, I once again thanked the plant for everything it had already had already done for me. To my surprise, the night passed relatively uneventfuly. After an hour, my body slowly began to get too warm and to give way to a flowing feeling. I leaned back and listened to the very melodic and sensual music from Joel that sometimes touched me and sometimes just enveloped me. While still focusing on the feeling of gratitude, a feeling of security arose. Most of the people in the room started throwing up, and some started crawling towards the toilet. I just lay there thinking how good I have it. Of course there had been a few difficulties in my life. In the last year alone, I remembered the number of times I’d had crying fits after my wife had left me – even if I somehow sensed that she had been right.

My stomach felt wonderful and I could feel Ayahuasca flow warmly and steadily out of the stomach into my whole body, doing a deep cleanse. I felt totally relieved. Apparently I wasn’t as fragile as I thought I was. You are strong, Ayahuasca seemed to whisper to me, and you can be even more confident. I was totally thrilled. It is said that Ayahuasca tells everyone what they need to know, and now it was telling me that I can trust in my strength. And I thought to myself how true, how often I have withdrawn myself and felt inhibited, so as not to stand there like a show-off or a swanker, or to make sure not to stand on the feet of others, those that are slower or even more inhibited. I spent the rest of the night in a pleasant high, a self-intoxication maybe, that was good for me. The night seemed to remind me that I am good the way I am and that I can trust myself a lot more. In the weeks after the retreat, a few things also happened and a lot has dissolved. To describe that would, however, go beyond this experience report.

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